D.I.D....

Ta @Former-Member. Trusting that your choice of triangles turns into something nice...

It's all so tiring. We were going to get stuck into dinner early and then have an early night, now we're putting it off until we get her call. All the little things that sound petty, but they get pushed around so often, it starts to add up.

Hubby's parents have gifted us some money to go away and have a break. If we do, it may well be interrupted by yet another SH or SA. They get so frequent that it's almost inevitable that something will happen at least weekly, so even two or three days away becomes a "high probability" timespan.

I keep thinking too that with it being highly probable that my Mum won't live much longer, how will Older Daughter handle that? We're going to be dealing with at least one death in the family this year. Depending on how Dad goes, maybe two.... And part of the whole pattern with her seems to be a fascination with death, which is something that goes right back to when she was a preschooler. When you'd think she would have been too little to take in such a big concept.

So... she's only now being seen by a doctor, which means it's kicked over to the time of night when she's eligible for a taxi voucher home. Don't know if mental health services will be called in. She asked if I was wanting to talk to the doctor... honestly, I don't know what more I could say.

Again we're running up against the problem that she believes she is helpless against how she feels/thinks, and there's only so much that the professionals can do when she can't/won't (oooh there's a really vague boundary between the two!) do any of the "lifting" herself. Which she interprets as no-one being able to give her the help she needs.

It's funny (funny odd...); that too is something which goes right back to when she was a baby. Often she would cry for ages, and nothing would comfort her. Leaving her quietly by herself, or cuddling, feeding, singing, playing, walking... it was as if she was unable to recieve what was being given/offered. Now the same happens with psych and other support. None of it seems to get through to where its needed. 😞

On wait-duty again. So delaying dinner again.
She was called in while she was on the phone to us, but don't know if that means we'll get the call soon or not. Even once "in", it can still take some time to be attended to, and I think both the ambos and the Emergency Ward staff are becoming increasingly concerned at her daily incidents.
Dunno, maybe I should start something cooking. Don't really feel like cold chicken and salad...

@Smc and.news yet?

🙏

@Determined, I decided we needed to have dinner so put it in the oven. She rang for pick up about five minutes before it was ready, which meant she'd be waiting an extra 15 mins on top of the half hour travel so we could eat first. She rang again when we were nearly finished saying the hospital had given her a taxi voucher. So we didn't have to drive in, but at the same time, I would have liked her to have the patience to wait that little bit longer.

All "sorted" for the moment. While she was there they also re-tested her serum levels for any residual traces from her SA. Those were all OK.

Another phone call at 11-something last night. She hadn't SH'd yet but very much feeling the compulsion to do so, so a phone helpline she rang had said to get an ambulance. They were sending out a taxi instead. Which is understandable given there was no actual medical incident (yet) but means she would have needed to pay for her own way home. Taxi vouchers only apply if you come in by ambulance. Haven't heard how that one panned out, but I had lots of trouble sleeping last night.

@Smc ...

Praying for you and family.

Strength and endurance for you and hubby

Peace for daughter.

Trust and pray other children are all holding together the best they can. It must be hard for them also watching on.

Thanks @Determined.
Hubby and I both had a bit of a cry this morning at church. It was a casual "reflect on the year" type of service... which was, unsurprisingly, a bit raw.

There's a few really good people supporting us there though. One lady saw us and came over, making sure she wasn't intruding. As we know she's been through similar with a daughter who struggled with ED and SH... no, she wasn't intruding. Our long time minister and his wife also had their daughter go through a dangerously rough stage, and the interim minister and his wife, who are overlapping with the "retiring" stage of the long term minister, both have a nursing background. All of them "touched base" with us and/or Older Daughter to one extent or another through the morning, which we really appreciated.

Older Son is surprisingly resilient through it all, but I still wish he'd take our advice and get some psychological counselling back up in place. Younger Son is away at a holiday beach mission (they happen at so many beaches, I don't think I'm breaching any privacy saying that!) and Younger Daughter is off visiting her best friend until after New Year, so they're currently a bit shielded from what's happening. Really would be good if things are more stable before Younger Daughter comes home. I think she's the most affected out of the kids at the moment.

Thinking of you @Smc

Trust you get some sleep tonight.

Thanks @Former-Member... about to head in to pick her up from today's emergency visit. 😞
Trying to get the message through to her that we need her to try harder to fight it because we're getting near to our limits.
I'm not impressed with the current psych counselling mindset of treating each person as a discrete case, unrelated to anyone else. There's a point where that becomes total rubbish, because we can see all too well how one person's MI has this huge ripple effect on the whole family. More like a crashing wave than a ripple...