@Determined @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Former-Member ...et al...
Two nights away were pleasant. Country town on a river, so a few waterway activities such as a boat cruise and a bit of swimming... pleasant meals out, icecream, assorted second hand shops, little treats like fudge, assorted photo opportunities, postcards home. Relaxed touristy stuff.
But got a few calls from Older Daughter on and off. SH linked in with clamouring internal voices. Worst incident was yesterday, and will require a plastic surgeon again. She was able to get a bed in a big city public hospital this time, so she's been transferred down there. Repairs should happen tomorrow, caseload permitting. We'll probably need to drive down to take her home.
We're hoping and praying that the timing does work out well for tomorrow, preferably the morning. My sister is having a morning tea celebration on Tuesday at work for XX years of being an employee with the company, and she really wants us to be there... and we really want to be there... If the repairs get put off until late Monday or Tuesday morning, that could toss everything out. 😞
It's one of those things that sounds petty, but possibly isn't. We're trying to pull back control over our own lives, and to consciously decide that we can have a holiday or special occasion, and those times should be allowed to take a priority place, for the sake of our own wellbeing. And at the same time, if she doesn't wrest back control over her actions, she's going to destroy herself, either a little bit at a time, or in one big incident that goes too far. Trying to encourage and persuade her to do so hasn't worked; we're now testing out what happens if we withdraw support a little bit... instead of going "to the rescue", trying to talk her around to what she can do herself. Simple things like checking if she's taken "day clothes" into the hospital at night, so a bus home instead of taxi or us picking her up is an option. (Nighttime emergencies being common, she's often in PJs.) Or a bit of "wait time" for pick up to fit around our schedule and needs. Hassle is, if we don't fit her timetable, there's every possibility that she'll call in someone else to help anyway, which defeats the purpose.
And also part of that is that, while we will try to work around getting her home, we're not down there at her bedside. We're in contact via phone, but not supporting her unconscious need to be a brave martyr patient... Am uncomfortably aware that it may well look "uncaring" to others, but doing my best to ignore that possibility.