When a Carer / wife / Husband / Partner is in need of meds herself / himself

hello @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

I had contact from my older son the other night. I hadnt heard from him since november.

He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in october last year by two different psychiatrists,.

He has left the state and made his whereabouts unknown. Cancelled his mobile and uses someone else's now that comes up as no caller id.

His condition has deteriorated, he must be hearing more voices as his paranoia has increased and he is experiencing pain in his head. I can only respond to his questions, he becomes angry if I ask questions. He also told me that I am hiding things from him. He has told me to be careful of my husband , people are using him to get to my son. he is on no medication. he believes that he is well and that the authorities are after him.

I had found out that he had been in a men's homeless shelter. he told me that he is now moving into a house with other men. he will have his own room but needs money for furniture. i told him to just focus on main thing, bed, pillow, sheets, quilt. I put money in his account for his birthday and christmas money and told him i cant do any more. I feel so helpless and am so frightened to start crying again because I find it hard to stop.,

I am going into hospital on tuesday so hopefully that will help in some way. the pain is never going to go away though. this is what i have to learn strategies to deal with his deteriorating condition. his non acceptance of help. praying that there will come a time where he will realise that he does need some help. I am even frightened of writing about this on here because I dont want to upset anyone else.

hello @Maryjune

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@Maryjune wrote:
@Former-Member xxx, its ok to pour it here , i guess this is what this group is for ..to support each others ups and downs. You did a great job by staying strong and be there when he needed u..i know money you transfered is but a small thing to the love and care you want to give him. .so cheer up ok ?? Or we'll have wrinkles and makes wrinkles cream company super rich 🙂 just trying to cheer us all with my lame joke 🙂

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thankyou

you have so much to deal with and you can still reach out to try and make me smile.

I did smile.xx

Hi @Former-Member

Many of us have stories that can potentially trigger feelings of hurt or distress in others, and I was tentative about posting about our situation for that reason to begin with.

I guess we tend to either open a thread and pour out what we are finding too hard to carry, and something about our subject title, or the first few lines of what we write, give a fairly clear understanding of what the overall content is about ..... or we "leak" out bits and pi CD's of the story in progressive posts.

Either way, our readers also have the choice as the whether, or how much to read. The moderators remove posts that they feel are too confronting, or move them to other discussion topics if the content is too heavy or inappropriate for where it was originally placed, and / or add a "potentially triggering" warning to the subject heading.

Generally, others can identify with our feelings rather than perhaps connecting to a distressing level with the experiences we relate .... compassion has an amazing ability to do that. The most challenging area would seem to be people struggling with PTSD, and your situation with your son doesn't appear to fit that problem .... nor does ours .... apart from mentioning WH's struggles with emotional regulation and that resulting at times in fits of temper, and previously in rages.

It is challenging to our sense of compassion for others ..... but this is part of our challenge to balance self-compassion in there too .... and the forums are for both.

❤️

Hi Peoples, @Shaz51 tagged me when she started off this thread, but I didn't join in at the time...

I've been seeing a psychologist for a few years on and off, because I've needed the backup support to cope with dealing with both adult children and aged parents with assorted struggles. And she "equips" me to back up hubby and other two kids, who are also trying to cope with too-much-happening.

Lately it's been getting harder to handle everything. I've been on Newstart with repeated medical exemptions from job seeking, but there's these awkward rules where unless a condition is different or worsening compared to the previous exemption, they get increasingly reluctant to grant another one. (Doesn't make sense to me...) But now my pschologist has recommended that I should apply for DSP.

Previously the medical conditions that have gone on the medical certificates have been "reactive depression" and/or "adjustment disorder", both of which are one way or another considered short term reactions to stressful/distressing circumstances. Problem is that the stresses have been high for many years already; best case scenario is probably at least another year or two before things settle down to a more routine situation with my parents (in aged care, but I'm still "stuff sorting" at their house and trying to support them emotionally); and daughter's DID is something that may improve over time with appropriate counselling...3+ years being a fairly realistic timespan to begin seeing improvement. Both situations may end up going longer than that... no idea what my parents' life expectancies or future health prospects are; they've both got non-critical medical problems of the sort that could turn critical without warning. One year, two, five...???

