Far and Away

I had a nap this afternoon so probably didn't help @Zoe7

Probably not @Pepsimax I am most likely going to sleep on the couch when I can finally sleep - been parked there most of the day anyway.

I really sorry to hear about Cat @Zoe7

Thanks Hon. I am a bit better today but still really sad about what is to come @Pepsimax I just need to spend as much time as I can with her and keep loving her.

@Faith-and-Hope Did you get your cuppa? Are you okay Hon?

Hi @Pepsimax 👋💕. That’s the way of it sometimes. An afternoon nap can cause a disturbance on night sleep.

I have my tea made @Zoe7.

I caught up with mr.f&h yesterday morning. It was clear from the conversation that he is very involved with his “someone else”, so it hasn’t happened overnight. It means to me that his outburst last weekend and ratty behaviour was the result of inner conflict. He needed to end this relationship before he could be present in the way he wanted to be in the other one.

At least that is established between us now. It gave me the chance to state my opinion that it was the invasive presence of his undiagnosed eating disorder that undid our marriage. He tried to say that it was over years ago, which I didn’t buy ..... and offered to come with him to an ed specialist to clarify it for us ..... no great surprise that he ignored the offer. At least he tollersted the raising of it in conversation, but of course now there is nothing to lose, at least on that level. I think it is going to be another story when the kids find out though.

I have said for a long time now that mr. had undergone a change in personal vslues. This will make it abundantly clear, because it is completely lacking in the integrity he was once known for.

Oh Hon that is so incredibly difficult for you. I honestly do not know what to say but I am very angry for you. You deserve so much better and the fact that he could treat you with so much disrespect certainly shows the man he has turned into. Just offering to see someone wth him shows just how much compassion and integrity you have - I would not have been so forthcoming with my support there at all. Once again you have taken the high moral ground but I can also imagine this is tearing you apart also. It does explain some of his behaviour as he has obviously checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Unfortunately he has not had the integrity to let you know thatnfirst hand and has made life extremely difficult for you along the way - that I find inexcusable.

This is going to affect your baby dragons as well. I suspect they will have both anger and hurt for you as well as themselves.

I am finding it hard here to find the words for how I am feeling for you Hon so instead I will tell you how I feel about you...

You are one of the most amazing, courageous and compassionate people I have ever met. You brighten my day by just being you and it is not just my pleasure but honour to know you. Whatever is to come and however you need to deal with it I have no doubt you will. There are certainly going to be tough times ahead but you are also finally free - free from the responsibility, free from the control and free from the anguish of dealing with the uncertainty. The loss here is his and quite frankly he does not deserve to even have you in his corner for even a second. You deserve so much more and maybe now it is your time to go out and get that. Live the life you choose Hon and repair your heart with all the things that you have always wished you had done or dreamt of being ...the world is yours so go out and grab it

There were other things about our life together that I wasn’t sure about giving up @Zoe7, so this has made it easier in a sense ..... there is a very clear separation of what can still be, and what can not, going on in my mind. It has certainly provided an awful lot of clarity, and I am sure with time a bigger picture of what has been going on in his other world will emerge as well.

My compassion is centred in the fact that he is very unwell, still without the realisation of it, but I sense that is coming. One medical result has returned. In isolation it could be put down to stress. When you are aware of the hidden ed behaviours, the dial swings immediately to that as the cause, without much doubt. Symptoms that were presenting in isolation, once linked, begin to reveal what is hidden. The symptoms he went to hospital with require a thorough, holistic investigation. I am still hopeful it will be found and treatment begun, but also thankful beyond words that I am absolved from any responsibility to walk forward with him on that journey. The presence of his “someone else” has gifted me that. If that person doesn’t stay the course, the default will be his own family. Our kids would be a part of that too, but I suspect once they become aware of his other life, and the fact that it has overlapped with ours, will affect how present they will / can be.

All of that remains as a speculation though, until supported by medical results and diagnosis.

And thank you so much for your beautiful words @Zoe7. You have been such a wonderful support here for me for so long 💐🦋💕

@Pepsimax have you been doing any artwork lately ?

He is very unwell @Faith-and-Hope and I also hope it doesn't take a major crisis for him to find the help he needs ...but yes you are dissolved of that responsibility as a partner but not as a caring human being.

I do suspect your kids will be really thrown by his 'other' relationship and once the true nature and length of that comes out they will not look favourably on what he has done. They will most likely feel cheated on as well but that is a natural reaction when someone has another life in secret. Undoubtedly they will feel for you too Hon (as they should) but as a family (without Mr) you will work through it. You have strong baby dragons because they have a wonderful role model in you and it may actually be the making of some of them with taking on a little more independence as well.

...and of course now you can get a cat of your own 😺

I have so many questions for you and thoughts running around in my head but now is not the time. Know though whatever happens and wherever this all leads you I am here with you and for you. Things are tough for both of us but to quote Martin Luther King Jr "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that"