I really know what it's like to have depression

Re: The Beer Garden

[ Edited ]

Okay everyone - I managed to copy and move both those posts - I don't think I have moved anything that long before

So let's hear your experiences - don't let people treat us like children because we have depression - depression is often a symptom of something else - in fact pretty sure it is - most of the time

Decadian

Great post @Decadian & @Shaz51

Here is my story: I have always been a very sensitive child growing up. Always having to do the 'right thing' by my mother or else. I remember at the age of 17 I kept complaining of stomach pains and eventually my mother decided to take me to the Royal Melbourne hospital. She got my brother to drive me and her there. I remember so vividly all the questoins the doctors were asking me. After all the questions they said can we take you to a room of student psychologists, they would like to ask you some questions. I was scared of all the questions. After answering the questions I remember going back to the cubicle and the doctor handed me a card of a psychiatrist saying 'we would like you to see this person'. I remember walking out and telling my mum and her answer was 'oh no you don't need a psych'. So that was the end of that.

I was always getting sick in the stomach, pains that no one understood. Couldn't tell my mum for she thought i was trying to not go to school.

Fast forward to thirty years later - I was bullied at work by a builder at his family business. Yelled at, sworn at and treated like shit. That job only lasted 5 months as I had a melt down and my GP diagnosed me with depression. That was the first of many visits to psych's and therapists.

I then started seeing a psychologist for work stress (different job) and after a few sessions out came all my demons - childhood sexual abuse, trauma, ptsd, anxiety, depression and BPD (borderline personality disorder). I knew i was different, always sensitive, crying, but i am a caring genuine person.

Depression for me feels like a trap - desperate to get out. It feels hopeless and helpless and it feels never ending. Despair, crushing, pain, hurt. Sometimes the pain is too much that I hide away and don't want to talk to anyone. Some days it's dark, really dark where I am in my head.

After not talking to my parents for 6 years (as a result of telling them of my childhood abuse, they don't want to know me) I feel that I am just starting to scratch the surface of learning who I am. I can make my own decisions without my mum telling me 'yes do this or yes buy that'. I am learning that i can make choices myself. I don't need her.

The only thing that makes me very sad and emotional still to this day is - not being able to see or speak to my dad. I love him so much even though i never tell him; he is stuck in the middle of my controlling mum. And i know he is hurting just like me because he is a quiet man who only wants best for his kids.

I just hope that one day I can have some sort of peace in my heart, I don't know if i ever will. The pain is still too great.

Wonderful Post my friend @Decadian x0x0

Thank you @Decadian, took me a while , xx

Hello @BlueBay, thank you for story , sending you hugs

Thanks @Shaz51

And @BlueBay- for including your story here - this is a good thing

Blue I have read your story before of course - and in the website we need to tell the story over and over because new members keep coming and then the older members who read less of what you write need to know and guess what

You are getting your story together - it's more concise - still the same old story - that's true but you have it more focussed

When I started seeing a psychiatrist my mother said "Don't let them tell you that you had an unhappy childhood - you were a very happy little girl most of the time - whoohee - I was not. I think she was afraid of what I would say when I saw the psychiatrist - about her cruelty

Our mothers really hurt when they slam the door on reality and stop the truth from coming out in a healthy way - we remember a lot - of course we do

Dec

That seems to be one of the big challenges with depression doesn't it - the people around you both in the past and the present tend to make you feel like you are looking for someone to blame for it.

I don't know about everyone else but I know I don't feel that way about my mental health issues. To me there are circumstances that trigger it for sure because it's like an illness. I've read quotes before that say things along the lines of "you'd never say it's just cancer get over it" to anyone and by the same token just like cancer, depression and mental illness is not something you can blame someone for. It's an illness not a choice.

Hi @Former-Member

I tried to tag as many people as I could - I think I overloaded the system

Write when you are ready - it is really hard to keep track of everyone's story - so not only can you let us know about your depression and other hard issues - we can have a lot of the stories in the one place for a while

@Zuflae - Hi - I haven't seen you before so I guess you are new so I would like to take this chance to welcome you to the forum - we are like a family here

You are right - people don't blame you for catching cancer or telling people with something like flu to just get over it - well - not during the serious phase though. I guess people can see physical diseases but what gives "normal" people the right to feel as if they can condemn us for those things that are hard to live with but cannot be seen

I have Chronic Pain Syndrome as well as PTSD, and being emotionally fragile and a bereaved mother - and it is in this forum that I am accepted with all the things that make me emotionally uncomfortable as well as the pain - when no one can see either

I am glad you have found us - I am sure you will find help here - people really care about each other

Decadian

Hi @Decadian - thanks for the welcome and yes I'm new here. It's always nice to find people that understand what it's like definitely.

My story is that i haven't really entered 'The Online World' yet

My story is that i haven't really entered 'The Social Networking World' yet

I'm old fashioned and still like the way it used to work

But i'm paying the price

It's like i'm not good enough for anyone

But i'm trying to stick to my good natured values and principles

And hopefully i'll get to know someone who's real and not just for show

I still like the way it used to work

And i don't feel like compromising my values and principles