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Something’s not right

I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

  • sat in the garage couldn’t stop looking on the internet, looking through paperwork, looking through emails and a really small handful of pics, just trying to find anything I could to feel connected to my mum

  • wife came in asked me to come to bed we hung out and both went to sleep, then I woke up got my phone out again in the middle of the night

  • didn’t get much sleep at all
  • looking for any information I can to feel close to my mum, is there things I don’t know that I could find out
  • is there information out there thst can help me
  • Is there confirmation out there that she did/didn’t love me
  • If dad had no influence would she have been able to look after us would she have been well if it wasnt for him
  • Trying to look for more pics of her before it all goes from my memory
  • Was it her choice to have us taken away? Probably not no, was it better that way for her that we weren’t there? Probably
  • what kind of grandparent to my kids would she be?

  • was she ever happy when we were around?


  • reading the documents trying to find information about her, I know she liked purple things but what else did she like? before she had kids what things did she like to do, none of it’s on there it’s just reports and stuff about us
  • she never wanted us to go I thought she did I always though she wanted to give us up because she hated us but that’s not what happened
  • she really tried she asked the school to help us with food the school gave us food every day because mum asked for it not because they knew we were hungry mum actually tried she fought for us
  • she fought to have us back
  • she put up with my dad cause she thought that was what she had to do

51 replies

31 - 40 of 51

In response to: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

I thought you knew that

In response to: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

I’m gonna go do Christmas stuff with my family anyway

In response to: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

I just want to focus on my family but all I can think about is mum

In response to: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

What would she be doing if she was around for Christmas this year

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

@ArraDreaming Love that you have purple in the garden because she loved the colour. I have lots of of actual plant cuttings from people I love who are now passed. It is hugely grounding for me. Also I have photos and pictures on the wall. A long time ago someone said it was good to have something external so that we dont always have to carry the yearning and questioning inside ourselves. It kind of gives us permission to think about other things in life and young family def need our attention. Yet I have done the same searching for answers. I actually did find some interesting things online that happened right at the time we (3 sibs and I) went into "the care system" in 1966. It felt weird but confirming.

Parenting is such a mixed bag but we need basic stuff to be able to provide food and housing security. I know what its like not to have that too. And to know my parents did their best. My lawyers wanted me to sue the state for returning us to our parents and I would not do that, even though it was not great going home. It was still better to know who were my biological family and they looked like and thought and did. As different from people being nice or charity... or just state involvement ... or people being yuk.

Merry Christmas Jay

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Thank you @Appleblossom
sounds like we have both experienced similar things.
I will always miss my mum especially around these times, as much as spending time with my family brings me joy she will always be in my mind
Merry Christmas

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Today I bought a purple bauble for our tree and one of my kids found a spot to hang it up for me

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Awwwww. That's sooo special! @ArraDreaming

It would be great to have the kids in their outfits in front of the tree and purple bauble in a photo... or attempt of a photo lol

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

@tyme yeah we are going to try that they are just having a run around outside so we can wear them out for Santa lol it’s been a big day of family pre Christmas celebrations and we went Christmas  light looking last night except it was way too late and all 3 fell asleep in the car 😂😂

In response to: Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Re: I pulled an almost all nighter looking for things about my mum

Nice @ArraDreaming Love the bauble.

At least you could look at the chrissie lights lol.... peace and quiet when they are all asleep

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