Fresh start old house

Hi and welcome, @Glowbug . Your situation sounds tricky. I have a similar neighbour, who suffers from paranoia and takes it out on everyone around her. She bails all the neighbours up at various times and yells at us and accuses us of watching her, making noise, stealing the garden bin so she can't use it, etc.

She used to accuse me of various stuff too, but she's left me alone the past 18 months or so. Why? I think it was after a long conversation we had where she was (as usual) angry at me about random imagined stuff. I told her she needed help for her anger issues and paranoia. That's the only reason I can think of that she started leaving me alone.

I don't know if doing that would work for you but it's the only thing I can think of.

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@Glowbug

Great you feel optimistic about a new start.

High density living can be tricky. Yep I had a neighbour problem too. Know that you are not alone in that. My pdoc actually laughed when I explained my scenario and said there was one in every court. Ha ha ... not a royal court tho. lol. To avoid her I went on higher meds about 7 years ago plus other reasons, but am glad to say I have reversed that situation and am almost off them. In last 18 months, I have taken her to task a couple of time and said she probably could do with mental health counselling to help her with aggressive control issues. It did make her take stock and she also accosted all my visitors, and asked her to leave them alone. The excuse is she is just friendly, but would also gaslight and shame me with other neighbours, cos some were support workers. This morning she waved eagerly at me but she is high maintenance and controlling, rather than paranoid.

I am accepting that she is not a real friend for me, but we can be neighbourly and chat now, but I stand my ground within conversation, and do not always people please, or be vulnerable, as before. I am beginning to see that a big part of my learning in last 2 years is managing these kinds of interpersonal conflicts. She knows I am not a pushover, and I no longer have support workers coming anyway. I was in the end of a court and it got bad again a year ago I felt trapped, as the dog lovers were taking over the street and I could barely walk up and down. Mostly I was alright ... but had to speak up about that, when dog management failed and another incident occurred and a frightened female visitor fell over. Things re-arranged 2 other neighbours moved out and the dog level in street settled.

So my tips are

1) moving may not completely solve problem as you may find a new annoying neighbour.

2) Work on assertion and boundaries. It also may not be the end of everything if a conflict occurs. I was very frightened of conflict earlier, but am becoming more robust.

3) People are complicated. Be kind about her psych problems, as most people who have suffered can find some empathy, but stand firm on basic decency and basic rights.

Go you!