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Something’s not right

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I don't have a cool title for this.

I an tired and sick of myself.

So what do I do...I make it worse.

I was upset when I got home late last night. Instead of doing what I should have and just go to bed, I hurt myself and end up in hospital. Making the situation worse.

I feel like all my carers hate me. That they are tired of me and my risk to self. My carer is angry at me about the incidents of early hours of the morning. So many carers have quit because of me over the years.

That's not even my problem. I feel frustrated at myself that I am not recovering. And in the 15 years I'm battling self harm and suicide that the world doesn't trust me and my friends family carers dint trust me. I am not supposed to be left alone.

I thought pursuing my dreams and therapy would change my thoughts and behaviours. But I feel so messed and broken. Do I even deserve to pursue it all and even life anymore.

I'm getting so physically sick all the time because of my self harm. I'm just a drain on society. I should just quit.

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Re: Enter a subject?

@The-red-centaur yeah sleep does wonders hey - can't think dark thoughts if you're surfing through dreamland, lol. Glad to hear you're doing a little better today.

Thanks for sharing your art! It's soooo pretty, love the texture of the colours! Gonna do some more art this evening?

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@Jynx I haven't done much art since. I was out yesterday setting up some stuff for my business. Today I spent all day at the cricket. I'm on my way home on the train and I'm exhausted.

I spoke to my psychiatrist over the phone today. I feel like he didn't listen to me. I distracted with the cricket but I feel down. I'm so sick of being tired all the time and my health being so bad. My gp says it's my mental health. My psychiatrist says I need to speak to my gp.

I'm over it.

I'm tired.

I'm so sore after being out all day.

I'm so overwhelmed, I've had to head home on peak hour and the trains and buses were so full. Too much people, noise, bright lights,

I'm tired of fighting everything.

But

I'm safe. I'll be home soon. And I'll eat and sleep and maybe tomorrow will be better. I have to focus on my future.

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Hey @The-red-centaur ,

You have really made so many gains even if it's hard to see right now.

I hope your transition home will be a smooth one.

Maybe then you can go back to the things you love doing.

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@tyme I don't understand what you said.

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I dislocated my shoulder this morning 😞

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Hi @The-red-centaur, is that a hyper mobility issue? I dislocated my knee in high school - more painful than childbirth! How are you recovering? Does it feel like a setback?

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Hey @The-red-centaur , I meant that you are grown so much as a person even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

I'm sorry to hear you dislocated your shoulder.

How are you feeling today?

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@BossBaby it is a hypermobility issue unfortunately. I first dislocated it in October. Now it has happened 12 times. It's frustrating. It was starting ot get better with physio then this happened on Friday. Its frustrating.

@tyme I'm okish today. I was with my friends all day yesterday playing MtG.

I have been trying to do my housework today. I had to get my carers to do most of it because of my shoulder.

I wish I could get into the studio today. But it's my right shoulder and it's supposed to be immobile. So no painting or art for me today 😞

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The mental health team called an ambulance...I'm done.

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Hey @The-red-centaur, can you talk? I saw your post before work and then as I started my shift the song Talk You Down (by The Script) came on. I don't know if that coincidence means anything to you but I hope you know you're important.

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