Wishing all forum members and moderators a Merry Christmas

Hi @Former-Member & @Decadian....

Thank you for your replies....

I started to struggle as my partner went over to the main house to use the bathroom & as his sister & kids were there he got a bit stuck over there... My partner ignored the alcoholic who was talking to my partner's brother in law.... He said he felt like he was over there for 4 hours - it was about an hour...

I haven't responded until now, as my partner came back & we have been watching season 4 of Longmire - finished now. Brought it on Friday & began watching that night. It was a good idea of mine to buy a TV show we both enjoy - that the video ezy kiosk doesn't have - to distract from the sadness I feel over dysfunctional families on xmas day....

We have only had nibbles so far... my partner wants to make lasagna, but he has a headache - he has taken painkillers, so we will see - I don't mind - we have food to make salad wraps or burritos too....

My 'mother in law' brought me two dresses that she found for me when we went shopping with her yesterday (we just went for food) & my 'sister in law' & family gave us a basket with vegan food - olives, chili jam, vegan chocolate, cacao powder, sparkling apple juice, trail mix - thoughtful... Also - very sweet - I got a card from one of my 'nephews' & my partner got one from the other one - who is his godson & our favourite.... My mum has got me a bangle with a green butterfly, but is meeting with me in the new year to give it to me....

My partner went over to house again & my had to tell his mum again he wasn't going to join everyone for dinner because of the alcoholic... so many people want to play happy families - having done it growing up as a child & sticking up for my mum for so long - I just can't do it for anyone or anymore - if we went over there my partner simply wouldn't enjoy it - I would probably end up having to leave & in tears considering conversation would be forced.... I just can't do it....

It's okay...

Thanks for reading,

Ahimsa - Namaste,

Anna

@Former-Member

It sounds like quite a day - I really don't understand about the alcoholic - but the last time I saw my brother - who is one of them - I snarled at him for using bad language around my dd, gd and me - I do not like that - ah - so

That was after my mother's funeral - heck

For whatever reason - Happy Families is hard work - it is better to be ordinary - it's not a bad idea to give away that part of Christmas - after all when things are awkward - why not?

So I don't see so much family on Christmas Day or ever really - only my dd and all of her family that is getting bigger and bigger - my olds have gone now and I have a sister who is really toxic - better to keep away - and things are improving between dd and me so this isn't playing Happy Families - it's the real thing

I guess you are also over it - I am sorry about the lasagne - I enjoy a bit of that - it's pretty tasty - yeah

Dec

You know @Former-Member,

i learned the hard way that there are no perfect or totally happy families. Today I chose something I never thought I would which was to have tea on my own. My youngest didn't want to leave me on my own (which is a bit residual from me SH the other week). I don't want my kids to feel responsible for me and all his brothers were seeing there girlfriends for tea so I made him go to his girlfriends house for tea. I really didn't want to feel like anyone had to keep me company and I didn't want to go somewhere tired and anxious and have to put on a mask and smile through it so I declined everyone. It's strangely the best decision I think I've made. The time I spent with my family was authentic but it was enough for me. I completely understand you not wanting to spend time in a stressful environment. It is really hard finding the balance but I think it is so important. I think you've made the right choice.

It was nice to read of the thoughtful and personal gifts you received too. I hope you keep these and the time spent with your partner as the memories of this Christmas.

Hugs 💜🤗

The beach & swimming sounds beautiful @BlueBay....

Sorry, about your tears for your dad...

Sorry, about your sister - my sister called & left a voicemail (I nearly always have phone on silent) - we talked a bit over facebook messenger - I didn't have the energy to ring her back - talking on the phone takes a lot of emotional energy.... Maybe your sister is struggling too? I don't know...

It is lovely that your kids spoilt you....

@Decadian - I was abused by an alcoholic - I have PTSD & am triggered by alcoholics - we live on my partner's mum's farm - her partner is an alcoholic etc etc.

@Former-Member I'm glad you enjoyed your time alone

Partner is going to make burritos - I don't mind at all....

Ahimsa - Namaste,

Anna

@Former-Member lovely to see you

our house is mostly an alcohol free zone with me having the odd bottle to bring to ease socialising .. and not be a freeloader or donate it etc

authenticity has its plus side at least we are clear ..

Glad you went for a calm tea .. @Former-Member you were right .. to let kids go .. and let them know you can manage yourself ..

we are going out for a walk now that it is cooled a little.

L

I am so glad you had an okay day @BlueBay

Sorry about the tears - glad you are over some of the stuff - that's an important thing to remember - you are starting to let it go

Swimming on Christmas Day - well many years ago we had a splasher for the kids - it was a metre deep and three metres in diameter and I could swim across it with one stroke - but it was a lot of work and once the algae got into it that was the end of the fun -

But it seems there was a lot of dread for you about today - could you have changed anything? Life is what it is and you had a great day with your kids - and you did a lot

Well done

Dec

Hope you enjoy/enjoyed your walk @Appleblossom

Hey @BlueBay,

im glad your day went better than expected. It sounds like you've had some lovely moments to create some good memories from Christmas 2016. May be this is the beginning of the letting go.

Sending hugs 🤗