TW

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@Historylover wrote:

Your ray of sunshine shone brightly through my window, @chibam. Thank you for it. I am wary of everybody here and my trust is hard earned but it is slowly growing.

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That's good to hear, @Historylover 🙂 (The part about growing trust, I mean.) I guess that's a good sign that your being treated properly by the people your dealing with.

I hope the change in scenery makes you feel better, too. I don't know what more to say about that as I sort of lack context when it comes to talking about holidays. I can only hope that yours is beneficial and enjoyable. 🙂

Thanks, @Appleblossom, I'm doing my best but my distrust antennae go into overdrive sometimes.

@Historylover Sometimes it can be to keep you safe, sometimes recognise when it is in overdrive. We need to have some filter and I was lacking in that, but getting there.

@Historylover i am feeling similar since i lost my parents. I had already been socially isolated due to DV with no where else to turn in terms of support network- for 26 bloody years. I really feel it now, especially on weekends. I have work on weekdays so that is a distraction. My therapist told me to go outside more often as being at home makes it worse. I almost had a panic attack 2 weeks ago from the social isolation. Covid is not helping either 😞 I come here and connect and it feels like something. I hope you feel better once you get regular visits. I wish I had that too. (covid safe of course)

Sitting with you at this time

And sometimes it's a trap. I see they have me trapped in a mock sense of security. They want my clothes to wash, they have my purse. Will my clothes go missing? They know I have no-one to bring me bring me fresh clothes. Dirty deeds afoot here.

@chibam, I just realized the trap I'm in. They have my purse and now they want my only clothes ,' to wash,'. I wonder if they could 'go missing'. These places break people. I'm the only normal person here Everyone is a zombie. in hospital garb. They've been broken, and now they want to break me. They've pretended to be my friend so I'll blab and they can assess my vulnerability.This is why I said I had to do my attempt successfully. I'm so frightened @chibam. They have just relabeled asylums.

Good morning @Historylover

Thoughts are with you today. I pray you feel your fortitude and spirit for life grow stronger. And with the deep calmness of your years, you ask for your clothes back. Thank the staff for their thoughtfulness to clean them, but now you'd like them back.

🫂

I haven't decided how I'll handle this situation, @Kyle1. If they get my clothes, I'm at their mercy and de-identified. These folk like to have control and I'm a resister to that.

It's not a general hospital that I can exit, it's a locked rehabilitation hospital. These folk like to have controllable patients and that's just not me. I'm frightened. No talk about when I can go home. When they break me?

I hope you're doing alright.🖖(Not sure what that sign means!)

you're an independent thinker with an intelligent mind. And it sounds like the only way out of where you are is to go incognito.

Show them what they want to see.

But do, please, @Historylover give yourself every chance to heal and recover. Having experienced a little of the psych ward culture myself, real recovery and reclaiming self won't happen until you're out of there. And that's when you're going to need a friend or two, compassion for yourself, and a good therapist. Please, please, please take every opportunity to find and utilise those supports. 🙏

How would you feel about having that dialogue with the Dr at the hospital - regarding ongoing support and therapy?

@Kyle1, the trouble is I love to chat and I know my every word is being passed along the line. I'm trying to be aloof, but not to the extent that I get a DX of 'withdrawn'. I'm livid about the power they've taken away from me. Livid. And their lulling me into trusting them. The tone is subtly changing. And my BP shows it

I'll just do my best to be agreeable but my angry face tells a different story. A work in progress. I bought some books fortunately.