struggling with MH

I feel I have gone crazy. I have never chatted online before. It is not always possible to speak with someone about how you are feeling, and it is very difficult when times are so hard.

It is very difficult to speak with others when times are tough, but you're doing a really great job. I think that reaching out on here is such a great step. You're never alone @magpie4

I agree with all you have said. I am still finding it hard to say anything bad about him, he truly was the best to have come into my life. So affectionate and loving however I was not used to anybody being like that to me, and feel I should have responded better to him, however now too late. I would have thought as we enjoyed so many things together, laughed so much, that he would have patience for me to be like him as well, which I would have, so suprised to what he has done. My psychologist has said this is narcissitic behaviour in ways and I should try to get angry about this which in turn would help me to move on, instead I still have him on this pedestal.

It is very hard to get angry about someone that you once loved so deeply, especially when they aren't necessarily a bit person, so don't worry if you aren't able to get angry just yet @magpie4 One day you may realise that it was their loss, and not yours. It really is a privilege to be with you, and the right person will stay through all the bumps!

Having someone you love on a pedestal is totally normal, but in time try and work on lowering them down one step at a time, and putting yourself on there. It's not easy but it really will make you feel a lot better when you start to prioritise you again. Are you seeing your psychologist again soon? Or someone that you can chat to about feeling like this?

This person loved me and my “awesome” company so much, he said it broke his heart not to be with me anymore, thinks about me EVERY day. This was the message I got after the call he made to me in May. So that is why I thought he just needed to find himself and then come back. And after pouring my heart out to him, telling him how much I loved him and miss him, he had actually moved on with someone else!

Yes, I am seeing the psychologist in 2 weeks. I talk to my brother and sister as well. They are very concerned for me when I talk about, you know, when you don’t want to wake up.

That is really good that you can see your psych in 2 weeks, and that your family is there for you. Our informal supports are just as important as our formal supports that's for sure @magpie4

That does sound very confusing, and I'm so sorry that it has come out of the blue for you. What are you going to be doing tonight for some self care? Or to try take your mind off of things for a bit? Do you see your kids often?

as I work alone, its also hard with no one to talk to. I have just called my son, just to hear a voice. I have thought about going to see some people outside, but feel this may be an intrusion and feel stupid for doing so. You know when you just turn up, oh hello.....then you might get the look of "what are you doing here". I used to know people, talked everyday to different people, now I have nothing...... or so it seems

@magpie4 it's so hard to be isolated, for sure. I don't think it's stupid to go out and have a chat with some folks! You can always ask them first, "Hey would it be an intrusion to come have a bit of a chat, or a cuppa perhaps?" - gives people the chance to say no if they'd like. But you never know they might be just as keen as you.

thats true, I suppose I dont want to show how I am feeling, so feel conscious of myself. anyway, these are people I know who go on the water, so I went to have a look/pretend I just want to cool down, as I used to do this also, but I forgot that it was windy and so it was cancelled, no one was there. Went to the shop for a few groceries....and something to drink....omg, there was a time there was nothing like that in my house. oh well, I feel like have some. Falling flat again.

@magpie4 it's really rough to feel super self-conscious, for sure. Can make it really hard to be present when in conversation. Something that can be worked on though, for sure.

I am sorry it was all windy! How are you going now?