HOW NON BPD SPOUSES TREAT US AND TREATMENT

I want to know if others are in the same boat, if this is normal and this is the truth.

Hopefully someone on here can respond to me and also a moderator - I really need to know how common this is.

I dont care if its harsh I just need to know but I guess we will see if anyone responds.

And yes I do feel very desperate and at the end of my rope.

Sorry need to stop or I will breakdown at work..

Hi @Change123,

Again I am really sorry to hear that you are having a particularly rough time in regards to how your partner and others are treating you based on what they know about BPD symptoms. My email response was vague because I wasn't sure how to help you best or if I could at all help over an email. But I do think many people have negative views of BPD and will treat someone based on this, although people who specialise or have more knowledge of BPD have a more positive view. This stigma can really impact on the way people are helped to manage BPD symptoms unfortunately.

So I guess the best thing to do it is receive help from those who have experience and knowledge of BPD. Please take care of yourself,

Lunar

Thanks @Former-Member

I guess my question still isnt answered, how common is this because the people who are supposed to help are saying the same thing so I dont have an answer.

I am left to assume that I will be treated like the evil b...! Iam supposed to be by all, partner who is supposed to care and medical professionals who are meant to know the difference.

So is this it, I'm looked upon by all society as nothing but a tantrum throwing waste of space that should receive nothing but aggressive treatment from the people that are meant to help me and this is infact the help I need?

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Hi @Change123, it's not easy to answer your questions as there is so much variation in the people with BPD, their partners and how they've been dealt with professionally. It's not possible to make blanket statements about how EDs view people with BPD as EDs are made up of indivdiuals with their own views and experiences. I don't believe that there is a policy about how to treat people with BPD but it's true that people with a mental illness can feel sigmatised in those settings.

SANE are publishing a blog on misconceptions around BPD next week so I certainly agree that there are some out there. But a misconception shouldn't lead to a lack of respect and kindness, whether that's from your partner or your local hospital. And it should never leave you feeling like you're being treated and disciplined like a child. There are treatment protocols around BPD and they certainly don't recommend that strategy.

It can be helpful to bring awareness to how the condition creates stronger reactions to events. And to learn new ways to dealing with these situations. Perhaps this is what the video is recommending and it's been misinterpreted by your partner.

@Former-Member

Thanks I am just so lost now - I just dont see the point in trying to survive, this just confirms my feelings of worthlessness - I dont have anywhere or anyone to turn to as everything has let me down.

I'm mainly wanted a majority answer on spouses and their feelings towards us and how they feel this sort of treatment is very acceptable and infact promoted.

I just feel like I should just get it over and done with because my life is a misery and by the sounds of it there is no one I can turn to.

I dont know if I will be back I dont see the point anymore in anything...

Hi

I have just read your post. I often feel the same way as you have described and often wonder how things can change. My partner does not know I have BPD as I am too scared he will label me, he already tells me i'm nuts and there is something wrong with me. I don't have any answers for you, but can definetly understand how you feel.

Summer

Hi @Change123 @Former-Member@Former-Member

@Change123 I hear you my friend so much that I am crying, I am really sad because it is so true.

I was treated badly by a doctor on the weekend while in hospital overnight for asthma and bronchitis. I reported him and got back a phone call from the director of ED. She said this behaviour will not be tolerated and that I am not to feel that because of my mental health that i was not treated with care.

I know exactly what you're saying that BPD are 'attention seeking'; I've been told that many times by my therapist. He would say you're doing that to seek attention.Boy did i get angry with him.

And I know that my husband feels the same - that my behaviour is crap.

It doesn't help me or my moods.

Pls don't go, stay here and chat. I really do understand what you're saying. But that's becvasue I have BPD.

Here for you @Change123

Hi @Change123,

From my experiences what you describe is very much how many of the nurses especially treat BPD in ED especially. I think some mental health nurses do still hold that perception of borderlines as attention seeking and immature. From my experiences now that they know me at the hospital they treat me more as an individual person. They know what behaviours to expect from me.

As for your partner and his amazing frickn insight into BPD I suggest that maybe he actually doesn't care if he doesn't want to work with you in a collaborative and helpful way it will do more harm than good. From where I stand he appears just to want to one up you because he has all the facts. If he really believes this why is he staying with you. Did he tell you that borderlines have a great gift of empathy, kindness and caring. Does he know our love is intense and often forgiving. Perhaps you can ask him what are the positives about being with a borderline. I don't believe that we are incapable of relationships or love or being loved but I think both people in the couple need to work at how to develop the relationship and best support each other.

He is not the sum of you @Change123 and neither is any bullshit video or perception by nurses who don't even try to see things from a different perspective. I have been told my BPD traits are a strength and a struggle. This I identify with. At times it is a huge struggle to find even ground but at other times I can see things that others can't. I think you would see this too.

I don't have a leg to stand on being single now but I wish I'd had counselling and understood my self and BPD dynamics better when I was in a relationship BUT I would have needed a partner to support me not work against me with it. As for counselling, that feels like people who say that have a timeframe for counselling or their is no hope. I wouldn't be going anywhere good without counselling now. My counsellor knows this is often a long difficult diagnosis to see progress. When I give up she doesn't which helps me immensely. I don't have the figures or facts but my gut says how does one navigate all the unlearned things from childhood if there is no one to helps us do this. How do we magically learn emotion regulation or distress tolerance by ourselves! This rant is definitely not at you but in support of you.

Take care, hugs 🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