where to start, how to begin
What has happened today, that has made me feel this way, i was feeling good, earlier today, i saw my psychiatrist, which went really well, but i think a few things have come and sunk in, taking me unaware, surprising me with the thoughts and feelings.............. why am i getting freaked out? why am i getting so confused?
So i will start from the beginning and work my way through.....
some things that i have learned today, Yes i do have bi-polar, but no numbers attached, i think it is still not known exactly. I also have psychotic symptoms, either associated with bipolar, my history of drug use, or perhaps it is attached to something else? Questions still not properly answered. I will be on medication for the rest of my life - something i was already prepared for, I think this next part is what knocked me a little, for the rest of my life i will need to be monitored by a psychiatrist........ i will have to see one regualrly for the next 6 - 12 months and then eventually will be once every three months, i think that is something i am struggling with tonight, i hadn't counted on that being part of my life.
I was also given four questionaires to fill out, i think it is to see if i have a mood disorder, i did the depression one, a borderline personality one, one that was referred to as a BPQ and i think the last one was titled Maclaren or Maclean.
Talking with the psychiatrist was really good, but i think the news has shaken me a little, perhaps this little black duck is a lot sicker then i thought, i mean it doesn't sound too normal, answering his questions with the responses i did, he wants to limit how much access to medication i have, example only picking up enough for a week or two....... i think that i have been getting worse, and maybe he has picked up on the unusual thought processers or idealogy.
The psychiatrist himself can't be my Dr as he wouldn't be able to offer me the care needed, BUT he does have in mind two possibilities of colleagues he is going to recommend, that he thinks will be really good for me....... i am happy about that.
we covered alot today, but i think as well as the news i am a little shaken by his seeming to have a lot of concern for me, when i don't think i am very concerning.... i am sitting here now crying, for no reason and i feel i have a massive weight on my chest.
I did something unusual this afternoon, my Dad is away this weekend and my mum, wanted to go shopping, weekly food shopping, so i said i would take her after my appointment, that is not the unusual thing, on our drive to the shopping centre, i actually opened up to her a fair bit, about what was covered, and i forgot to omit the part about, "s" i shocked her a little, i shouldn't have mentioned it too her, and i know she has told my dad, and i know we will be having a chat about that when he gets back..
It is weird i am quite open here inthe forum, but i am a very private person in reality, well i think i am, in regards to my parents and what i tell them, i know they stress more and worry more when i tell them too much.
Ok i am feeling a little better probably take me a good night sleep to digest everything.
Thank you
