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New member

AlifewithoutjoyCasual Contributor24 Mar 2024, 2:34 pm AEDT

New member

Hi there,

I was recommended to this group via a sobriety group I'm part of. Basically I have a good life. I have a loving family, a good job, financial security and as much privilege as you could wish for as a straight, white, cis male.

I've had issues with self hatred and depression since I was in my early teens (30 odd years now). These developed into alcohol and drug use although while always maintaining a professional facade. Mentally things have been worse since I had kids. Both my kids are smart and beautiful but they both have ASD and that makes home life stressful for someone who had never really mastered personal confrontation. My alcohol use worsened and I then quit completely over half a year ago. Since then I have struggled with finding joy or purpose in anything. I dislike my work (without good reason), I find weekends and evenings challenging, I've booked a holiday that I feel nothing but trepidation and resentment for. I genuinely cannot think of anything that I want or would like. Sex is mechanical, buying things is empty consumerism, I have very few friends ( hard to understand when I sound like such fun I know) and socializing causes me anxiety especially doing so sober. I struggle with building more than superficial relationships and when I do I talk myself out of maintaining them. My few remaining friends are very persistent or stubborn.

I spent years on antidepressants and find them to be either ineffective or in some cases the cause of an immediate threat to my safety. I do not wish to return to antidepressants. I have read about paws related anhedonia but at 7 1/2 months sober it feels like it's stretching credibility to think this might just get better. Google is notoriously full of shit though so maybe someone here has a more qualified perspective?

I have a therapist although she leaves soon. I had a psychiatrist but they retired and I chose not to start again as they seemed to be little more than prescription dispensers.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Apologies for rambling in my first post.

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In response to: New member

D1ng0Senior Contributor26 Mar 2024, 8:30 am AEDT

Re: New member

Hey @Alifewithoutjoy, how are you doing this morning?

By the way, I definitely empathise with you when it comes to old interests seeming meritless. I've found it pretty disconcerting when I try to do things that I previously enjoyed, and now I feel nothing. The way I look at it (which might resonate with you, might not) is that, when daily life is taking so much energy just to navigate, our brains really don't want to waste energy on unnecessary tasks. I try not to put too much pressure on myself to enjoy hobbies/events just because I objectively should, or because other people tend to enjoy them. That can be a pretty tall order when struggling with multiple mental illnesses... or even one.

I try to walk a balance between trying new hobbies, returning to old hobbies, and not biting off more than I can chew. I really relate to the spoons theory. (You might, too?) It helps me reframe what I'm capable of, and avoid feeling that I'm failing for not being mentally well. It also gives me hope, because taking time to address my mental illnesses now means I will have more spoons in the future.

All that is to say, you're not alone. Realising that I don't desire/enjoy anything was really scary, but I've found a way to take the sting out of that, with the help of my therapist. I know that I'll feel deeper happiness and enjoyment in the future, even if it's inaccessible to me now.

Sorry to ramble so much, I'm hoping that sharing some of what I experience will help you in some way. Feel free to take it or leave it! Most importantly, I hope you're doing alright when you read this.

In response to: New member

Jasper_123Senior Contributor02 Apr 2024, 3:46 pm AEDT

Re: New member

Hi @Alifewithoutjoy , I want to congratulate you on your journey to sobriety it is a massive achievement and something that takes constant focus. It sounds to me like you have applied this in many ways to your mental health. Are you interested in finding a new therapist? I think finding the right fit is the most important part of getting therapy.

There's no worries about oversharing or rambling this is the perfect place for just that. I hope the forum can offer you advice and insight!

Are you well educated on ASD?

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