Far and Away

Hey Hon. Went out early to the shop to get a few things then fell asleep on the couch with Toby when I cam back - slept for around another 3 hours so must have needed it. Going to get stuck into the housework and mybe the mowing this afternoon - that depends on how motivated I am though.

Going to head over to the carer's side to read and respond to your posts there - from what I have already read you are not doing so well today and that makes my heart sad for you You know this but I am saying it here also - you are so special Hon and I love you dearly. Here for you and with you @Faith-and-Hope

💜💐 @Zoe7

@CheerBear I missed your post before CB - I am okay - just a lazy morning - another day of not putting too much pressure on myself. Had a really bad dream last night and that has left me a bit vulnerable today - one of those dreams where you can't distinguish between reality and the dream - but whilst it is not ideal it is not going to drag me down any further either ...having to more sit with the feelings and get through them.

How is your day going Hon?

Haven't gotten to any work yet @CheerBear Still lounging around on the couch

I do get super tired after nights like last night - it makes me feel very vulnerable and overwhelmed with emotions but much able to sit with those these days and they seem to dissipate a lot quicker than they used to. It is still making me feel a little sick though - really was a hard night - haven't had one of those for quite some time. I think tonight will be the real test - I often feel a bit of that fear around sleeping for a couple of days after one of those dreams - so it will be a meds early night and hoping for no more dreams tonight.

Your day sounds like a nice easy one too - hope you get the yarn you need for your project and that the 2 of yours you take with you behave themselves. I love that one of your LF were trying to make kitty clothes - must take after their mum hey

Hey @Faith-and-Hope Hope you have had a better night than you did morning Hon. I am off to bed. Will catch you tomorrow. Goodnight my angel

Goodmorning @Faith-and-Hope I have been up for a few hours already but pretty much just lunging around on the couch. Think I will need a nap soon as I am still very tired. I do have housework to get done today but nothing apart from the washing that can't wait. It is suposed to be warm for the next couple of days so will wash my couch doona and hang that out to dry today. That should keep me up and about without being able to snuggle on the couch with it. I also have a lttle planning to do for thos week but that shouldn't take too long either. Very unmotivated so far this morning but will need to get a few things done later redy for the upcoming week.

How are you feeling this morning? Did you get some sleep? Are you heading to church soon?

I had an unsettled sleep @Zoe7 , but managed to piece enough bits together to call it a decent amount.

Its not something I do often, but I am going to skip church this morning. I went last week with the visiting auntie, and we left early, and this week I don’t feel up to seeing people. While the community there have been welcoming, there are not any strong bonds yet, and I am still feeling sensitive enough to cry if those who do know me start asking about how our holiday went, and how I am.

Heading our to sort the wallet with D3, then I will take D2 out with a friend I have bonded with for an excursion, while S2 and D3 head off to lunch and a movie - out of the house 🎉 ahead of hubby arriving back this evening, no doubt with wanting to talk to the kids about booking flights on his mind ..... the night before a uni day ......

We are not at that end of the day yet, so all I am going to worry about for now is going for my coffee ☕️ 💕

Not going to church really does show me that you are feeling quite vulnerable still Hon I wish you had those bonds there already as an outlet for you to talk about all that is going on for you - it would be so lovely for you to have that. The long weekend is not far away so very much hoping you will be able to catch up with a friend or two back west to talk some of this through. You really do need a psych in the east to be able to talk some of this out Hon. Really feeling for you - I know how much the isolation can add to your feelings and hate that that is the case for you too at present.

It will be really nice to get that time out with D2 and the friend you have bonded with - is that the one that you have been going to coffee with in the group before?

It will be nice for D# and S2 to spend some time together out of the house too - that is progress for both of them and no doubt will be relaxing for them before Mr. returns home. I do hope that he doesn't put too much pressure on everyone and if he does that the kids stick up for themselves as well. I know you will stand your ground and back your kids - that is a given - but also look after yourself in all that.

I am of course concerned about you at the moment but I know also that you will do everything you can to look after yourself. Your strength in all that you do is obvious but even the strongest of us can only take so much before we crash - but you know best what you need to get through all this and I have faith that you will do what you need.

So many hugs and so much love coming your way Hoin. Here for you and with you always

I emailed a psych here this morning @Zoe7 , so getting that ball rolling.

Psych’s who have been involved with us before have begun by asking why I haven’t left .... until they get enough information happening (many weeks of appointments) to realise that I have my finger in a dyke that will flood and destroy if I walk away, and many standing with me are not strong swimmers at the moment (S2, D1, D3) or at all (D2), so what might seem like an obvious, though difficult, way out suddenly takes on a whole new perspective. I have to be ready for the challenge of laying everything out, along with explaining what gives me to believe that this is the most likely outcome, takes a certain amount of strength and fortitude in and of itself.