I get stressed with the dynamics of my family

There are so many things that effect the dynamics. @Former-Member First born gets to make all the mistakes and be the guinea pig etc and gender ... and health and talent issues ...

I am looking forward to animals at the zoo teaching me about some of the things that arent moral or failings but just part of being alive.

Take care @Former-Member

@Former-Member

My family dynamics were crazy, they would all bitch about each other but at the same time enable each other.

I was the youngest and it just screwed me up.

Probably last 10 years I havent had anything to do with my family as they were toxic for me and I am much better off. They havent even tried to ring me - which is not surprising being who they are etc and that does hurt in a way but I am so much better off stress wise no having anything to do with them.

Like they say you can choose your friends but not your family - but that doesnt mean you have to put up with the b.......t! either !

I was the youngest too,havent had anything to do with siblings for many years,due to unemployment,anxiety,depression and nothing going right don't want nothing to do with relatives due to past experiences.Getting together with relatives,means in my family the following:
1.Telling you if you look well,fat or thin,judgement on weight which to me after 44 years of it means it's a form of intimation.
2 .Questioning you on your life,which I have to now avoid due to anxiety ,depression and having basically a crap life,which they seem to delight in rubbing your nose in it.
3.Basic s*** stirring you,in which in my case after a year of severe depression,and severe suicidal thoughts,I don't need.
We have allowed however to be defined,by these experiences with family which can have negative impacts.The only regret is I never got to know my niece's and nephew.My family contributed greatly to my mental health.As mentioned on this site,my psychologist,challenges me on this ,as if it's a irrational thought or its all my doing.I know,I would last 5 seconds with them before a blow up.I would rather spend xmas on my own .I won't put up with it anymore,and I'm trying to find reasons to stay alive.These interactions tell me the opposite,and have embedded negative feelings and trauma.

I am the youngest too in my family.

My anxiety is affecting me atm.

I find it really diffcult to talk about my family perhaps because of my lack of confidence and self worth .

I am just trying my best to be strong and just focus on what I am good at.

Also struggling with an old friend passing away on Friday, we had been friends for 28 years.

I am determie to move past my history and to make a good life for myself.

I believe you can too- just keep moving

@Former-Member@Former-Member

We all seem to have a similar story unfortunately.

I would be the same if I had to spend time with my "family" now, would either run to keep away from them or go full rage which they deserve!

I even get anxious if I drive past my mums place, they make me revert to a child the way they make me feel.

So much better since I have had no contact and sometimes thats the only way to keep moving forward.

To be honest my mother is in her mid 70's if she died tomorrow I dont know how I would act or feel - this bothers me a great deal as I feel I should be upset yet part of me thinks what a relief when the day comes. Especially as to this day she has never ever taken any responsibilities, it was all my fault as far as she is concerned. Last time I spoke to her maybe 6 years ago I slammed the phone down in her ear as I was trying to talk about my feelings and all she did was yell and scream at me how I was blaming her - didnt even try to listen - so for my part I think I have realised she doesnt care about me and thats fine as I prefer her out of my life!

Thanks ocean girl,
Sorry about your friend,you are fortunate to have had that ongoing friendship,which is rare in many cases.Talking about family is hard,maybe because it's the foundation that we build a life on and if it's not strong,causes chaos and or instability.We wonder at times,like when we are at a funeral,why we have to put up with or limit ourselves with feelings of inadequacy when life is passing us by.Its like relations,delighting in s*** stirring you or putting you down.I have had to make the decision,to keep away from them,to keep any self worth I hope I have got left.Change 123 I have too run like hell when I see someone like a sibling,due to the flight response of anxiety.

I live with my elderly mother who is in her 70s who too has always blamed me for things that aren't my fault,she interfered in every relationship,and I blame her a lot for my life eg:very obese child,which caused me to have a body when I lost a heap of weight excess skin, body issues.She will project fault on my shoulders so she doesn't have to face reality.This has caused me great distress as well as not having any respect for me having a life.I love her,but her self absorption gets me down and her treatment of me.The most hurtful thing was when she nearly died this year ,and I'm the one who has made many sacrifices,and I was treated with the utmost disrespect,with young nieces,having the say over her treatment,and I was abused.I left them too it.This I will never forget,and was deeply hurt by it.Its easy to say you are going to overcome and not be determined by these experiences,its harder to do it.

I would rather do xmas alone too @Former-Member. 100,000 times that

I admit it's a lonely depressing time,but I have had serious depression this year,actually surprised I am here,but I am struggling,and feel like I am on a lifeboat with a hole in it wondering whether to sink or swim.Basically,I am struggling with my own inner conflict,I don't need the family kind.I am distressed enough with anxiety.To be honest,I no longer have any respect for anyone,through reflecting and realising there was no respect for me,that will never change,nor do I trust them because I have no job,suffered depression and anxiety,and am too vulnerable.I have always been sensitive,and family and people seem to delight in these weaknesses.I just want to be left alone.