too hard

You've acknowledged that you are broken

I'm so broken too

Acceptance is so hard

But at least its a step

Thank you for helping me accept that i'm so broken

So wonderful to read that your children are home with their mum @Former-Member So happy for you xx

im so relieved that they're home but really struggling at same time. i pulled it together for them and handled the issues that came up immediately with ex and what hes told them about stuff ok in front of them and theyre ok. lil girl was annoyed with me most of the way home but already settling i think, sometimes it takes most of the first week. but i'm just feeling defeated more and more. the issues are never going to end with him and his need to control and dominate things. i am trapped by everything and so powerless. i'm so tired.

You can do this @Former-Member

You have already been remarkably present and hard-working.

You are probably right .. he wont change much .. and with kids we cannot cut contact completely .. so its finding an armour for dealing with him .. and just be practical about the issues with the kids ..

DONT TAKE IT ON PERSONALLY.

Working part-time sounds wiser to me .. BE kind to you .. you can also find ways to save the money and not waste it .. and the children will appreciate it in the long run ... My son travelled overseas with his dad .. but it actually consolidated his respect for me .. when he returned .. he told me he had just been wanting to come home ..

The good thing is that gradually .. in all those little steps you will build a life .. that reflects your values and priorities .. I found that very freeing .. I found things about myself and developed parts of myself that I never would have believed but also became more and more fully me .. without having to deal with a manipulator and controller in your home .. your body will slowly achieve some of its equilibrium.

have faith .. @Former-Member .. Dont worry about labels .. whether medical or negative self talk .. just keep living each day and gently your true self will be revealed ..

Even tho I have had a few hard blow outs this week .. there are other things that are coming together in a beautiful way for me .. cant go into it too much .. but it involves community music project .. of high quality and with vision and aims I can really get behind .. and my friends seem to want to get on board with me ..

We just dont know what is around the corner.

Bye for now Bella lj

Thank you @Appleblossom

i know you've been here... and gotten through.. my negative brain only has bad things to say in comparison to myself so i'll just zip for a bit.

so tired, but night is really hard at the moment. and theres a storm coming through. been getting warnings through cfs last few hours. will be hitting more strongly later but already raining.

so wound up and anxious. over it brain is on overload all the time.

lj

Oh, it's horrible feeling like that @Former-Member

I used to feel like that all the time, not as much anymore, thank goodness. Sometimes my thoughts just won't switch off, almost impossible to do mindfulness when feeling like that.

The psychologist I was seeing, said that if mindfulness is done approx half an hour a day, in a couple of months our brains can actually re-shape, amazing really. They scanned some peoples brains before and after 2 months of mindfulness and their brains had actually re shaped.

I was doing ok with doing mindfulness, but since before Christmas I haven't been doing so well with it, but I know I have to start doing it again. It does help, but not always easy.

I hope the storm goes away for you. I know when we have a storm at night, I can't sleep because of all the noise. xoxo