A message of hope

thanks for your post, I to have had serious "issues" that had built up for many years, nearly ended my life, still not sure while I did not take that last step. Ended up in hospital and had the CAT team for support which was very good as they called me daily. I have suffered in silence for many years and self-medicated why presenting as a well-rounded individual. I find it very embarrassing talking about "what's really in my head" and the journey to recovery will never stop. I now understand without support, my journey will end early and its very difficult to find consistent appropriate support. Mindfulness takes years to "get it" at my end.

I have now been tagged by my family as loonie, if my boss found out I be sacked on the spot as a manage a lot of people, the way forward for me is to live in the moment easier said than done especially when you see the next big wave about to swamp you,sick of people saying let it flow over you, with practice we may all surf one day 🙂

Ah yes, @Matt12 the wonderful labels filled with stigma that people give us and we give ourselves because we are struggling with psychological pain. Imagine if we gave a cruel label to someone suffering from cancer!

The whole mindfulness meditation thing definitely takes discipline, courage, compassion and daily practice. A bit like playing footie professionally. I found a bit of daily routine and commitment to trying to heal myself in this way that has worked for thousands of years for people was great when there was nothing to hold on to and no solid ground beneath my feet. Decided to take it as my working hypothesis for a while and see if it worked for me too.

three years in, I at least have regular stretches of calm, definitely more equanimity and resilience, but it's no quick fix. And moments of real joy too!

Biggest thing was investigating with kindness and curiosity every tool that could possibly work to ease the pain - for a moment, an hour or a whole sleepless night. Built up a toolkit over a few years. Everyone is going to choose their own tools though.

I opened up to a lot of the wrong people, and suffered for it. I think I get where you're coming from. I've pushed away friends and family, and while that hurts, it was and is necessary for me to create the space to heal where I'm not getting external messages of criticism, judgement and blame. I can give myself quite enough of all that thanks! Ha ha ha.

As a former HR professional, I'd say that they all know the politically correct thing to write in the policies about diversity and mental health and all that, but NONE of them really know how to walk the talk yet. We are way behind other western countries in that regard. But that's just my opinion from corporate HR land. There, they'll offer up fake sympathy and understanding and call you a looney in lunch hour behind your back! Well, maybe not that bad. Anyway, it'll be a very brave man that owns up to any mental health issues in the workplace in my opinion. They wouldn't be allowed to sack you, but it could go any number of ways. Be patient and build up your tolerance for....um....letting judgement, criticism and blame through to the keeper. Not quite the same as letting it wash over you.......see it coming and choose not to hit back or catch it?

You are far from looney,you manage a lot of people you are in the workforce,not like me who left the workforce due to symptoms of anxiety and depression.My "bad storms"took away my life,you are still in the moment hanging on.I envy you.Matt12

I wish you all the best of luck with your 'hanging on'. You are doing great. As a mother of a sufferer all I can do is send you my best wishes and my hope that things will improve. I don't have definitive information I can give as I am searching in an effort to help my son,. but I do hope things turn out well for you.

Dear Chris,

I am so sad that you have to fight this awful battle with yourself. I can identify fully with what you say - I am 63 years old and have had bi-polar disorder since I was 15 - that's 47 years! In my states of bi-polar depression I inevitably start to think about suicide, and sometimes I feel an impulsive need to take my own life. Rationally I know I will get better eventually, but when I am in the middle of an episode I can't see that, just the bleaknes and hopelessness all around.

When I was talking to my psychiatrist about suicide he said "Your children will never get over it." Now when bad times come around I drum that statement into my head like a mantra, and imagine my childrens' faces if I do the unthinkable.

You are doing just the right thing, talking to your health care team and psychologist. It sounds as if you are going to have to find a new psychiatist, which is a bit daunting, but there are plenty of fine people out there.

You are coping so well distracting yourself and accepting help when offered. Isn't this the time to talk to your family about what is going on and ask for their support? My children are all in their 20's now, but I have no hesitation in saying to one of my boys "I need a hug".They have grown up with my illness. Why can't you ask your family for what you need? Maybe a few cups of coffee and some long chats are in order. Maybe your family wants to help but doesn't know what to do? There is no harm in asking for help. This may in fact be what draws you further together so that everyone feels better.

With our illness we are very isolated and lonely. But sometimes we have to teach people how to help us, so that we can both reach out and embrace the problem.

Best wishes for the festival season, however way (even not at all!) you are planning to spend it.

Ellu

Thanks for the feedback, I have had enough of external messages of criticism, judgement and blame to, I accept my shortfalls and have apologized for my mistakes and I am seeking help for the first time to manage “my head” to be told I have lived a half life and to get real does not help my recovery, so for me to grow, I need to find new ways of healing, this is helping.

The way I see it is cloudy at the minute, but the sun will shine!

Thanks for your support J

Well lots going on. My son and daUghter in law will be arriving from interstate soon. Staying for a wee. Good but stressful. My youngest son is going through a bad time and im very worried about him. He is seperated from his partner, ( three years)and has just started a new relationship with a lovely lady . But his ex is being very nasty and vindictive, and draging there girls into it age 7 and 5. She has found his new girlfriends phone number and sent her two very nasty messages. He is a real mess. To top it off his grandfather died three months ago and he hasnt started to grieve. Lunch is at grandfathers house tomorow. (My daughter was his carer for the last four years and lived with him and her family) So its going to be tough all round with pop not being there . He is feeling guilty that he hadnt taken the girls over, after pop asked about the girls. Its hard to watch your grown son cry, and he doesnt know what to do. He knows im hear for him. He was there a couple of weeks ago for me. He came looking for me, and when he found me just put his arms around me.. Then my daughter rang me about one of her friends who she thinks is going to relinquish her daughter to her and she thinks this friend is suicidal. It is a big delema.

And me? Well i am muddling through each day. The crisis team are calling me every two to three days. Someone came out on Wednesday to see me. After anhour talking he said they cant do much for me. Only a one off appointment with a psychiatrist for a medication review. Not much point really. Cant seek out another psychiatrist untill after the 9th of January when most will be back at work. Then to get a referal, and probably a long wait to see someone up to three months. Just got to take it day by day now.Still somehow i am hanging in there. I guess i feel useful for my kids being there for them. Makes me feel needed, but i hate seeing them so distressed.