Thank you for that vote of confidence @Eve7 @Faith-and-Hope It does mean a lot 
@Snowie Not able to do much today - still a lot to process and feeling very flat 
@Faith-and-Hope Did not have a good night here either so very much appreciate your D3 being in the position she is. I hope she is feeling a bit better today but also super glad she had you to call and her brother to help even though she decided to stay home and try to sleep. I hope also you hear from her soon as that waiting must be very difficult for you - I know you would be wishing you were there with her but you have two wonderful kids in the west with her and that is some comfort.
Really not doing very well today but I suppose that should be expected. Certainly a lot to take in and a lot I need to do these few days. Very overwhelmed by it all - too much at once - but need to find a way to get through it otherwise that overwhelm will continue ad that will mean I am further behind at work and the stress of that will add to my physical issues.
I know getting the photos and guitar pick from my friend's sister has had a massive impact on me - opened up that grief again that I was (somewhat successfully) pushing away. I just cannot believe at all that he is gone - I know that is not healthy but I do not want to believe it still. We were soul mates - as friends only - but that meant so much to me. There are not too many people in this world I can say I truly love but he was certainly one of them
Whist the wonderful comments from my Principal were exceptionally kind I do also feel the hurt and disappointment from that old school and Principal. I was there for 12 years and did so much for that school so to be virtually discarded and treated so badly at the end was unbelievably hurtful. I know you get that as you were there all the way through that with me - and I also know I dealt with it very admirably but that will never take away what a b*tch she was and how her actions could very well have sent my life back into a whirlpool of MH issues - it didn't because of ME and all the support I had but she is one dangerous individual so I am so glad I do not have to deal with her anymore. My Mum wanted to make a formal complaint but I discouraged her - not worth the extra aggravation at the time and knowing how many people have left there since is a pertty good indication that it was not just me that she treated so badly. As I said before - her loss and as a result I have landed at an incredible school with wonderful staff, senior staff, ALL staff infact and gorgeous kids, doing a job I only ever dreamed I would one day do - so I am by far the biggest winner 👍
As for the physical issues I now have to face - overwhelmed, scared and very much worried about what impact it is all going to have ongoing. It is good we have some answers so far and a direction to go in but the results of all that are still concerning - and I haven't even seen a cardiologist yet. It really does all feel too much right now - pretty numb to it all but definitely underlying fear that I am trying my best to continue to suppress - have to or I know I will fall in a heap and that will mean a very large step backwards ...that I am not sure I would survive. I am 'okay' for now but very much on the edge of not being and that too scares me
