Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Thanks so much @Georgie_Girl . It’s been ten years for us, and I am having to embrace the decline of marriage and family in the wake of it ..... suffering the indignity of advice from well-meaning others who think, from their outside view, that I am the problem.

It’s such a relief to come across people who, unfortunately, understand from living the same sort of experience.

So sorry to hear about your beloved fur baby @Georgie_Girl

advice from well-meaning others who think, from their outside view, that I am the problem.--- sending you understanding hugs @Faith-and-Hope

as the last Mental health team mr shaz saw said "I was the problem "

this i why mr shaz had cancelled all help

Hello @Former-Member , @Bunniekins , @Former-Member

Hugs back to you @Shaz51 ❤️

I totally get it @Faith-and-Hope

My hubby and his mother both see me as the problem. Their argument being that if the kids and I just kept the house sterile and did everything we were told - it wouldn’t spark his anger. WTF!

There is no way I’m living like that - and they both know that! He needs to work with his moods and reactions to situations, rather than expecting everyone else to change.

One day at a time 🙃

@Georgie_Girl, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member

When I married Mr shaz

I heard my mother-inlaw talking and she said "now shaz can fix my son now "

What !!!!

Mine took over everyone and everything @Georgie_Girl @Shaz51 and started railroading, with mil telling him that she had said I was doing everything wrong from the start ..... so now he had to fix it .... the kids, the house, me ..... and get himself into the family image of perfection. And yes, the house was supposed to be sterile, and the kids and me acting like automons (pick the control issue) ..... until the kids started to fall apart, and the relationships definitely did.

Professional help stepped in, with the wrong end of the stick 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes:😬🥵😡🤬 ..... but it did mean that the kids got meds support, and I think the professional help worked out that they had to wrong end of the stick by the end of it, but the damage was done ..... they couldn’t change course without crashing everything, the kids included. In one sense it’s bwtter in that they called some boundaries on hubby’s behaviour around the kids.

Yeah ..... whole lotta WTF in there ..... and sorry to hear you have a dragon mil too @Georgie_Girl 😔

Big hugs incoming to both of you.

sorry to hear you have a dragon mil too @Georgie_Girl , @Faith-and-Hope

My MIL is sooo negative , she lives 35 kms away

but mr shaz can only take little visit far apart

last time we visited , mr shaz was mess for the whole weekend

@Shaz51 Hey Shaz51 what did they do just come out and say that you were the problem? how rude and insensitive is that!!

Hey all @Bunniekins @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Georgie_Girl.

I wouldn't be surprised if most of us have been in the spot of being supposedly the one at fault at some point.
We were blamed for our son's learning difficulties at one point (but fully exonerated by a neuropsych at a later date) and... when you take a teenage girl into emergency with psych symptoms that look like they're trauma related, they have to send you out of the room while they check that said teenager isn't being abused by a parent. In all honesty, if they didn't check that, they'd be pretty irresponsible, but it still hurts when you're trying so hard to hold their life together.

Hi @Smc @greenpea @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Georgie_Girl + everyone

Yep... agree with everything SMC has said there. especially the 'it hurts' part .

I have often been accused as the source of Darlings problems (Even DV by one `helpful` ED staff member). Often in the medical field concern is confused with control.

Both Darling and I have been told by different mental health 'professionals' that we are the source of each others problems and should leave. The first clown I went to see even suggested he could no longer see me if I did not follow this advice, needless to say I never went back and didn't see anyone again until after a complete burnout.

Thankfully I have not had the in-law issues some of us here have spoken of. in fact I don't know how I could have survived without the support of darlings parents. Kind of why living under the same roof now works so well and the only reason I considered it.

Darling unfortunately has clashed with my family but that is more to do with managing unique personalities than family being negative towards her. My family all lover her dearly. Reading everyones experience here I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my inlaws and miss MIL so much

I have for some time now had concerns around perceptions with our children (S2 in particular) given their environment and how unwell darling has been. Have been assured though by more than one councillor of my own and a councillor that S2 sees that they don't see it as an issue. not ideal environment but sufficient insight and support in place to alleviate such concerns.