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What does being enough feel like?

JSP1Casual Contributor11 Feb 2024, 7:32 pm AEDT

What does being enough feel like?

I've been facing my issues for 13 years. A lot of that time I was aware of my issues but didn't do much to fix them. In the past few years, I've made a lot of progress. I have a stable job with bosses and colleagues who love and treat me well. I've gotten better at socialising - still not fantastic and can get anxious, but not as much as before. The people in my life have nothing but good things to say about me.

The one thing that I have not had in the past 13 years is love, dating, romance. I haven't had it because for the most part, I haven't gone after it. It could be a cop-out for my avoidance, but I want a happy and healthy relationship and to be in one, you need to be happy and healthy yourself. So I've been a work in progress for a long time.

But I'm starting to think that for a while now I would have been enough for a nice woman, it's just me that I have not been enough for. I'm trying to be perfect, but it will never be enough. I'll fix all my superficial flaws - it won't be enough. I'll have friends tell me that I'm a great guy, attractive, sweet, sexy - they must be lying or just trying to be nice.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore because I don't even know what it would be like to feel enough.
How would you describe your feeling of enough? The feeling that lets you put yourself out there and gets people to love you in the way that I've been missing.

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In response to: What does being enough feel like?

MayaBird07Senior Contributor13 Feb 2024, 7:20 pm AEDT

Re: What does being enough feel like?

It's great that you've been doing work on yourself. I can definitely relate to feelings of not being enough.

I have been doing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and last week we talked about the importance of validation. I know I am guilty of searching for validation from others that I am ok or doing the right thing. It sounds like you've been getting a lot of positive validation from friends and family. Being a perfectionist, I find it hard to validate my own feelings because, to me, I could always be better.

In response to: What does being enough feel like?

Jasper_123Senior Contributor14 Feb 2024, 3:46 pm AEDT

Re: What does being enough feel like?

hey @JSP1

Honestly, you may never feel like you're enough. For it fluctuates quite a lot (BPD) I've found having a moral code that I follow helps me to feel enough. By this I mean asking myself "what would a kind person do?" or some other guiding questions. Another thing you can do is thinking of your friend/s and asking yourself "are they enough?" "how are they different to me" because if your friends are enough - whatever that means to you than it's more than likely that you are too.

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