How to communicate severity of mental illness to loved ones?

D1ng0Senior Contributor07 May 2024, 10:19 pm AEST

How to communicate severity of mental illness to loved ones?

Hey, folks. I hope you're doing okay. I really need support, advice, insights... or whatever comes to mind when you read about my situation.

TL;DR: I am dealing with several mental illnesses and a physical disability, but I feel pressure to be happy around loved ones, and I don't know how to convince people that I'm unwell. If you have dealt with that too, how have you coped and communicated?

I will be seeing a loved one soon. It feels like an important opportunity to tell them what I'm dealing with, and to emphasise that I am not okay. But I really struggle to do that. With this person in particular, I often downplay how much I'm struggling and try to put a positive spin on things, because I'm worried about upsetting them. This can help me in the short-term, as it makes me feel temporarily happy and reassured, as if things are under control... But then I crash later and I'm left without support, because I acted like everything was fine, so why would anyone think to check in on me? At that point, I become too depressed to reach out to anyone, or I do reach out and people don't seem to believe I'm struggling, because believing I'm fine is less scary. Several family members, at that point, even try to downplay or minimise what I'm dealing with. (Bulimia nervosa is easily fixed, right? Just eat normally!)

I feel like the people around me (not that there are many nowadays) don't know how to handle me being seriously unwell. I've internalised that. I feel guilty when I tell the truth about my physical/mental state, because it makes people frustrated and scared, and they ask me what the solution is, as if I've got the answer and I can tell them how to fix me. It makes me feel like I'm a problem.

I feel a lot of pressure to be okay. And, when I confess that I'm not okay, I don't feel heard. If you have dealt with similar dynamics, how have you cut through the bullshit and made people actually listen to you?

Extra details below. TW for chronic pain, suicidal and self harming thoughts, and stigma/misinformation about suicide.

Content/trigger warning

At some point, I also want to tell the people closest to me that my eating disorder, depression, trauma, anxiety, et cetera is also causing thoughts of hurting myself, or ending my life to stop the chronic pain since nothing else will. It feels horrible to be going through that alone. But I worry that this will make the people closest to me very distressed. One of my family members also has really awful views about suicide, and would not believe me since I've never acted on those thoughts, therefore I'm not "really" experiencing suicidal thoughts... And, in their view, people who are "really" suicidal can never be saved from committing suicide, so they'd dismiss me. That's another barrier to being heard.

Advice, solidarity, or just some kind words would be appreciated. Thank you, folks.

Re: How to communicate severity of mental illness to loved ones?

Hey @tyme, just seeing this now. Thanks so much for the support and virtual hug 😊 I hope you're doing okay this morning.

The good news is that someone in my life did reach out to me. They're not able to support me really (not their fault, just the way it is), but the fact that they said hello means something.

How to communicate severity of mental illness to loved ones?