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Partner with BPD

Chook_Senior Contributor

Partner with BPD

Hi everyone,

my partner suffers with BPD, while he has done so much work on himself in the past 1-2 yrs he seems to have fallen off the track lately. It just seems like he can’t get a break and it’s as if I can’t say/do anything right. I know he loves me and I know he knows how much I love him but he seems to go down these rabbit holes/ tunnels and can only remember the bad/negatives, is there any advice on the best ways to handle this?

I am also struggling as his talks of suicide are happening more frequently, it doesn’t seem that the mental health team through the hospital are much help besides telling me to call 000, I don’t know how to respond when he is telling me how much he wants to die. Please any advice on the best communication strategies or things I can do to help him when he is in such a dark place?

I just wish he could see himself through my eyes and know how valuable he is to our little family.

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In response to: Partner with BPD

tymeModerator

Re: Partner with BPD

Please feel free to tag me into your posts @Chook_ . Like this @tyme . I'd love to hear how things are going for you and I'm sure others reading will benefit too!

In response to: Partner with BPD

Bee36Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

Well good luck, I hope you are able to come across some health professionals that are actually helpful for you both, he is a very lucky man by the sounds of it to have you in his corner @Chook_

In response to: Partner with BPD

Bee36Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

Does sound very good thanks for sharing I should probably sign myself up for this or something similar @Chook_

In response to: Partner with BPD

Bee36Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

Thank you @tyme soldiering on....

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

Chook_Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

@tyme

A little update on my end.. it’s been a busy busy couple of weeks as I returned back to work, there was a lot of concern going back to work and leaving my partner but he has been okay.. (until today)

seems today he has not had a great day and turned back to medicinal cannabis to cope, I get torn between talking to him about it but then I know he just feels ashamed and guilty so it’s better to just not say anything/hope that it’s just a little slip up and not starting back up abusing it - because it DEFINITELY does not help with the depression and suicidal thoughts.

one thing I am really struggling with is literally how alone I feel in supporting my partner - everything I read or am told is how important our tribe is, yet he isn’t surrounded by anyone that wants to learn or try to understand and support him, family members just constantly triggering and not even thinking before they speak or just people completely unable to even be there to listen to him. I really dont understand… if someone means so much to you how can you not even be there for them when they are down?

On a more positive side I have just completed reading another very helpful book- stop walking on eggshells by Paul T Mason and Randi Kreger…. It has been amazing I definitely recommend to anyone helping a partner/friend/family member with bpd. I’m thinking of starting a book review / club thread to discuss some of the chapters in the book.

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

Bee36Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

Hey @Chook_ sucks that you are seemingly in the same place you were , have u tried or are u near near any mental health hubs that can assess and make some recommendations for him....I haven't been myself but my husbands psychiatrist suggested we could go to one of those....it is quite frustrating when people don't begin to even try to understand a person's disorder/condition etc...its quite ignorant, and I guess maybe for some people it's in the too hard basket....haven't read those books yet but I am very keen too...keep doing what ur doing but don't wear urself out!

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

Chook_Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

@Bee36 my family/carer counsellor session was very helpful but for anything related to him has not been. He has tried group DBT and it wasn’t a good fit, a MH retreat which was terrible as they also acted like they understood but didn’t and didn’t have the appropriate support there so left worse than started.
I feel like it’s a bit of a rollercoaster, smooth times then a bit of a wild ride. Thankyou for the concern and support. I definitely recommend those books- they are also on audible if you prefer listening to books.

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

tymeModerator

Re: Partner with BPD

I found ACT very helpful for BPD @Chook_ . If you read The Happiness Trap, it just makes so much sense for the person.

Walking on Eggshells is helpful so that people feel less alone in their struggles. I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it helpful.

One of my dreams was always to write a book to help through caring for people with BPD, or people going through BPD... I just never got around to it 🙂

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

Chook_Senior Contributor

Re: Partner with BPD

@tyme I will definitely add that to my list of books to read. Thanks

In response to: Re: Partner with BPD

tymeModerator

Re: Partner with BPD

Hey @Bee36 @Bloss @Chook_ @Sweetpotato ,

How are you all going? I'm just re-reading this thread and am thinking about you at the same time. Hope you are all okay.

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