Hi @Determined @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Mazarita @Maryjune
This is one of the hardest areas for me. My hubby's eating disorder has taken out all of the gentle touch and intimate gestures .... but it probably stemmed from me and he has carried it on from there ....
I found I had to pull away when he bacame so thin, but muscle bound, and therefore a combination of boney and too hard / solid to find a niche to rest my head against in his shoulder or anywhere, that it horrifies me to try to hold him physically. The emotionally abusive and controlling behaviours that have altered his personality appalled me, and I couldn't pretend that it was okay ..... now in our softer moments we may briefly touch, but even his hands don't feel the way they ought to and it's too emotionally taxing to want to touch him, yet to feel unable to cope with the feelings that this elicits.
He, in turn, has taken my assertions that the way he is living is not healthy as a personal rejection, but again, I can't pretend otherwise, and his unhealthy regimen is so all encompassing that it takes up most of your view if you don't avert your eyes to other things in life.
We are really just treading water .... continuing to co-parent and share a home and lifestyle, but the sense of personal relationship is only held in place by our history, and our family relationships, not by our current interactions. It feels like he has bee supplanted by a twin with a completely different personality, and altered value system.
i really didn't understand from the outset of this form of eating disorder that this could happen, that this was the nature of the new beast we were dealing with ... under the BED e.d. that preceded this version, he was just so warm and lovable. I feel cheated out of my husband .....
