Far and Away

@Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar Some respite today from it all. Fridays the student isn't at school and as such so far there have been no more correspondence from his mother. It is also a day the support worker is not at school so I have felt I could breathe a bit without the constant pressure to get things done ...as well as teach the class as well. It also meant I could work with some of the other kids that need support and that time was invaluable with them today. Now though I have to spend most of the weekend getting the rest of the things completed that need to be done before Tuesday but I am taking tonight off from it all because I am at breaking point right now.

I spoke to my pdoc this afternoon and she is very concerned about how I am going. Our next appointment is going to be face-to-face (she can see 2 people in person a day). I also need to make an appoitnment to see my GP ASAP so she can 'keep tabs on me' for a while again - my pdoc is also going to contact her to touch base and fill her in a bit on life for me at the moment.

My priority tonight is sleep. My pdoc suggested I take extra of 2 of my meds just for tonight to see if that helps and both her and I are hoping that if I can sleep through the night then it will help get me through the weekend. I agreed to contact triage if I needed to but will not go into hospital ...as my pdoc already knew.

I suspect my sister and/or mother will visit this weekend (which I am not looking forward to at all). I do hope they don't and if they do that neither want to further discuss anything as I am in no frame of mind to handle it. Dealing with work is enough right now so any added stress from either of them I think would push me completely over the edge. I am barely hanging on as it is.

It is freezing cold and wet tonight so Toby and Cat cuddles, snuggled under the doona with the heater turned up and plenty of tissues to wipe away the tears. Such is life!

Hi @Zoe7

It sounds as if you have a bit of space and you need to make the most of the chance you have

Taking the extra tablets tonight and getting a good sleep sounds like a good start - and do you have to see your Mum and sister over the weekend? Or can you limit the time you have with them? It sounds as if you need the weekend to yourself so you won't "go over the edge" - you don't want to go to hospital - that's obvious - and I feel the same way about hospitals - esp atm.

I think you could quite honestly say you have work commitments to prepare this weekend - and you also know you have your first-aid set up with your medical team and the weather is cold and bleak - you have Toby and Cat set up for the evening -

Your health is important - you know this - I know you will do your best but I hope you really can put yourself first

Sending healing and gentle hugs

Dec

Dear @Zoe7 ......I hope you're well and truly asleep by now. @Owlunar has some wise words there ..... I think I would be scotching any visits from your mum and sister this weekend ....,. call it a mental health weekend for yourself and spend the time on you and what you need to get done. I certainly hope you sleep well tonight.

D3 came and spent the evening here. She went to help me with Photoshop again, but the subscription we had is expired, and now I have to purchase a new one for myself ...., so that wasn't going to happen tonight.

Its not as cold as it has been recently, even yesterday. I have to get back to work. Might call my son and see if he will walk me through the set up of a Photoshop subscription.

If you are still up, I hope you are having a good evening @Owlunar .

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

I am having a quiet evening watching TV and allowing my shoulder to settled after the injection - it is still uncomfortable and I want it to work so I can avoid a reverse shoulder replacement which I was told by the medical staff is much harder than a hip replacement.

Ouch - I have had two operations on the rotator cuff in this shoulder decades ago and it won't be easy so I would rather avoid it if possible. If this injection works I can have them every so often to deal with the inflamation which is a problem

It's easier tonight

What are you studying at university and are you doing it full time or part time and which university - I am always interested when people go back to their studies as I did - it was so satisfying to study even though I had to work and therefore studied part time - I am so glad I did that - it enhances my life everyday and I still learn as much as I can all the time

All the best with your studies and your children too - it seems like a great bunch of kids and I am sorry about the rough deal you have had from your soon2bx - good name for him

All the best Faith

Dec

No not asleep unfortunately @Faith-and-Hope The usual flashbacks and anxiety about sleeping that have been ever present for weeks again. I didn't even try for bed island but even couch island was a no go I am going to do a little sorting out of school things to keep busy and to get my mind off everything - as much as I can. Hoping the extra meds knock me out completely very soon.

@Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope My sister has not visited since they moved earlier in the year. I know we have had covid in between that but she has been other places close by and not called in even for a brief visit. The same with my mother. It would certainly be a very different story if I was near them but didn't call in - then again my feelings do not matter nor does anything I am going through ...which I cannot talk to them about because they don't want to know. I certainly can't talk about mental health nor anything in the past. I have told my mother not to give my number out to anyone but she does not seem to hear that - and the most recent breach of trust has had the most devastating consequences for me. How can I tell her that when she has no idea about anything that has happened nor how much of my life is still affected by that. ...and my sister sticks up for her and fobs it off as no big deal - just as my mother sticks up for my sister and continues to enable her behaviour. I honestly feel like I am in a pit sinking fast and with no way out. Thank goodness for Toby and Cat tonight - they are keeping me going.

Hi @Zoe7

If you can't sleep it's better to get up and do something else rather than toss and turn

And I had similar issues with my mother - I had severe anxiety and depression in the past and she had no understanding either but just to hear her - that was different - she was co-dependent and couldn't be upset - it doesn't make for happy families does it?

Have the weekend with your furry family- just say you have to prepare for work next week and that's true- you do

All the best with that - I understand

Dec 2💙💜💚🦉

@Zoe7 .... 💜💚

@Zoe7 💞💞💞

@Faith-and-Hope @Owlunar @Maggie I did have a visit from my sister this morning but it was short and okay. I had just gotten back to sleep when she arrived so will need to catch up on sleep a bit later. Last night was not a good night despite the extra meds so any sleep I can get today in between work I am going to take. Tobes was super excited to see her and she loves him so he got lots of cuddles. He has now settled down again and is alseep on the couch 🐶 Cat has taken up residency lately on the chair next to the heater - whicn is lovely because I can give her more pats. I know winter has definitely hit when I find her there rather than her own room.

@Faith-and-Hope I hope you got some help from your son last night to get photoshop and are able to do your assignents today. I will be happy for you when they are done so you can have a little breathing space for a while. I know you find your art both distracting and helpful to keep your mind busy but I also worry a lot about you working such long hours. I fully understand how involved in our art we can get when we are enjoying it but having the pressure of deadlines can be stressful - so I hope you are balancing that out with some self-care as well. Much love to you Hon- I am missing you but I know we sre both under the pump right now and have a lot happening. Hugs and hugs and hugs to both you and Nelly 😺💖💖

Hi @Zoe7

I'm glad your sisters visit was short and sweet and now you can rest and hopefully sleep some more

Cat likes the heater yeah - my old cat did too - it was a clear morning - I could see the planets from my bed through the window - you had bleak weather last night and I think we are in for it soon too - maybe that's why my shoulder is uncomfortable - the wheat pack is helping

I really hope you get the peaceful break you need this weekend

Dec