too hard

Hi @Ellu

just home from fireworks/family evening thing local. it was busy and hectic and overwhelming. the kids had a good time in these big blow up balls (zorbs? i think theyre called and jumping castles/mazes). so it was worth it but exhausting. mind runs away with me at these things at the moment and its so hard.

there are so many stressors in my life and there's nothing i can do about them without serious consequences... family court/custody stuff. scared of telling psychiatrist too much (though i never lie either) in case it goes to family court... again. work stress... again if im not working/able to work, reduce time any further it will be questioned by my ex in family court, financial.. costs of family court/lawyers have been enormous over last 3 years on top of setting up a home almost from nothing, now reducing work time already and no idea how we'll cope with that either.. ex wont even talk about settlement stuff and i cant afford to file for divorce to force that part of the proceedings on top of family court lawyer costs. and other stuff i just cant explain/talk about. having continuous flashbacks, dizzyness/breathing problems that is just anxiety msot days and im just exhausted. i fled from one bad home into another.. and now still dealing iwth the aftermath of that and just feels never ending. there's always something bad just around the corner. im exhausted and now because of my brokeness and things that have happened over the last 2 years with my mi things are worse than ever.

lj

@Former-Member I'm really sorry to hear how hard things have been for you recently.

Just wanted to check in with how you have been going over the last week or so?

We're all here for you

Take care,

Shimmer

Hi @Shimmer

thanks, things are hard and dont feel like they're going to get better. people tell me i'm capable and ok, that things will be ok. nothing can be fixed.. but things will be ok... i cant see how. kids are gone again, my lil boy woke up five times last night, always gets anxious before going, though he went with a smile at drop off, which is good. feeling very trapped by everything and overwhelmed thinking about doing anything for things that are coming up re school stuff, family court stuff, sons surgery, appointments. its just sends my anxiety into overwhelm stage and i cant do it. support worker wants me to make lists of things i have to do/get done and its just too much (not her fault, im just useless).

you've been very active around the forums today, i gather catching up on things! but thankyou for all the caring and kind posts you've given everyone today.

lj

Sounds like things are still really hard @Former-Member. That's so difficult being in the headspace where you feel like things aren't going to improve. I can understand why you are feeling overwhelmed and trapped - there is just so much on your plate! It is not because you are useless at all - anyone in your position would be struggling. To do lists can be helpful to organise your thoughts but yes sometimes it makes it seem like there is just too much - I definitely feel that way looking at mine sometimes. I hope your support worker can help with some of the things on the list.

I don't know what the way forward is for you to feel like things will be okay again, but like others I do have confidence in you to get there - I hope that is not an unhelpful thing to say, I know you don't feel that way at the moment. We're here for you as you keep figuring out your next steps forward, or just to stay afloat, wherever you are at each day. I hope you know how much you are cared for around here

Yes I had the whole day on the Forums which has been wonderful! That's right, I have been trying to catch up after the holidays, want to know what's been going on with everyone. That's lovely of you to say, thank you @Former-Member

Shimmer xo