Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

ohhhh what a week

i am now on DSP

Our car is not working and can not go anywhere over easter , the car will not be fixed until next wednesday

awww just feeling awww at the moment

mr shaz has fallen asleep now

@maddison , @amber22 , @Sophia1 , @Krishna , @Owlunar , @Jacques

Hi @Shaz51 Happy to read your DSP has finally come through. Pouring rain here with the fire going. Very chilly. A quiet Easter weekend ahead. Another one of those cultural family events that put me on a downer. But grateful for a cosy dry home and food in my belly. Have a lovely weekend 🙏❤️

Dear @Shaz51

Thank you so much for all of your connections, tagging me in so many threads.

I have had to take time away as have been very unwell.

I just fell into a heap with grief overload.

This reply is not about me.

I want to let you know that I feel for everything that continues to challenge you in your life.

I do remember all that you have been through.

I also know that each and everyone of those situations impacts Mr Shaz also as he worries so much about his beautiful Mrs Shaz.

His sleeping is a sign of feeling drained; lack of energy; motivation; response to everything that you have all endured.

His illness requires him to have that sleep.

Rest will help alleviate and improve some of his symptoms.

It is hard for you to witness as you want to be everything for him also.

Lovely Mrs Shaz, you already are everything to him.

You can help him now by continuing to look after you.

Resting when you can.

Help yourself and you help him.

He is helping himself which will help you.

I read you supporting others all of the time.

Please give some of that support to yourself at this time.

As @Krishna mentioned, (I have just written to you.

Timing incredible as I have been absent due to my health.)

these significant breaks are a reminder to all of us who carry grief of our loss.

Shall we all together support each other as we write and read at this time.

Across the virtual miles, we hold hands and offer each other sincere hope, love, acceptance and friendship.

Hope that is not too deep.

Sophia1

Hello @Shaz51

Real time talk!

Wow!

How are you and Mr Shaz today?

no pressure @Shaz51

reply when and if you can...

I do understand...

take care

Sophia1

Hi @Shaz51

I hope you and Mr Shaz can have the best Easter possible - that might be hard with your feeling just "aw" and I know Mr Shaz copes with his anxiety by sleeping at times - this must be a bit lonely for you.

It's really good that you are now getting the DSP - I hope you get the back-pay for all the time you have been waiting - that would be a great lift.

I do understand though - after all the trouble and waiting to get the DSP - finally getting it could have a bit of a backlash attached - so much energy and tension has certainly been part of all of this. It does have to be a natural reaction.

Here's me sending my best wishes though - it seems to be raining all over the place in Australia this extra-long weekend - for those on holidays with kids it will be an extra-long - extra-long weekend. We can be better off at home.

Sending hugs

Owlunar

Hi @Sophia1

The post doesn't need to be all about you - it's obvious things have been tough for you too - a grief overload can be exhausting - very hard to endure - also - it lasts as long as it lasts which is unpredictable. There are no right words that can help - only I can say I understand - like so many I have been there and know how draining it has to be.

It will take its own time for you to recover - take things slow and don't ask too much of yourself - yes - I know - easy for me to say - hard to put into place.

I wish you the best though - and really hope it's not going to last too long - aw - I wish there was something more useful I could say -

Sending gentle hugs

Owlunar

Hello Mrs Shaz

@Shaz51

I do feel for so much that you have had to endure, knowing that you are such a beautiful, giving person.

Life can seem to be so cruel and then there are fleeting moments of joy to quietly remind us that the pain might still be there; but if we pay attention, those few seconds of joy can offer warmth within us.

You are an amazing daughter, wife, step mother, friend, companion, carer and most of all you are you.

You are strong and hurting.

You are brave and frightened.

You are full of love and smiles and the tears hurt so much because the pain is unbearable at times.

You give to so many on the forums and offer so much to so many.

Many years ago I said to you that you will make a wonderful community guide.

You have surpassed that.

Sending you a virtual bundle of thanks for being you

Stay safe and take care

This one is just for Mrs Shaz

Sophia1

Thank you @Owlunar

I read your post over and over.

I found the beauty between your words.

Grief is very unkind.

Even more so when there is loss after loss without time to grasp what is happening in between.

This is accompanied by a confused and foggy mind.

Then without any rhyme or reason clarity arrives.

Then as quickly as it is felt, it can be snatched away from us.

I know your story and we did converse for quite some time many years ago.

There was a beautiful connection.

Life continues.

For me those connections are never lost and the beauty of them stays within me forever.

We all have to live our own lives.

Grief robs us of our memories.

The feelings it cannot ever take away from us.

Within those feelings when we are able to dig deep enough, we find beauty and love.

I am touched and very thankful once again for your kindness and support.

Please accept my support in return as I know that you also are enduring physical pain.

Take care of you also as you share your kindness with others

Sophia1

@Sophia1- that is a wonderful post - my heart overflowed with love reading it - and I teared up - which was really a good feeling - sometimes tears are a sign of healing.

Yes - grief is painful - it is the price for love - but loss after loss is brutal - we often don't have time to recover from one when the next loss slams into us - I know - I lost my favourite aunt and uncle close together last year - they were my friends as well as relatives - and my uncle was the big brother I never had and my mentor - so I do understand. I still feel it though it has found a spot of acceptance in my heart - they were both seriously unwell and elderly - I have lost other relatives during the past years - as natural as it has to be it still really rips us apart - I do hear you.

It takes time - those moments of clarity will increase and last longer. There is something within us wanting the time to pass so we can get on with our lives - anything to stop the pain - which feels unbelievable - and clear our minds - I know.

It all takes time in its own way - there is no other way but through it - I did have it explained to me after my son died - if we have a heart attack or similar life changing event we are in hospital hooked up to monitors and whatever else - no one asks anything of us and all we have to do is breathe - and people can see we are helpless - not that this would be easier - except it is obvious.

Grief is invisible - we are just as helpless - and people do ask things of us - and we often can't give - we are in too much pain - pain no one can see. It's real though.

It is true in time that the connections which are never lost do remain with us forever - as does their beauty. My son's life was tumultuous and his death so sudden. Years - decades - have passed and now I see he gave me a beautiful gift - it is hard to explain - a gift of insight, compassion, enhancement of my life and its value, my gift of writing increased, I see more and understand more. It took such a long time and it still grows. No one can ever take it away from me.

Your post has touched me deeply - I thank you from the depths of my heart - your message - your story - is quite possibly among the strongest reasons I write here.

I pray things will be easier - the time not too long - and the lessons learned with increase.

I wish you peace - even if the moments are brief at first

Owlunar

Yes - I do have physical pain and I thank you for your support.