Nice Guys go to Hell

Hi @Former-Member,

it sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I wonder did something happen recently or is it just the stress of the Christmas season? Either way, please go easy on yourself.

Don't hate yourself, @Former-Member. You have been living a good life, trying to treat everyone as you yourself would like to be treated. This is admirable, and something I aspire to do in my life, too. (I don't alway succeed.)

But sometimes, even when we are really good and kind and generous and do our best by others... we don't receive the same treatment in return. It can be so disappointing - I know. That's when I think it's perfectly OK to turn away from certain people and cease to be overly kind to them... we don't have to be Saints, after all. We have to know when to draw the line and just be good to ourselves, above all.

If you treat yourself well, you will find other people will soon follow your lead and treat you well, too.

I'm sorry you hate where you live and what you do. It sounds like you are questioning a lot of things.... like society and society's expectations of us. I do the same. Personally, I am a bit reclusive, by choice, and do not get too involved in the 'rat race.'

I wonder if there are things you would like to do some day that you have not yet had a chance to explore?

I hope you start to feel better today... can you write back and tell us a bit more about yourself?

Hugs.

@Former-Member

Totally agree with @Sahara

Sometimes the more you give the less you receive and it can be soul destroying. I do try to remember to be true to myself and that I give because that is who I am - if others aren't doing the same then that is on them not you.

It is a really tough time of year for so many and a time when 'giving to others' is so prominent in the world. This time of year can be so difficult because it becomes 'superficial' giving and not the ingrained emotional, everyday giving that you have within yourself. Your insight into not wanting to inflict the same hurt or pain on others that you have suffered is not a value that everyone in the world has. This is a remarkable attribute to have. Be kind to yourself - it seems that you have so much to give in this world already. Stay connected - we're here to listen x

DearGlassWings,

I read your post and could identify so much of myself in what you said. I have always felf myself to be worthless and useless and filled with a kind of hate which is sometimes turned inwards and sometimes turned outwards. I should mention that I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years, and how I managed to get through this far I don't know. Well I do know, it is with the support of a wonderful psychiatrist who has literally saved my life several times.

My bi-polar has been under control for several months, but these feelings of hopelessness and uselessness kept plaguing me, and my doctor recommended that I see a psychoanalyst. Well I have been undergoing psychoanalysis for serveral months now (twice a week) and he has been helping to get at the root of myproblems by exploring past experiences and childhood feelings. It has brought up a whole lot of memories I thought I had forgotten, and liberated me from some of my faulty thinking. I feel like a new person - I have a ong way to go yet, but I am learnig about myself and my relationship with others.

Have you tried "talk therapy"? (Counselling, psychologyst, psychotherapist). You may find that talking about what is troubling you will enable you to work out why you think as you do and take some positive steps to avoid being caught up is another cycle. You need to come into contact with your heart, with your real inner self, and talking therapy works for that. I am sure your GP will be able to recommend someone good. Really, I can't tell you enough how "talk therapy" has helped me,; it on[y it cound help you get out of the awful place you are in now. I'm thinking of you,

Ellu

Thats a huge insight @Former-Member

About co-relation not being causal.

Yes but when we start to express our position .. we have to start somewhere .. and in summation many details are lost.

For most of us there is a huge expanse where life is suffering .. but who wants to be a whinger all the time .. I can only cast off the mantle of pain occasionally .. but as one of my more recent skills .. is the ability to laugh

yes I call it a skill ... cos I did not have it or was not allowed to do it in early decades. I try to cutivate it .. all I can do is look forward and try and live the best for now .. if I look back too much I get upset ny the dreadful waste and tragedy .. but of course .. it does catch up.

I am not really a speed freak .. but when I rode motor cycles I used to accelerate until I had to slow down to stop .. well mostly .. did not go on freeways much back then .. inner city girl.

never stole a vehicle .. but knew those that did ..

mostly as an oldie I try and slow people down .. as I lived long enough in the fast lane ..

take care .. glass wings are beautiful but must be fragile ..

Thanks @Appleblossom

My full handle is actually brokenglasswings.

But as you say, who wants to be a whinger all the time?

So I altered it to avoid...preconceptions..

I'm not a believer in the slightest of things divine or supernatural, but sometimes those are great metaphors for things too...big...or complex...to explain in a post...

So, today... quotes and metaphors.

---

"Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves. I know I can't.
..
What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
..
Everybody's Hell is different.
Is not all fire and pain.
The real Hell is your life gone wrong.
..

Sometimes, when you win, you lose."
..

- Robin Williams / What Dreams May Come

Yes I did physics and maths and English

and am a big believer in the power of tropes

and metaphor is just one ..

the human mind .. abounds in them and societies do too

.. yes

there are many things that words

cannot explain

cheers @Former-Member

See this is where I see my reflection looking back, In the words and feelings expressed, the reason as far as I can see is that firstly it's an unknown having someone actually care is something we haven't experienced it's always us that has to be the one that cares that helps that takes on the pain and don't wish to burden others so we take it upon ourselves to fight through. Secondly if someone doesn't care then what is the purpose if there is no compassion no affection then you might as well be talking recorder it would mean the same for if you were to never go back it would mean nothing to them and it may just be me but sometimes we need someone some of us more than others