9 things NOT to say to someone who is a carer--- Teaching others what to say

"It's been the same problem for ages- why aren't they over it yet?" Often comes from well meaning friends who haven't had much experience of long term mental illness, but have seen things like "reactive depression" that do usually pass once the triggering circumstances are resolved. Happily, with a bit of "education" a good friend will eventually get the message that nah... this is long term and a wee bit more complicated...

@perseverer @Former-Member... I wonder if there is some tricky grey area around mental health and spirituality. I've come across studies that have found an apparent link between strong spiritual beliefs/committments and mental wellness. Maybe there is a connection between poor spiritual health and poor mental health too, but regardless that doesn't mean someone with MI should be held to blame for their condition. A lot of people are mentally well due to no particular effort on their part. Likewise a lot of people are mentally ill due to no particular error on their part.

Healthy spirituality, to me, includes a sense of being valued and supported (even loved) and a sense of connection to others; a genuine concern for others wellbeing; a belief that this world is broader than what goes on inside my own skull- which includes but isn't limited to belief in a God. These are things that come up as "protective factors" in depression sufferers. The kind of things can make the difference between whether the depression moves into suicidal or not. I do know people with mental illness who seem to cope better because of their beliefs.

Anyway won't rabbit on about that too much, getting a little bit off topic.

Thanks, @Former-Member, I agree with you. But I must also say that I come across strong, prejudicial attitudes all the time, most alarminglingly of all, from psychiatrists and other mental health workers. The psychiatrist who saw my son during his last visit to ER said, for example, "Maybe he's not getting enough attention from you and that's why he needs to keep coming back to hospital." And someone from Primary Health I spoke to this morning complained that too much emphasis is given to schizophrenia as a medical issue rather than as response to trauma. ie We are too reliant on medical treatment and barking up the wrong tree. I nearly fell over backwards, but it explains a lot.

And to be honest, I am just at the point of feeling very overwhelmed. That there are people like this in the system who are responsible for providing care thinking this way is horrifying. I feel just so determined to try and break down these barriers but it seems that every little improvement is a prolonged and hard fought battle.

Hello @perseverer, @Smc, @Former-Member, @Anony18, @Appleblossom xx

and another one I get is ""You are not doing enough to help him ""

i think my Inlaws wanted me to "Fix Him""

@Shaz51- We went through a patch of having some people saying we weren't doing enough, while others were saying we were being overprotective and needed to step back. Dunno, maybe that means on average we were getting the right balance??

Yes sometime I find it hard to find the right balance @Smc, @perseverer, @Former-Member, @Anony18, @Appleblossom

@Goldie,@Shaz51, @Smc My in-laws would say, "But there was never anything wrong with him growing up."

Hello @Smc, @perseverer, @Darcy, @Anony18, @Appleblossom, @Goldie, @Littletink_

Hi @Shaz51 👋