~ The Toolshed ~

Everyone is a failure and a winner @Blackcloud depending on what we're expecting from ourselves. Most people don't like playing chess because it's as much about losing as winning, and people only see the pain and loss of control in losing and not the positive sides of it, that it can help us understand and develop ourselves and our own aims and goals, and allow us to perceive an image of ourselves in the landscape of our own lives.

I'm totally there @avant-garde

I find it funny - my brother and his wife are heads of the Departments in the subsequent Universities and they both

ACT like this in social situations and to each other.

i love them both very much.

But stuff like that doesn't interest me.

They both do not understand me.

Ide like to believe my brother loves me very much.

I also have this tendency to ask questions that possibly others would find slants me into being pigeon holed however my son did something very tremendous last month. He lost his supermarket job and got another supermarket job.

He lives in a share house. Two of his share house friends each had brother's who died in extraordinary circumstances in seperate occassions at same time. My son supports both of them. Now thats something to write home to.

@avant-garde @Jynx @tyme @MissGremlin @Abner @Blackcloud

@Abner

You are a talent.

I love hearing from you.

Thankyou

Yeah I used to study pretty much all the time either short courses on open university or whatever until about 2019 then burnt out.

My biggest conundrum these days is reading Lavinia Gomez and trying to get my head around this idea that connecting with people is like, a total basic need, just like eating. It makes me wonder if all the old mind theories really get how massively important our relationships are to who we even are. Like, figuring out how we connect with others is probably the secret to even understanding our own crazy brains, you know? It's like, when you really click with someone, you kinda see yourself clearer too.

It means that how we connect with people really shapes who we are, maybe even more than some theories realize. Our relationships are a core part of becoming us.

@Jynx @Ru-bee @Lauz @Dimity @Glisten @Abner @MissGremlin @Blackcloud @Jynx @tyme

@Zoe7 @TAB

@PeppyPatti

Hello my dear friend. I am sorry that you have been struggling. Yes I am dealing with childhood trauma too. Does it help to take it out and look at it? I don’t know yet! Sending you love and compassion hun xxx

dearest @Oaktree

I don't know friend. I do know that your life choices have made you a lot gutsier than me however I'm not putting myself down.

I don't know - I think I have changed when speaking about it to a therapist but don't know if it ever changes.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I didn't call my mother to wish her a Happy Easter. I felt a bit dizzy and slept a lot. It was the right thing to do because even after all this therapy I still fall apart for a out 5 days whenever I speak to her.

Iv been reading some pretty heavy books and I choose to remember that one neaurologist called Dr James Doty who writes about what trauma does to the head.

But even though my Mum took all power away from me when I was a 30-40 year old adult it's only me that can change that.

@PeppyPatti

Good on you for taking your power back and making different choices. Only you know what’s best for you. If your Mum gives you hard days afterwards then I get why you don’t want to make contact.
Trauma definitely changes a lot of things. I am definitely affected. Hopefully you can find some peace with it all before too much longer. I have finally started trauma therapy with a psychologist and it is really hard. I am hoping that in the end it will help me.

My darling darling lady.

I did Judith Richards trauma therapy.

It was HARD

@Oaktree

How are you going.

I can only see it was worth it. You are so so lucky.

Because you gotta stand naked in front of a full-length mirror as many times a week as you can and tell yourself you are wonderful.

One day I woke up and deleted all these people from my Facebook page out of my life who mistreated me.

I keep on throwing complications in the mix so it's very long and drawn out.

I can admit though since I started I'm allowing some positive and incredible things to appear in my life.

@PeppyPatti

My psychologist is having me do daily compassion exercises but I am finding it really hard. It’s difficult to go from I hate myself to I love myself. She says I should start with something I am proud of. Quite often I forget to do it.

It's hard but it's like my drawing exercises.

You can do this.

You are going to heal your husband and your adult children.

Trauma is generational. What happens is how you act in a what you have been taught by your main caregivers and guess what -

How the treat you was how they were treated by their main caregivers.

It's as important as eating. A big from the main caregivers was as important as food.

That's a lot to take on. I'm taking it all in sitting here. It's taking me months.