Just checking in.

Greetings, one and all. It has been a long time since I have had my head together enough to be able to log on to Sane and write some words...

I'll start with a quick tag of a few people that my fuddled mind (or muddled find) can grasp onto... @Faith-and-Hope @eth @Teej @Shaz51

Life has been hectic and full of change this past year... I hope you allow me the self-indulgence to do a quick recap of the major points...

• Last year, my Lovely Partner's mother fought her final battle with cancer. In order to facilitate getting the family close together during this difficult and devastating time, we opened a retail shop in the next town over from where we live... rural Australia is not an easy place to find work, so this was our way of "buying" two full-time jobs - one for my Lovely Partner, and one for her sister. The shop has been going for just on a year now, and I am happy to report that it is paying its bills (and may even one day pay back all the money it took to start it up). It is establishing itself well as a destination shopping experience for both locals and tourists, which is a testament to the hard work and creative flair of my Lovely Partner and her sister...
• We also purchased a second house in our little town, where my Lovely Partner's sister and her husband live...
• The inevitable end came for my dear mother-in-law, but she was surrounded by loving family to the end, and that love extended beyond her passing, as we support my Lovely Partner's grieving father and each other. I would love to say that each day is easier, but that's not how grief works, is it?
• I have been working 850km away from where I live. It has been a full time technical writing contract for over 2 years now, which makes it the longest stretch of continuous work that I've been able to manage (with my bipolar) since I started my working life in 1993. Of this, I am very proud. By now, I would be balls deep in a 6-month long depression and unable to function, if 25 years of repeating patterns had been allowed to continue ignorantly... it is by virtue of my growing awareness of my condition and how to manage it best that I have been able to avoid the usual crash and burn pattern... that's not to say that it has been easy, or that there haven't been some very bad moments (sometimes lasting weeks at a time), but the important thing is that I have remained functional...
• August last year, my father nearly passed away. He has a weak heart after a few earlier heart attacks, and there is nothing more that the medical world can do to improve his condition. Living by himself on 200 acres in the middle of nowhere was no way to manage his condition, and so he has been living with my Lovely Partner and I in our house since mid-August... we managed to nurse him back to health (he lost over 20 kilograms of fluid buildup, which was affecting his breathing and stressing his heart even further)... we connected him to the excellent aged care services, and palliative care nurses made regular visits until he was well enough to be removed from their care...
• I do not now have, nor have I ever had, a good relationship with my father. This living arrangement for the past 9 and a half months has been a huge source of stress for both myself and my Lovely Partner. My father is a manipulative covert narcissist who controlled my mother's life (and mine growing up), and he contributed largely to my mother's continued struggles with depression and alcoholism, and her eventual way-too-early death from a lifetime of smoking... I have many anger issues to deal with surrounding my father, and there is no point in forgiveness when the person being forgiven sees no wrong in their actions and never will, and refuses to change one iota...
• Thankfully, we have been able to successfully sell my father's property, and he has purchased a house in our little town, two streets up from our house... that's far enough away to maintain our cordial relationship, and close enough for us to ensure he has the care he needs for his final years... settlement should happen in about a month or so, and it will be the single biggest relief of my life... my bipolar always tends to flare up like crazy when my father presses buttons that he himself created...

Sorry for the novel-length update... life continues... in love and grattitude I dwell...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all... much love to the community...

Hey 👋🏻 @Silenus awesome for you to drop in. Just getting s coffee and will respond shortly.

Also tagging @Mazarita althoigh she is taking a forum break too I think she’d love to read your post. 💜🤗

Wow, a lot has happened in that time @Silenus . It is lovely to read that your rural adventure is panning out well. It sounds like a lovely place to be surrounded by loved ones. Sorry to hear about the passing of your MIL. It must have given her comfort knowing that her family was still together and had such a strong bond. As a mother that is the most comforting thing for me. My biggest life wish is that when I go my children maintain their strong relationships with each other.

Im sorry to hear of your fathers I’ll health too. That must have been an incredible strain. I’m glad that things are better for you now having dealt with the really big things around this.

Is there any chance that you can do some of your work from home? I’d imagine the travel because weary after a time but I’m also thinking maybe that routine is a helpful one. I am grinning from ear to ear at your record of two yr work sprint. I know you would have worked so hard to get through it.

My mental health has has been a bit better as well. No hospital admissions for over a year. It is being tested presently as I am currently going through a long overdue property settlement.

My family is also the most united it has been. When we get together it is so noisy and they all chat away for hours and laugh lots. It gives me such a lovely feeling that they are all good friends even though they are so very different. My sons are all adults and all working towards developing careers. I may lose two overseas in the next two years. One has the Canada bug and one wants to work in Europe but preferably Germany for a few years. My parents are off today for a few months doing their grey nomad thing. I’m pretty proud that my parents are so actively making the most of their senior years.

Well that is my wrap. I’m so really pleased you posted here today. It made my day 😊. (Well @CheerBear started my smile by returning but your post has been the cherry on top).

Many heartfelt hugs coming your way 💜🤗

Wonderful news, @Teej ... that ear to ear grin thing must be catching, coz I've got it big time from hearing your good news... there's a lot of hard work that goes unnoticed in order to sail through the storms, but it's a wonderful boost to one's own self confidence in one's abilities...

One of the worst things about mental health issues is that it makes you question your very reality and your own self worth and abilities to the point where you no longer feel capable of continuing... I have fallen into this hole many a time, and it can take a lot of time and effort to crawl back out and start trusting yourself again... more power to you, and to all of us who struggle...

Regarding the work thing - I am blessed in that I work half the time on site, and the other half from home. It would not be possible to care for my father otherwise, and it gives me a great opportunity to de-stress when I work from home. I can be a little bit flexible in my hours of work then, and can recharge my batteries with the odd bit of gardening to break it all up... it has been a major part of my continued functioning, to be able to take these mental health mini-breaks and restore the balance...

Many, alas, are not in positions or jobs where they are able to do this, and that saddens me... people with significant mental health issues can really struggle to hold down a job, and that only exacerbates financial stresses, which feeds back into the mental health loop, and so on... I really wish lots of other parts of the employment sector would get on board with some more flexibility to allow those of us who are fragile but able to work to do so, without breaking down and burning out... we have a lot to offer, but there are limits to how highly functioning we can be, and for how long...

My work is flexible because I am a self-employed contractor, and I have been for over 13 years. Unfortunately, the flip side of that flexibility is the lack of security... often, I work from month to month without knowing if they will ask me back the following month, and that has its own stresses involved with it... in a way, I approach my professional work life as a farmer approaches their life - work hard, and in the good times remember to always save something and put it away for the inevitable bad times...

So happy to hear that your family is doing great, @Teej ... it is truly a blessing...

Hey @Silenus

Thanks for your reply. I’m so glad you have employment which has some flexibility. I think it would be so difficult otherwise.

This

“One of the worst things about mental health issues is that it makes you question your very reality and your own self worth and abilities to the point where you no longer feel capable of continuing... I have fallen into this hole many a time, and it can take a lot of time and effort to crawl back out and start trusting yourself again...”

I relate to very much. I have been in a bit of that hole this week.

Just now feeling a bit more positive though. It has been lovely to catch up. Best wishes for you moving forward again. 💜🤗

Hiya 👋🏻 How are you going @Sans911 ?

lovely to hear from you @Silenus , a lot has happen for you my friend , wehave missed you