Topic Tuesday// End Of Year, YOUR Way // Tuesday 19th December 2023 5:30-7PM AEDT

The wreath and Santa statue sound so fun!

Mince pies are my favourite 🙂 @Former-Member Best with custard...

@amber22 Totally agree. I am so very grateful for what I have. I am a very fortunate person. There is a lot of love in my family.

It is great you are creating a different routine. Maybe the children could be asked to contribute new ideas to that and also the elements of involved (perhaps they have already). For example, I know a child who found a Tiktok recipe to make a new Christmas treat and wants to make this over Christmas and have on Christmas day.

My other thought is that acceptance and commitment therapy approach could be helpful here. Maybe before Christmas some members of the family gather with one other or more and say what they are missing or feeling and they and the other person acknowledge it - this might help process and clear the way for the new tradition @Healandlove

@amber22 thank you. Yes gratitude and just trying to make the end of year as lovely for my kids as possible I'd what I aim for. My husband gets specially down and wanting more support at thus time of year but he forgets I also suffer the estrangement and so I have to keep my boundaries up so that I redirect the mood to what we do have. I do feel I need to have more breaks more often during this time.

I just bought myself an embroidery kit to help me focus on something else during this time.

An embroidery kit sounds lovely! And a great way to keep yourself focussed and add a bit of self care in during this different time. @Healandlove

You're doing really well, and it can be really hard caring for someone else while also having to care for your own mental health. Every year looks different, so try take it one step at a time 🙂

The end of year period might be a time with high expectations, tension, stress, anxiety and other challenging emotions.

For @BigSkyCat : Do you have any tips for coping with the expectations of the end of year period?

For our community: What things might help you cope with the expectations of the end of year period? How have you coped/ got through in the past?

@Healandlove @Snowie @Glisten @Former-Member @Stara

@TideisTurning thank you.

I try to make new little traditions with the kids. The commitment therapy sounds good but unfortunately this would be a trigger for my husband so I would have to do it on my own. There is no contact with my sister's family except for the kids seeing each other via my parents. My sister and her family have banished my husband and it is as if he is dead. What is a good source I can go to to learn more about the commitment therapy? I will be doing EMDR next year to help me with my feelings of shame, guilt, grief and loss. Hopefully it helps at least a bit.

Do you have any tips for coping with the expectations of the end of year period?

I have found that high expectations= high pressure = anxiety = depression for me. So I now aim to set and control my own expectations. I also set boundaries with other people’s expectations in regard to me. It does relieve pressure on me which is bound to help me maintain groundedness and even open the way to enjoying the time.

I know from my work as a counsellor that many people’s mental suffering is heightened at Christmas time. I assume this is because there is a feeling of not measuring up to what everybody else appears to be doing. I have felt that and I, like you, don’t deserve to feel like that. It’s a natural instinct I expect to want to fit in with the flock but we can only control what’s in our control. Let’s find our way of doing what helps us feel grounded in this end of year season – it will be different for each of us and we are talking about small things/activities.

I have reflected that like mental health for everyone (not just for those of us who have struggled a lot with it) is in a wave form – up and down. This means that occasionally there might be a Christmas that doesn’t feel as hard, or alternatively feels harder, because of an internal or external factor(s). Remind yourself to allow for the possibility of change and to notice when there is a bit of positive change, even after the pattern of years makes it look unlikely. If it is a harder end of year than before, notice why that is and be compassionate towards yourself as you would a friend.