Even if all the pressure was removed tomorrow, it would take me some time to get my own equilibrium back, and nothing is actually going to resolve that soon, so that puts my projected recovery time somewhat beyond the 2+ years required to be eligible for DSP. I'll have a thorough psych report to back up my claim, but I'm a bit edgy about the requirement that a condition be "fully treated" because I haven't gone on any medication. It has been discussed with both psychologist and GP, and we've mutually agreed that it could be counterproductive. Hubby's already taking an anti-anxiety tablet at night so that he sleeps properly, and if he gets woken up at night in an emergency, he's too groggy to walk straight. If he doesn't sleep properly, he can't work the next day. (Self employed, highly skilled work that needs full concentration.) Both of us being too groggy to respond could be a nasty situation. I'm thinking I may need to request that the psychologist's report includes a comment to the effect that medication has not been recommended. Eurggh, it's a horrible process to work through. Will be glad when it's dealt with, even if I get knocked back.

(Psychologist has suggested a calming herbal tea at bedtime... ummm, four kids down the track I'd be more concerned that the bladder wouldn't last throught the night if I did. If I have to get up to visit the little room once or twice as a result, it might be a bit self defeating! )

Hello @Smc

sending you hugs my friend

My hubby is self employed due to his MI he can not hold a job

and being self employed he is finding it hard

He takes a anti anxiety med every night and a anti depressant every morning

I have been try for DSP for years as I have promblems from Rubella syndrome which has left me blind in one eye and deaf in one ear , one kidney , Kidney disease stage 4, borderline diabetes , Arthritis and they keep knocking me back

with the kidney disease stage 4 I get up 3 or 4 times a night to go to the toilet

I went to see the doctor because My hubby thinks I need something to cope but the doctor said "You are Ok "

@Shaz51 You're coping with a lot. I helped our two eldest get DSP, one for a neurological disorder, the other for psychological problems. (DID hadn't been dignosed at that stage.) Son- we politely asked for a job capacity re-assessment when he was initially put on Youth Allowance, and it went through after that. Daughter was put through on first application. Meanwhile I hear of people in all sorts of situations similar to or worse than yours who get knocked back. ???

My psychologist had broached the possibility of DSP previously, but I'd opted not to because I was hoping the background situations would improve soon enough for it not to be an issue. The current political climate is not in favour of DSP applications, so I won't be holding my breath that I'll get it. I'll give it a "push" and see what happens.

One way or another, I can't meet job seeker requirements. I can't take on a job and be available as unofficial on-call carer as well. Since parents are officially under the aged care system and daughter and son are sharing a house independently, I don't meet carer pension requirements, yet at the same time, if I don't help out, their care is at risk of falling apart. (The parental house will have to sell sometime before the money is needed for aged care fees... and I'm in the good but hard position of being a trusted confidante of my daughter, more so than some of the professionals she sees; and I'm available 24/7 if needed. *Ahem* still waiting for my unofficial crisis psychology certificate to turn up in the mail...)

So worst case scenario is the DSP gets refused and I'm put back on Newstart requirements. If that happens, I may need to simply opt out of the payment and manage without the money. I'm not going to stop caring for my family, and I won't be able handle the stress of dodging and weaving around un-meetable job seeker requirements. We own our house (run down weatherboard, but it's a roof over our heads) and there's always the veggie garden. We've coped on similarly low funds before now, so I expect we could do so again if need be, and it would probably be mentally healthier for me than the alternative.

Hi @Smc

You have a lot on your place too

And I forgot to say I am looking after my mum who is 85 and I have 4 Step children who are adults now with their own promblems

We own our house (run down weatherboard,as well my friend ( but it's a roof over our heads)

we are living on one low income looking like we have to cut back on more work due to hubby`s MI

But one day at a time , and to think of what we can do that we never thought we could do -- hope that makes sense xx

@Smc, you are totally right -- it's good to know we're not the only ones…

Hello @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Maryjune, @Former-Member