I really know what it's like to have depression

Hi @Happyness

Moving into the online realm can seem pretty odd. On one hand, it can offer connection, on the other hand, it can also led to disconnection as some people move online and others stay offline. It's not for everyone.

You metioned that you don't feeling compromising your values and principles, can you expand on what you mean by this?

Most of my life i've been surrounded by bad characters, bad types

Family, Friends, Places of Worship friends ect

And i had a 'family type relationship' but lost it

I'm doing well breaking the generational cycle of abusive males

I've got a good reason to turn different than all the people i've been around most of my life

They were the wrong type and i've learnt my lesson and have a good reason to change

I hope it makes sense

These days is a 'sinful generation'

And i don't know what to do

Hi @Happyness

You are good enough - and yes - stick to your values - that is always important

And as for a sinful generation - I have read a lot of history and there are always bad people - I am not all that sure what sin is - but the closest I could come was this

When my children were young I didn't mind what they were doing as long as they weren't wrecking anything valuable or hurting each other - and I think maybe God feels that way about us - wrecking the environment and hurting other people is the closest I can come to defining sin and I have thought about it a lot

So yes - there are bad people out there on the internet and we have to beware

It is something different to get used to - I was using a computer for a long time before I got onto the internet - I was having a really bad spell and a friend suggested the internet - that would have been in 2004 - and so I got a free month on dial-up - and having had it connected I thought "Now I have got it - what do I do with it?"

Yeah - a puzzle

Anyway - I found a group that played Trivial Pursuit and from that group found other groups and then to websites and mostly I have been in support groups but I also surf the net a lot - always plenty of things to find out - we do what we find interesting - so to answer your question

We have to be careful - people get bullied on line - catfished on line - some groups/websites I have spent a short time in have people attacking one another and the managers don't take responsiblity about that - and it's possible to get out of such a situation and here - the site is well moderated so I can say there isn't anything to worry about here - anyone who gets agro is told to stop or leave

And if you are having a problem elsewhere we can help ylou to block those contacts too - it's not hard but if you are new to all of this of course it's harder

But although you like the old way better - this is the new way and you do have time to get to know about - but you are good enough - if it's your skills then they will improve in time - but in this site everyone is accepted

Decadian

@Decadian

I grew up in a household where there was no love and just fighting and yelling. Children were not allowed to speak unless they were asked, my father was an alcholic and my mother and sister were enablers and possible BPD (now that I'm diganosed and can see the traits). My father had abused us all verbally, pyschologically, emotional and physcially but when ever as a child I ran to my mother the answer would be "but he is your father" in other words he can do what he wants to you and you have to take it. I was also told that i need to put everyone else before myself. My mother was very narcaccistic and only thought of herself, my haircuts and clothes for school came after she had bought hers for going out, especially after my parents divorced. I was a very lonely, shy child and spent most of my time either playing with our animals or talking to my imaginery friend by myself. I knew from a young age that I was different and didnt seem to fit in anywhere but didnt know why and I also thought my family life was normal. I had a lot of medical issues when I was young including epilepsy which I was fortunate enough to grow out of but in the meantime my family would talk in front of me as if I wasnt there stating there was no hope for me, I would never hold down a job, I could never drive etc etc. I was bullied at school and made fun of because of it and also I was chubby - so I have never felt good about myself.

Fast forward to in my thirties and things were getting worse and worse for me, I found out I had severe depression and anxiety and was probably that way since very young. It just seemed normal to me to be that way. I dont think I have ever had real happiness and not sure I even know what that is - I get manic and highs which make me very happy but I think thats more the BPD and the extreme moods.

I was diagnosed with BPD about 5 years ago and struggling constantly to stop all this crap but it is a roller coaster with a lot more downs than ups lately so its a struggle.

The one thing I can praise myself for and I dont know how but I keep going, I keep putting one foot infront of the other even when I'm at my worst.

There is a lot more I could tell but I'll be honest I dont want to be identified on here.