I am embarrassed

@Rick !

Please don't feel embarrassed, shame or feel the need to apologise!

We (I think I speak for all in this forum) don't perceptive you as an attention seeker. We genuinely care. So when we thought you were a bit out of sorts, we wanted to make sure you were okay.

Like I said, nothing to be embarrassed or feel shame, about.

I could have literally just done a cartwheel seeing you back in here (too bad there's no cartwheel emoji I can use) because I'm that excited. Obviously it's great to hear your safe, but also, you have a great presence in these forums that it's just great to have you back.

Nik

hey @Rick

don't be embarressed, you should have seen some of my rants the first couple of days i joined. let's just say, i was myself very embarressed, but everyone here, to some point or other understands the trials and tribulations that encompasses what each of us go through, and have probably been there as well.

i always find what you write intriguing, well written and enjoyable to read, i might not comment to much on what you post, as i don't have expierence in some of the things that you are going through but i always enjoy others stories, and what helps them through certain things, i never know when it might help me.

thank you for being you

Hey @Rick welcome back!! Hey I'm a muso too!!

I played Father and Son for about 100 people at risk of homelessness yesterday, not quite Cat Stevens, but I think I pulled it off appropriately!!

Hobbit.

Hey @Rick

I agree with the others, nothing to feel ashamed about, and I'm so glad for all of us (you're included in "us") that your Doc encouraged you to reach out again. We would miss you terribly if you were to stay away.

After what you (and some others) have been through it is any wonder that you feel intensely vulnerable opeining up anywhere, something which can make any of us react in all sorts of less than "logical" ways in desperation to try and protect ourselves against the possibility of more abuse. Please try to be kind and gentle with yourself about this, as I'm sure you would be with anyone else here in the same circ's.

So whilst the fire in your own hope is rekindled, I feel we might need to have a bit of a bonfire which we each throw a stick on so that there's a lighthouse reminding us all... hope does endure.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Kristin,

Please allow me to be slightly in awe of your character.

I've read many of your posts and through all you've endured and all you currently live with, you take the time to show such grace to all of us. Not just this simple fool of a man but I've seen you pour Grace like wine onto the hurts of others here.

PLease as a personal favour to me- take some of that grace and pour it on yourself as well. For tis ever a healing balm.

And yes

though anger might try to blight it

Hope endures

Rick

Hey @Rick

I guess we'll just have to agree to mutual admiration then, perhaps a sub-branch of the FITH club? All joking aside though I mean it sincerely. You're no fool, nor simple either. Humble yes, in the positive sense.

As for grace what you see is the overflow of what I receive, and you offer it too (usually easier for others to see than for us). I could be cynical and say that I was well trained by my mother to be the family carer, and there is truth in that. But it is not even half of the story any more, because God has taken what was part of my enslavement and transformed it (ever so slowly and painfully) into a passion for my own growth, and for supporting and encouraging others to grow (not as I would want, but as they need).

Thanks for the lovely reminder to partake of the same balm . I try, but sometimes I forget.

I thought you might appreciate this - I wrote my own interpretation of Psalm 23 last year.

Abandoned Lamb

God broods over me
I shall endure

He brings me home safely
to my beloved mountains
He calls me to immerse myself
in the river’s healing waters

He restores my soul
He leads me in the paths
of truth and integrity
for my sake

Though I dwell in the midst
of riot-torn Chicago ghettos
I am sheltered from evil
for He is with me
He fashions a shield
from my lost grandmother’s love
to comfort and protect me

He nurtures me in the face
of abandonment and abuse
He names me His own
His abundance pours into me
and overflows

His love and grace are with me
every day of my life
And I will dwell in Him forever

© June 2013

And so hope endures...

Kind regards,

Kristin

@kristin

Hi Kristin.

I have'nt heard FITH for such a long time. It is a favouite of mine.

Psalm 23 is my lifeline. As we have discussed in the past I have an adverserial relationship with the "OLD MAN". As a warrior in Christ I and most of my christian friends believe that is appropriate for me. But psalm 23 really exposes the underlying truth of it.

You may have read in my posting about this idea I had about making not only the consequences(ie the f*cking illness) but also the 14 years of of of of bad stuff worth while.

It came to me after a bible reading, ( of course) that the only sense that could be made from the adoption through to the torture thru to the disdain from people I turned to for help, was that it created a certain character.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not egotistical in the modern idiom. If fact I really have no or very very little self esteem. I don't like me much.

But what I know, from all those experience is unique. And perhaps at this time it is a neccessary knowledge that can have a positive affect on other peoles ideas of mental illness and it's behaviours.

This is all a very roundabout way of saying I am hoping that my life thus far can be made useful and that is what will make it all worth while.

As Isaid the idea came to me after prayer and meditation on something I read in the good news.

When I became a christain I became one to be a soldier.to fight on the side of good and to kick three kinds of shite out of evil.

And God knows I have experience evil.

I have waited patiently for a battle to fight. I believe my battle is begining. Not a battle for survival because that's old hat, but a battle for the damaged good.

I read this back

it's delusional and egotistical sounding but in my marrow I believe it to be true.

Hope is a form of Grace. Grace is from without. Not from within. It is a gift and therfore is not generally affected by mood or circunmstances.

It is for this reason I believe in all my dogma,

Hope endures.

Rick.

Ps. I know, I know I sound like a deluded frootloop. But well I am not sane so it's not surprising.

Feel very vulnerable tho sharing that stuff here............................... Oh well, What the f*uck?. I can only be though of a crazy and that's not far from the truth anyway, I spose.