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Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor10 Dec 2016, 11:56 am AEDT

Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Hello @PeppiPatty, over here my special friend xx

Hello Everyone

Love to hear from others on the forum if you experience this

My hubby has been diagnosed with lots of things and has had MI all his life

do you find things goes ok and i start to feel confident and wanting to go forward and then everytime something always happens to upset it -- sometimes I think is it a controlling thing ?? that he wants to be in control ??

Don`t know if I am making this up , but i have that feeling ,

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In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 9:51 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

@Shaz51

.... and you're making / buying his favourite cake ❣

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 9:57 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Yep sure am @Faith-and-Hope and we got a surprise tonight before hubby went to bed , my other wonderful sister inlaw who live 12 hours away is coming up and we have been to her place lots , we are going to go to our favourite coffee shop together without the controlling one --

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:02 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

That's my MIL by the way .... she bought my hubby an expensive cologne the other day ... "just because ...." not as a birthday gift or anything ....

With the mi head-space he's in at the moment he has let her back into our lives in the "sister-wife" sort of role she feels entitled to .... that we had both held her out if from early in our marriage .....

I can't do anything much about it till he's diagnosed and treated .... but having her so much involved is providing a bit more buffer in terms of dealing with the mi issues too .... it's all a bit dysfunctional, but it's the best we can do for now ....

I'm rolling my eyes a lot these days ... feel like a huffy teen .... lol ...❣

@Shaz51

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:09 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Ohh @Faith-and-Hope

I see you wrote I can't do anything much about it till he's diagnosed and treated , ---well the doctors don``t know what my hubby really has , he has been diagnosed with lot of things but he is on medication for something else which I am surprise he is on that kind of meds xx

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:20 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

And my hubby's disorder appears to be more than "just an e.d. ....

It can be so confusing @Shaz51 .... you do so well with it ..... you're inspirational to me and many others here.

❤️🤗

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:28 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

It can be so confusing @Faith-and-Hope

awww @Faith-and-Hope you're inspirational to me too my friend , I took my hubby on his first ever plane trip to tasmania nearly 10 years ago , and went to sydney 6 years ago for his son`s wedding apart from that and travelling down to his siser`s 12 hours away he wants to stay home more and more

you are a awesome friend @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:31 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Ohhh ... ❣. Thank you @Shaz51 ....

I think you're an awesome friend too !! You have had so much to battle in life, but you are positive and so full of courage ....

❤️💕

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 10:31 pm AEDT

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Hi @Shaz51
Have been giving thought to your question 'where to start' when it comes to self care especially when time and money are often in short supply. These are some things that I am trying to put into practice.

1 Physical self care
- Trying to eat healthier - am trying to incorporate more fruit and veg into our diet
- Trying a new recipe once a month
-Taking a bit more care with my appearance - have found a style that suits me and have made fabulous purchases at op shops that fit with this. I slap on the lippy each time we go out, even if it just to the supermarket. I remember meeting a well groomed lady and she told me that being on the pension (as she was), was in excuse for being untidy.
- Take care of my own medical needs - have finally booked a specialist appt but so overdue for secret women's business (aka pap smear)
2. Intellectual
- Reading a book (mainly rereading some faves)
- Researching a topic I am interested in on the internet
3.Spiritual
- Connecting with nature through home gardening (something that got neglected with Mr Darcy's crisis)
- Connecting with God through being grateful
4.Emotional
- Having people to talk to so that struggles are not bottled up. (Sane forum a great place)
- Getting support from Wellways. Their carer support person visits me at home.
- Recognising and acknowledgeding the grief of things that have been lost through Mr Darcy's mental illness and to begin to make peace with the new reality.
- Not stress over things that have not been done.
- Building s loving relationship with myself.
5. Social
- Having my carer support person visit.
- Connecting with understanding people
- Took a while but I made it a priority to have a monthly coffee with a friend who understands.
- Regular chats with interstate family members
- Taking a break from some forms of social media

I find in all of this that maintaining my sense of humour is vital and I regularly send funnies to family and friends and enjoy receiving them too. Finding a resource that gave me hope that it is possible to live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis was also instrumental in turning overwhelming grief into a more positive mindset.

These are the things that have worked for me and I understand that each of us is different but you might find something in there that you might be able to draw from.

Take care,
Darcy

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 10:36 pm AEDT