Just checking in.

What's going on with your specialist @Former-Member. Do you want to talk about it?

sorry you're having a frustrating time again too.

Nothing has set me off this time I just couldn't sustain being ok for whatever reason. I just woke up this morning feeling nuts.

I'm just not feeling that supported by her atm @Former-Member.

I think she feels I am ready to tackle the world on my own but if I still want to see her she will see me. I'm not sure what she means by this. She did say basically I am women now and that I should be living a life as such- I just don't get it.

The reason I say that I am still quite depressed and I have very little support and I am not sure what to do. I will be seeing her again in just over two weeks. I am not sure what I can say to her though. I still don't feel well enough.

That does sound confusing @Former-Member. I can see how you feel you still need support too. Yes you are spreading your wings but sounds like you still need support to do that. You are still learning to fly and as we know that takes heaps of baby steps and support. What if you can write all this down for her and ask her to clarify more. Perhaps she had a rough day too. I know you've been second guessing her a bit lately. Is it worth trying someone new. You don't have to give her up until you have found someone who might help walk beside you for the next part of your recovery. Just a thought. What do you think?

I have reconciled all my worries about mine. I talked it out with her but it was more me realising she was on the right track and had got me this far and that I need to trust her to guide me for the next part too.

Hi again @Former-Member

I am actually scared to try someone new she as been my specialist/therapist since 98. I think that would be a huge step for me and I am not sure if I could see anyone else but her. But at the same time I may improve with someone new and I could just see her from time to time.

I think I am upset because the beginning of last year around easter time she stopped practicing psychiatry and she changed hospitals and her role now is running the hospital but she decided she would contiue to see me. I think now why did you change my hospital and now I get the impression that she no longer wants to see me. I did have a conversation/email to her a little while ago about wheather or not she still wanted to see me and if she no longer cared it would be better if she let me go. I did get a phone call from her that day and she was happy to continue and that was not that long ago and hence my confusion.

I am glad you have been able to clarify your relationship with your therapist and able to move on together. You seem to be a bit more confident to me and being able to take some risks emotionally with the therapist and learning to trust the process.

I understand the reluctance to change when you know someone so well and they know you so well @Former-Member. I was petrified talking to my counsellor and it didn't go badly but it didn't really go well either. The thing that happened that saved me was we had a two hour session and during it something began to click about what she was trying to do with me. I realised I have to learn to be much more patient than I've been.

I do think it may be worth considering someone else though too. Maybe you could write pros and cons. I think @Kurra analogy of teaching someone for a long time is a good one too. It still may not be right for you to change but may be worth thinking carefully through it. I also understand how hard it is to change whilst you have so many other changes going on too. I am also having a decision to make regarding doing DBT. If I chose to do it I have to change my care coordinator at the mental health team. We are finally working as a team my therapist, care coordinator and me so I'm really scared to giver her up. She is the DBT facilitator and isn't allowed to be my care coordinator as well. I'm unsure what to do but I have time to work it out. It's curly as I finally have more stability with my mental health support but may have to sacrifice doing a therapy that would help too if to keep that stability. Sorry, didn't mean that to be about me but I wanted you to know I get your predicament.

✅ @Kurra💜🤗

Good to hear from you @Kurra

I'll have a bit of time to think before I see her next, which is two weeks from this coming Tuesday (13th Dec). I think at the end of the day I need to do what is best for me. You raised some really good points and perhaps I do have few options available to me. Atm I am feeling quite a bit depressed and I am just worried about how I will manage the next 2 and bit weeks. I have planned to keep myself busy until I see her next. How are you @Kurra ? I hope you are travelling well and doing good things.