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Something’s not right

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor25 Feb 2024, 3:53 pm AEDT

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I don't have a cool title for this.

I an tired and sick of myself.

So what do I do...I make it worse.

I was upset when I got home late last night. Instead of doing what I should have and just go to bed, I hurt myself and end up in hospital. Making the situation worse.

I feel like all my carers hate me. That they are tired of me and my risk to self. My carer is angry at me about the incidents of early hours of the morning. So many carers have quit because of me over the years.

That's not even my problem. I feel frustrated at myself that I am not recovering. And in the 15 years I'm battling self harm and suicide that the world doesn't trust me and my friends family carers dint trust me. I am not supposed to be left alone.

I thought pursuing my dreams and therapy would change my thoughts and behaviours. But I feel so messed and broken. Do I even deserve to pursue it all and even life anymore.

I'm getting so physically sick all the time because of my self harm. I'm just a drain on society. I should just quit.

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 3:36 pm AEDT

Re: Enter a subject?

@BossBaby I slept ok. I am still so tired.

I tried suicide last night. I'm over it all. Trying to move forward focus on the positives but it's really hard. I need out.

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LouLouMagooSenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 4:23 pm AEDT

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Hey Red, I just sent you an email to check in 🙂

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BossBabySenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 4:24 pm AEDT

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@The-red-centaur, I keep thinking I have no experience with suicide. But in a way my whole life there has been a preoccupation with death - dying to self, "no longer I who live" as a Christian and then beyond that Buddhist concepts of "remaining in the Unborn", dying before you die, etc. Can I ask if this pain feels like yours alone or is it more of a familial trajectory that you're trying to change course in your life? Is there anything you can "put to death" in your life without having to physically end it? Oh gosh it's Easter too. I don't know if this will help but it's probably the only way I can help.

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 6:39 pm AEDT

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Thrers only one thing that needs to be put death

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FriendlyflutterSenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 7:14 pm AEDT

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Hey @The-red-centaur,

We have sent you an email and we haven't heard back from you, looking forward to your reply there.

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BossBabySenior Contributor29 Mar 2024, 9:42 pm AEDT

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KptnzfuTnag

@The-red-centaur I hope you can have release from what is holding you to this sense of unresolvable, insurmountable torment.

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor30 Mar 2024, 5:15 pm AEDT

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@BossBaby @Friendlyflutter

I'm really sorry if I worried you yesterday. I ended in hospital. Safely. And got through the night with a bit of support.

I'm doing better today. When I got home I hang put at the park with my support worker then painted during the afternoon. I have a lit going on and it felt good to talk to a professional about my feelings.

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor30 Mar 2024, 5:16 pm AEDT

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This is what I finished today.

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BossBabySenior Contributor30 Mar 2024, 6:22 pm AEDT

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@The-red-centaur I thought it was pretty much at the point of crisis support but I wanted to offer something by way of support and conversation.

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The-red-centaurSenior Contributor31 Mar 2024, 12:22 am AEDT

Re: Enter a subject?

@BossBaby thanks. I appreciate it. It means a lot to have people care and try to support me through my crisis moments. Sometimes it feels lost out there.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.