Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

JlolSenior Contributor06 Dec 2023, 4:03 pm AEDT

Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

I've had depression/C-PTSD since I was a school-age kid. It started when I first went to school and has never gone away, and in fact, has gotten steadily worse as I get older.

I'm 37 now. All my adult life I've been very proactive fighting my mental health problems. But just nothing has worked. I don't get it - I try so, so hard but it just gets worse.

I must have seen over 30 counsellors and psychologists, including those specialising in CBT, ACT, EMDR and Trauma.

I've seen about 6 psychiatrists.

I've been in hospital 6 times.

I've been prescribed something close to 15 different medications - anti-depressants, anti-anxierty, ADD medication. Hell, even had one doctor prescribe me weight loss drugs just because they had a depression relieving side-effect.

I've seen maybe 5 nutritionists and dietitians. I've tried vegan diets, gluten-free diets, elimination diets, and a whole bunch of supplements, vitamins, protein shakes, and minerals.

I've reduced alcohol consumption, coffee, sugar, fats, carbs. I've never smoked or used illicit drugs.

I've seen personal trainers, joined gyms, joined sports clubs, lost weight, gained weight, gotten fit, gotten strong, gotten weak and back again.

I've joined Buddhist meditation centers, relaxation centers, and downloaded at least half a dozen mindfulness apps.

I've journaled, kept gratefulness diaries, wrote and destroyed letters, blogged, and chanted positive mantras until the words lost all meaning.

Yet all this I have nothing to show for it. Nothing has improved my mood for a significant period of time.

Why does my own mind hate me so much?

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

tymeModerator06 Dec 2023, 6:36 pm AEDT

Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

Hey @Jlol ,

I'm sorry to hear that things have not worked out for you. I sounds like you are in a very difficult space.

I wish I could promise you that things will get better, yet I can only share my story where things eventually did get better. It took about 2 decades, but I it happened. I feel like I'm making up for lost time and making the most of things now.

The battle of the mind can be great battle.

Through therapy and reading, I came out on top. I hope you find what works for you.

In response to: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

Miss-wishSenior Contributor06 Dec 2023, 10:27 pm AEDT

Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

Hi @Jlol,

I wish I could do more then send virtual hugs.

You mentioned seeing people about trauma, did you contact the Blue Knot? I was just wondering as they specialise in complex childhood trauma. I have been going to contact them, but I haven't had the nerve yet.

I have turned all my trauma and past crap into humor. If I am feeling bad about something I find a way to make a joke out of it. The kids have wiped poop on the wall, they are just showing me their creative side 🙂 If something happens, that's just my luck.

Find your way to express yourself, if you need to scream that's ok to. just grab a pillow and yell or turn the music up and scream your heart out to the music. The calm solutions aren't for everyone 🙂

In response to: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

NatureLoverSenior Contributor07 Dec 2023, 6:01 am AEDT

Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

Hi @Jlol , wow, you have tried lots of stuff. I'm sorry you feel it's all been a waste.

I agree with @tyme - @tyme said it took about 2 decades to start to improve. I tried a lot of therapists plus a couple of meds for 18 years, till I found two therapists in a row that worked for me (one retired), plus a med that worked well too. This was 15 years ago.

They validated my trauma and I got some healing from them, enough to stop the SI and SH. The damage is too deep to ever be fully healed, but I was able to move on with my life without the constant anger and/or severe depression.

It was worth waiting the 18 years, for me. I'm glad I'm alive now. (I had 3 suicide attempts when younger.)

I guess I'm trying to give you some hope that things can change.

In response to: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

MissMuffetSenior Contributor08 Dec 2023, 4:56 pm AEDT

Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

@Jlol

I'm not saying I'm the best I've ever been, but I think I'm the best I've been in about 5 years. Have you tried TMS? I started it about 4 or so months ago and it's been an (mostly) upward trajectory.

I'm also desperately hoping that two newer treatments are going to be added to Medicare soon (I'm not sure if I can list them on here) but they've worked wonder for veterans PTSD and depression.

But yep, I can commiserate, it sure does get tiring when you've been living with the beast for so long and nothing slays it. Just knocks it over temporarily at best...

In response to: Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

JlolSenior Contributor14 Dec 2023, 12:22 pm AEDT

Re: Why does everything I do help my situation not work?

Hi @MissMuffet

I haven't tried TMS. I was close to doing it - got it lined up, met with the specialist, etc. But the place that offered it was a 45mins away and I had no way of getting there, then to work in time.

It would be great if work places would give you time to get repetitive treatment of this sort, but they don't.

1 - 5 of 5