Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Hi @Shaz51

Sorry I haven't been around much - I am concerned when I read that my Little Family is battling the odds so much right now and you have an extra uncle you care about on your list of people as well - this is one hellova lot for you to deal with and I agree with @Former-Member that it's a lot for you but I know you can't just walk away from it - I understand

I sometimes wonder though if Mr Shaz starts getting extra problems when you have more on your work-load - his anxiety seems to get worse when you are busy - I get that he is really anxious and wouldn't have been like this when he was well

And I also know you know to care for Poor Little Kidney - ah - well - maybe having so many people to care about stops you from feeling down but yes - I know you care about yourself too

You seem to be caught between your very independent mother and your anxious Mr Shaz you wants you around - it's a lot - we all know that

You are a champion Shaz

Shaz - our Number One

Shaz - this is bigger than I thought it would be but it sure says it all

Dec

Hello @Shaz51

Yes I agree with everything already said...

Mr Shaz does seem to be directly affected by what is happening with you...

you are his rock...the love of his life..

of course he worries about you...increasing his anxiety..

continual reassurance that you give him is of help...as is assertion from you also....

that you are looking after your health by having these tests and seeing specialists...so that the two of you can share a quality of life..

continually hearing those reassurances along with hugs is the best medicine ...

also as you have done so often...continually reminding him that he too must do the same...again...same end result...

he puts in his self care...you put in your self care....

answer...better quality of life for each of you as well as together...

at the moment your mum needs some support...

reminding Mr Shaz of all the support she gave you in growing up...you now have an opportunity to be there for her within limitations of your own health and caring for Mr Shaz..

sounds so easy in words...

setting personal boundaries is very difficult for those of us who automatically put other family members first..

with practice...gentle assertion...self respect ..it does work..it takes time...also can slip at times ...we are human..

I and many others are so happy that you are with us on these forums...I do hope that you remember to get some help for yourself...stepping back sometimes or sticking to one thread is one way of doing this without losing touch ....

a sense of knowing that people are still thinking of you even though you are not writing anything...

medications definitely do change when taken long term and not monitored on a regular basis...also missing doses..taking them at different times can affect body clock ..

keeping a record of how often these changes and what they are...is the best way for a gp or psychiatrist to make a more accurate diagnosis...

our systems get accustomed to what we put in them...medication...chemicals can build up in some people's systems as well...in some cases the effect diminishes as the physical body becomes to rely on a certain chemical and more is required to give the same effect...that is why people change medications...under the guidance of a psychiatrist or good gp..

Mr Shaz does not like this concept ...I know...he also is known to stop taking medications altogether...the body then has to suddenly adapt to something missing...this is the hard part of caring..when the loved one is not responsible with prescribed medications..

You are doing your best Shaz...noone can expect more...

will be back after to read everyone`s messages , thank you @Sophia1, @Owlunar, @Bunniekins, @Former-Member, @outlander, @Faith-and-Hope

@Shaz51 Lovely Shaz51 you are such a beautiful, caring person xxx

agree that letting go is really important. But the question remains :

How Do We Let Go????? very important question @utopia

Hello @Dec, @Bunniekins@,@Former-Member@,@Faith-and-Hope@,@Determined@,@Adge@,@Former-Member , @Sophia1

yes I was mentally /emotionally abused whhen i was young , even though mum and I left but my dad kept on rejecting me until 11 years ago when he passed away

still keeps popping up in my dreams and my mind @outlander

What a coincidence @Shaz51

A co-worker & I were just discussing "Letting Go" today.

He said it's important, but "Much easier said than done".

No one tells us how to let go of bad experiences & hurtful people.

Adge

very true @Adge, and peopls say over time it will get better

noe that you dad has passed away you will not be rejected from him anymore , but this is not true @Bunniekins, @outlander, @Sophia1, @Owlunar, @Former-Member

Hello @Darcy, @outlander, @lapses, @soul, @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty, @Adge, @greenpea, @Dec, @Sophia1, @Determined, @Lunar, @s-jay, @Lauz, @Scout, @lisajane, @Former-Member

my uncle has staf infection in his pacemaker , so he will have to have surgery

Sorry to read that @Shaz51... it's sometimes hard to take care of others and yourself, but that's all the more reason to make sure you have moments to care for youself.