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I thought I'd start a discussion where we can check in with members and use this space to keep in contact. It's a space to be able to say how you really feel and it's a space for the good, the bad and the ugly moments in our lives.
Part of it is living in a house with 3 other people (my lovely partner, her sister and her sister's husband)...
I often have to work quite hard to ensure my naturally extreme bipolar reactions, mood storms and thought storms do not spill out onto everyone else...
I am quite elevated... in an 8 out of 10 hypomania kind of way... it is uncomfortable, but not dangerously so...
I am self medicating quite heavily, in order to apply the brakes and ensure that I do not fly too close to the sun...
My main way of channelling all of this crazy energy is through writing... I've got 7 or 8 writing projects on the go...
So yeah... been very insular lately...
Sending lots of hypomanic hugs and hippy happy hoppy vibes... 🙂
In response to: Just checking in.
SilenusSenior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
How have you been @Former-Member ? @Shaz51 ? @Kurra ?
Huggles...
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Change123Senior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Hi @Silenus, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Shaz51, @Faith-and-Hope@BlueBay
Hope you are all doing well after the weekend! @BlueBay hope you have made your decision about hospital?
I'm going well, the weekend was actually good and yes I sound surprised as its the first in a few months!
Hopefully will keep getting better!
Have a lovely day everyone!
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Thank you @Silenus
sending you hugs too
sounds like you are busy , not too busy I hope
sometimes it is hard to get a balance , we had a big weekend ( too big) as hubby is totally wiped out today , he can`t cope if there is too much on
as for me I am feeling very weary today , waiting until next week to see the kidney specialist as i have one kidney working at 24%, low iron and now borderline diabetes
In response to: Just checking in.
SilenusSenior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
I wish you all the best with that, @Shaz51
Sending your kidney some gentle little renal health hugs...
Sending the rest of you slightly more robust but still gentle huggles...
From my personal sphere of experience, my lovely partner's lovely mother had a similar level of dysfunction in one kidney... hahaha... it was letting down the team, alas, and making the other kidney stressed...
They decided it was best in her particular circumstance to remove the poorly functioning kidney, to give the other one a proper chance of functioning healthily...
The surgery went very well... the surgeon should have signed the stitches... hahaha... they were that good...
She bounced back well, and she's a frail lovely lady of 72 fine summers...
She is so much better now...
(though on a side note - there's a rare form of cancer that has come back after a surgery where they were not as successful as hoped... we are still waiting for scans and stuff, and they need to re-operate... we're calm and hopeful, and this magnificent lady is still just quietly being magnificent her through it all...)
It surprises me and it humbles me to see her so strong in the face of such adversity...
It reminds me that when one has mental health struggles, all our problems get magnified and intensified...we point our laser beam focus at it, and we worry and overthink and emote emote emote... hahaha...
I skip the worry part nowadays... it saves time and personal pain, and it serves no purpose whatsoever...
That insight set me free... I haven't had an honest-to-goodness good old fashioned worry about a single thing in... blooming heck... I cannot even remember when...
Even all the personal turmoil from my trip back to see family in Denmark... that didn't shake away the changes for the better that my hard-earned self evolution has wrought in me...
I simply did not worry... I just ever so calmly accepted what was... then I calmly appraised what the best response would be... then, action can follow with confidence, informed by calm reflection...
Having said that, under extreme emotional duress from my father (daft sausage that he is) I did manage to regrettably lose my temper once... I am after all very much still a work in progress... hahaha...
But I don't worry about it...
This is the one thing I try to explain to people gently and humbly...
We are each responsible for our own self evolution...
Nobody else but I am responsible for my own self evolution...
I can ignorantly bumble through life, or I can wake up...
I ignorantly bumbled through my life for 40 years undiagnosed...
Then the cataclysmic events of a 2 year long depression and my wife walking out the door coincided...
The 18th of June, 2011...
That was when the ignorant bumbler died...
...and like Dante's Virgil, into the flames of Hell I entered...
A 2 year long depression is a majorly deep bottomless pit... but when the bottom of a bottomless pit gives way, what happens..?
Speaking from personal experience, you fall... straight into your own personal private hell... bedevilled with demons of your own mind's making...
It's been five and a half years since I grew up... I put my big boy pants on, and faced that despised never-to-be-hated-enough fist-magnet-face in the mirror...
Over the course of these 5 years, I have suffered more personal pain than I thought it possible to suffer... bipolar is good at that... especially those lovely mixed episodes I've had the pleasure of just barely surviving...
Unflinchingly, I looked into every dark nook and cranny of my psyche, my mind, my concept of self...
I laid myself bare on the rack in the dungeon, and was my own judge, jury and executioner...
I fought my demons, and slowly learned how subtle the fight needed to become... brute force of will does not work... you are fighting yourself, remember... you are clever at exploiting your own weaknesses... you know where all the dead bodies are buried, and where all the closets are a-jangling with dancing skeletons... ground and pound in the octagon will not suffice... you are fighting yourself, remember...
So... what then..?
I had to evolve myself... I had to improve myself... the self evolution revolution had begun, and in that moment of insight, that moment of clarity, I knew that I would stay committed to this path for the rest of my life...
The self evolution revolution...
The wheel of balance turns...
Insights into your problems, your issues, your weaknesses of character, your baser instincts, your fear, your guilt, your hurt, your pain, your prejudice, your lack of awareness, your selfishness, your bad habits, your addictions... all the things driving you insane...
Insights set you free...
An insight into a thing allows you to accept and adjust as you must...
The wheel of the self evolution revolution turns Eternal...
It's that simple... you can totally change in a moment even the most deeply-rooted belief or character flaw...
All it takes is calm introspection and a gentle curiosity...
I tried being reforged by the fires of my own personal Hell... I did that stuff for about three and a half of these last five and a half years...
It wasn't fun... even worse, it wasn't working...
You are fighting yourself, remember... hahaha... those words guide me with playful wisdom... the insight sets me free...
I stopped fighting myself...
All it takes is calm introspection and a gentle curiosity...
The self evolution revolution is now conducted in a much more civilized manner... I have survived my Dark Ages of the soul, and now I am in its Renaissance... hahaha...
Insights set us free...
Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all...
In response to: Just checking in.
SilenusSenior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Sorry for the length of my ramble...
I am somewhat elevated and writing up a storm... hahaha...
Huggles...
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Hey @Silenus, don`t be sorry
you are right , do not worry ,it does not help anything when we overthink
I am still learning
my hubby said I am not his carer but his wife , but I feel like the carer and mother sometimes
thank you for the Hugs and happy vibes
and sending some to you
is it hot down wher you are ??
would it be winter in denmark now ?
In response to: Just checking in.
Unknown userMember
Re: Just checking in.
Just checking in to whoever is around. Feeling a little sad and sorry for myself. Can't really complain when it's self inflicted. How is everyone?
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Hello @Former-Member
happy you are here xoxoxo
In response to: Re: Just checking in.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Just checking in.
Hiya @Former-Member ... 🤗
On the run, but have posted a bit on F&A ... wasn't sure weather to tag you there cos your Inbox mighta bee overflowing by now ....
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happy you are here xoxoxo
