Living? in trauma environment

I'm so sorry @Ot2

It is absolutely heartbreaking that you are still experiencing such emotional distress daily. Family should be people you can rely on, and it's awful that you've not been able to. Regarding the situation with your mother's messages, would you say they constitute abuse? It's saddening that the police, the people we are expected to rely on for help and protection in this broken system, ignored your plight.

It's regrettable that your psychologists have been less than helpful. While sometimes its helpful to erect boundaries or leave some people out of your life, that's understandably not an option for you. Do you think your mother may be okay with mediation through a psychological professional? I know it's not for everyone, but it certainly helped me when I was in a situation like yours with a close relative.

I want you to know that you're not alone, and even though I'm not in your shoes, I certainly understand the feeling of hopelessness and being trapped. I know it feels like you're just surviving, but you are worthy of thriving. 💛

With kindness and love
Xibon

@Ot2 I also want to mention that a few days after a police visit two years ago, there was a news article about police culture changing because they know their response to DV hasn't been good enough. So our recovery timeline is entangled in the timeline of a police culture that knows it needs to improve.

@Xibon @8ppleTree @BossBaby

Hi again online support team,

Every now and again I feel trapped and remember that I'm still not at my goal of moving out. I have gotten a few bites with work and work at a supermarket part-time stacking shelves. I'm in the process of signing up with some tutoring companies too which is nice to feel some sort of movement there.

What I find really hard is a balance of doing good things for myself and acknowledging how trapped and scared I feel. On one hand I want to run, and do sport and meet people and do self-care dot to dot books and origami. On the other hand, things that I do here are tainted because of her. I can't help it. I'm seriously re-traumatised even if i don't interact with her. It's debilitating and I'm so tired of it. Part of me wants to just live here and use the kitchen and living room areas (because I stay in my room all the time to avoid her); the part that doesn't want to feel uncomfortable with nothing to do about it. Then another part of me remembers she hasn't changed ever, is opposed to therapists and I'm always tired after talking to her; I end up having to leave because she doesn't stop berrating me, so I avoid all together to save my energy.

This push pull feeling of what I could do different is so confusing and I feel like my brain goes numb thinking about it. I know doing anything different here won't help me, and I feel I have to work twice as hard on self-care whilst living here; doing it 200%, 100% to get my head above water and then another 100% to keep it going.

@Ot2 thanks for the update! I can definitely relate to organising your whole home routine around avoiding someone. Now for self-care and child safety reasons I do my best to avoid a lot of situations or "frequencies". I used to channel surf the car radio until I ended up just leaving it off, so life also feels very quiet these days. Just for now I want to at least let you know your situation is relatable and I want to support you in the confusion created from conflicting values.

Hi @Xibon @BossBaby @8ppleTree @scruffypuffball

Update: I moved out at the start of the month. It's been a whirlwind. I've been so excited and nervous. Sad and elated. Tired and calm. I left a note when I moved all my stuff finally out of home because my mother wasn't home. I've blocked her because I can't deal with that right now. I need to get my head back and get into a routine and enjoy doing hobbies again. I've realised how much of an impact it had on my mental health. It's so wild. I have been cooking, still spend time in my room but have my door open as my housemates are a couple in their thirties and have been very welcoming. They have a 2 year old border collie which I love and play with every day. I'm in such a better home environment now. I would love to get started on living my life but I've also felt like it's taken a week for the feeling of moving to finally settle; it's cool that I thought and felt that's what it was, despite being overwhelmed and clogged in the head for almost a whole week. Usually I ruminate, but this was an obvious answer. I've finally been able to relax and be calm in the home I'm living in. It's been one step at a time, but this step was so significant. I'm grateful and proud of myself for the way that I have looked after myself during my year at home; it's become part of me and makes living here so much more enjoyable and I can finally see the fun in life. I have had a few down days which is okay, they will happen. My next goal, when I get a chance, is to work on developing friendships. Relationships with people are quite confusing to me, especially with mixed signals and the different brain wirings of people. I'm hoping to talk about this with my therapist next week.

Thank you to all of you for responding when I needed support. Looking back, it really helped.

@Ot2 It does my heart good to hear of this progress! I hope you can make the most of this fresh start and find enough help around you to make it a sustainable and enriching change from stuck family dynamics and other limitations.

Hi again, I'm having a bit of trouble and am after some advice/mentoring.

I'm after some advice on a career change. I'm finding it hard to know what to do. I have a Cert IV in Bookkeeping and Accounting, a Cert III in Business and a Bachelor of Music.

The music degree gave me experience but now I'm after a stable job where I don't have to juggle working 3 jobs.

I would like to be able to study part-time online.

I am skilled in maths, problem solving, computers, visualisation, creativity. Any ideas on where I could go from here?

Thanks!

Hi @BossBaby @Xibon @8ppleTree

I'm having a bit of trouble deciding my next move and am after some advice/mentoring.

I'm after some advice on a career change. I'm finding it hard to know what to do. I have a Cert IV in Bookkeeping and Accounting, a Cert III in Business and a Bachelor of Music.

The music degree gave me experience but now I'm after a stable job where I don't have to juggle working 3 jobs living paycheck to paycheck without room to spend on going out with friends or nice things.

I would like to be able to study part-time online.

I am skilled in maths, problem solving, computers, visualisation, creativity. Any ideas on where I could go from here?

Thanks!

Hey @Ot2 ,

That's a tough one because it depends on you, where you located and what is needed in your area.

I'm thinking music tuition, online design jobs for people... I don't know.

Hi @Ot2

So glad to hear that you're doing well and looking forwards to your next moves 😄

Local TAFEs often have free career services that you might find useful, from careers counselling, to prep for job interviews. You often do not even need to be a student.

Another option is to put your CV into Chat GPT and ask it to suggest a few job pathways to you. You can then narrow it down by your locale, or upload particular job position descriptions and ask it what training/experience you might need to be a good candidate.

Just keep putting your resume out there, it can take months to even hear something back, so don't be disheartened. Just keep chipping away at it 👍