Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer understandable fear, if you've been exploited/taken advantage of even once in the past. I imagine that kinda revelation would've hit pretty hard. Been a while since I've had an epiphany like that in therapy, but boy do they rattle the system hey. But that kind of insight is super valuable, cos now you can look at ways to work through how it has been impacting you, and work on overcoming it.

Oh boy, just what you need eh? Big ol' test pressure 😅 You got this though! What's that saying, P's get degrees? 😋

And don't forget to take some time to rest, process, and nourish yourself amongst the studying too!

Mm fair enough @creative_writer, hypervigilance is tricky! Awareness really helps, as does experiential learning; i.e. I think overcoming this inherent belief that people aren't genuine might require building a new relationship (be it a friendship, romance, or something else), in which you have repeated exposure to someone not taking advantage of you. I've found in my own relationships that overcoming my attachment trauma neccessitated me being quite open and vocal about my past and my patterns.

So like, informing a new person of the times in the past where I become highly dysregulated in response to perceived rejection, and that whilst I do try to manage on my own, sometimes I may seek reassurance or ask odd questions to help me put anxious thoughts to rest. For you, that might look like letting the person know that you are actively working on things, but that sometimes you may seem like you're suspicious of them or don't trust them. You can then work together on finding the best ways to communicate/create boundaries/what support you might need in those moments. If the person is a good lil egg, they would hopefully be very open to this process and provide consistency and reassurance as needed, to help demonstrate their loyalty and 'prove' to your system that not all people are out there to take advantage. If not, then maybe they're not the right person!

Striving for perfection is all well and good - as long as it's tempered with ensuring you're not neglecting other needs, and that you don't degrade or punish yourself if you don't quite reach the mark. Near enough is good enough, and you're also balancing everything alongside your recovery, which means some time/energy has to be directed elsewhere. I think that's why I say, do your best, but understand that your best is gonna look different every day 😉

@creative_writer mm it is really tough, trying to push past the instinctual urge to flee or to shut down, even when logically, you have no reason to. This is what I mean about it needing to be something you experience, repeatedly, over a period of time - that's what exposure therapy is all about.

Aye, can totally backfire, but every time it does is a lesson we can learn for next time!

Anyway, I will bid you adieu my dear - I'm nearly done for the night and I'm off to work at the festival for the next wee while - I'll be back on the 19th I think. I hope your test goes well tomorrow!! And may you find balance, peace, and joy in your journey over the next couple weeks. Sending some biiiiig huggles to ya!!

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Hey @creative_writer I hear you about perfectionism backfiring... setting up for failure if you make impossible standards for yourself. I am terrified of being judged by people so tried to be perfect to avoid that and predictably it didn't go very well. Usual thing I did a lot of challenging that and am better about it now (still do it sometimes tho : / )

Shifting thoughts, definitely hard work. Learning how to do it is a skill and really can pay off in unexpected ways, I've really noticed that in some ways I am set up to better deal with some things than people who haven't been forced to learn it.

I'm sorry you feel so unsafe, I'm sure you will find your way to recover though even if it takes a while. Hoping for the best like usual.

Hey @creative_writer ,

I also grew up thinking that feeling low or down was a 'bad' feeling, so every time I felt this way, I would hate myself and think I was faulty.

ACT teaches us otherwise. Have you looked into ACT much?