Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

A Poem? Maybe?

katoSenior Contributor10 Dec 2014, 7:17 pm AEDT

A Poem? Maybe?

Hurt, Lost, Broken

My life is in tatters, my dreams have crumbled around me

I had the life, i had it all

How did i fail

How did i fall

Cruising through life, using everything i could

To keep myself moving

To keep myself high

The ups are fantastic, the best place to be

Altho i could never see the disease

The illness taking over me

No treatment

No plan

No help

Just searching for the high that evaded me

Using this drug and that

To maintain that happy place

When in reality

I was just wasting space

Broken and tired

My life in ruins

How stupid of me to believe

That i was as fantastic as i could be

Tortured now, by the memories

The lows, so low some will never know

How quickly life changes

When everything crumbles and falls in a heap

Now i am lonely

Now i am unloved

Now i have no peace

No place

No love from the one i hurt so much

I still miss her dearly

And altho i know we will never be

I can always hope it untrue

A dream to awaken from

Faith only blames me

Treatment only dulls me

Pain is all i feel

Hate of myself is all i can think

Why did i not notice

How could i not see

Why did this happen

Unanswered questions just for me

The hardest part of it all

Is knowing i will never get to say goodbye

To those who were closest to me

All hope is lost

No freedom for me

Forever trapped in this hellhole

I hope not for an eternity

Thank you

Sorry i just needed to write

376 replies

91 - 100 of 376

1...9 10 11...38

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor20 Jan 2015, 6:54 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Dear Kato,

this feels like good news. you know how to get your feeling of the appiontment across.....
I think, it's because you seem up the um."......texture of the appointment with describing the hospital and how you were feeling.
good experience.....please keep us updated,
JA47yr....

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

kristinSenior Contributor20 Jan 2015, 9:29 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Dear @kato

Absolutely fantastic news! So glad that you found a good one after the stress you went through of finding anyone, then doing some "psych shopping around" - with the first one being a real sod (to put it very nicely!). I am so pleased and relieved for you.

It has been a full-on few months since you first lobbed on the forum looking for help. Look how far you have come. You've not only survived those months with some very dismisssive unhelpful-help from the "old" psych, but had some huge things going on aside from managing rollercoaster mental health. And in the midst of this you haven't just held on, you've grown heaps too.

Hope for a healing journey, even on a rollercoaster, endures!

Kindest regards,

Kristin

PS I'm all with Anne, please keep us all posted

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

BabooSenior Contributor20 Jan 2015, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Kato- good on you for posting your appointment experience.

If you wanted to- can you record your sessions so you can play it back to help you remember discussions?

Baboo

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

katoSenior Contributor20 Jan 2015, 11:20 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Hey @Baboo
I have never considered asking to record a session if I can it would be very helpful as I am sure I have missed bits I will try to remember and ask at my next one it is a good idea
thanks @kristin I like having somewhere where I can look back and see my different moods etc and see where I have come.... on here it's a little bit more brighter then what I write in my personal journal bit I like having a thought out process and a jumbled journal to look at lol
@PeppiPatty it was a good session and if I can be descriptive about my expierence maybe it will help someone else have an insight into what it might be like and give hope so they might feel more confident organising and going to a session it is nerve racking but positive and there is no harm in not being happy with one if you don't click find someone who you do click with it has helped me
thank you to everyone on the forums

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor21 Jan 2015, 11:10 am AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Hi Kato,
I did not know..... that you think like you do, that you already have an idea that your experiences may help others.
Your interesting because always thought.......
Having a diagnosis can ...unfortunately...... turn your world more and more little, making it only about yourself. everything else is just too overwhelming.

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

katoSenior Contributor21 Jan 2015, 5:19 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Hi ja47,
I have always found others stories etc what they have been through interesting, helped given me an idea of what to expect..... I know I come across as very much all about me, and what I am going through but I do try and explain for others as well.... I dunno earlier it definately was all about me..... but I realised if I can try to explain thought and feeling of expierence it might just give someone the view to try and be relieved that there thoughts or feelings are normal
I still am very much me and my diagnosis tho but I am trying to keep that more for my own journal and share the helpful stuff maybe.....

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

peaceSenior Contributor22 Jan 2015, 2:41 am AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@kato I was glad to read your good news. Ironically my appointment with my psych on Monday didn't go well at all. He did apologize for leaving me in such a bad place for these past 5 plus years. He talked too much and in the end I felt frazzled. By the next day my head was/is full of stuff. I am having a hard time processing it all. I kinda have lost my trust/faith in him. I can see things differently now. I've still been able to work (part-time) but its been a struggle. I also felt left without him realizing that I still need support. Sorry to cut into your "blog" lol ♡

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

katoSenior Contributor22 Jan 2015, 10:48 am AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@peace
I'm sorry your appointment was such a let down for you (big virtual hugs) never apologize for posting in this post it is for everyone
perhaps maybe seeing if you can find someone else that might be able to help more or even I know it probably won't be easy to see your psych again amd explain everything that has happened with the last appointment maybe
I do hope you feel better.
Can I ask what has frazzled you?
and I do understand if you don't wish to discuss it more

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

PeppiPattySenior Contributor22 Jan 2015, 3:50 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@peace,

It's good for you to express your appointment because Kato is writing his experiences for your dialogue..........that's what I get at least.....

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

RickSenior Contributor22 Jan 2015, 6:37 pm AEDT

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

@kato

Howdy dude,

Well sounds like christmas.

I'm very pleased for you that you have sourced a goodun, and that he will source someone equally good for you.

In my experience Psyches don't waste words too often. That is not including the transferrance ridden fruitloop quacks out there.

It appears that he's going to assess you from scratch, I think this is wise. You appear to present complex symptoms and need a clinician who can recognise that and together you can formualte a viable treatment plan.

I remember when I first was referred to my quack, George. Well ol George was sourced for me by a doc who just didn't have the hours to start with me. His first assessment though? It opened my eyes.

So I met George and he assessed me, told me his opinion and offered to treat me long term.

At the time I was in pathological denial, and he worked with on it, for 4 years. He unnderstood it was part of the MI. Complex MI.

So, Believe me I tell you I am glad for you. From your words it would appear he suspects a complex condition. If he can recognise that then he's the right guy. No simple easy answers just good ol fashioned truth.

I have to say you come across as hopeful and positive. Frickin great!

Always enjoy reading your posts Kato,

Continue to take care of you

Hope endures and all that

Rick

91 - 100 of 376

1...9 10 11...38