not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay ,

Wish I could give you a big big hug and tell you that you have achieved a lot in your life. I hope you can get out for a walk even if its a short one. Nothng wrong with taking it a bit easy on your day off. You deserve some rest after your busy schedule and emotions you have been feeling.

In regard to borrowing money from your kids, i wouldn't worry about it to much. If my parents or close family asked I'd be more than happy to help out. I'm sure they feel indebted to you for supporting them growing up and so on. I think I can understand why it might not feel right, but, it's not going to be something that continues forever. You have plans to change how things are now, but, things like this take time to evolve and sort out.

I hope you feel a little better soon and know you have a lot of people here supporting and caring for you. You will get through it.

Thankyou @Gazza75 for your kind words and hugs. I really need them today ❤️❤️

Thsnks too @Faith-and-Hope ❤️❤️

@MDT i don’t know why I get scared of communicating with hubby. I’m not sure if it’s because he brings me down when he talks or he shuts me down very quickly and walks off. I’m nit sure.

I have included doctors psychologist and evdn my psych in our conversation but it goes in one ear and out the other.

When I see my psychologist sgsin in September we are going to be discussing communication snd inter personal relationships.

You’d think by now after married fir 33 yrs thst we should know how to communicate.

We’ve had lots of stressors along the way. Maybe I have a lot of snger resentment towards him for not understanding my mental illness.

I really don’t know.

Thankyou for listening

how did you go with the job interview?

❤️❤️

Hi @BlueBay

It's okay - I can do this

Ït's okay - I've got you, you'll be alright. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you. You will get through this. You will be okay."

I've got your back

Something worked out well because Huffnpuff cooked dinner when he was asked - perhaps he just needs more direction - you can learned to be specific when you ask him to do things - and expect him to do what you ask - keep the list small and precise -

He can learn to get over his learned helplessness too - and maybe that's the way.

You are in your fifties and feel you haven't done much with your life but that's a feeling and not the truth - you brought up three children with your MIL on board and for a time you had Huffnpuff not working because of his arthritis - you did that and it's a good reason to be proud of yourself - you have had you own house through this - sold that one and bought this one - big decisions - big deals - and now you have too many people living in your house and it's chaotic but you have made decisions about dealing with that - asking your kids to pay up and help out isn't wrong - back in my day we paid board - everyone did -

And one thing about making decisions is knowing that not all choices work out the way we plan and there's nothing wrong wth that - life happens - when your kids move out it will be easier - less chaotic - and empty nesting is a challenge - your next challenge - and you will be better prepared

Look - I used to bite back when my ex-h said stupid things - there were days when I was waiting for him to say something - ooh - I would get so irritated - sometimes really angry - I guess with BPD you need to sort out what applies to your "label" and how anyone would behave -

It's damned frustrating for anyone to keep saying stuff that rubs you up the wrong way - I understand that - I'm here though and get that - I understand - I have your back. You will be okay

And he walks off - how demanding that is - passive aggression - mmmmm - I could blow my top - yes I did and you have been married how long? Thirty-three years - that's an achievement -

I'm here - not going anywhere - I hear you -

You need to see that you are a fine person - stressed out - yes - but succeeding in life

Dec

I hear you -

Hi @Owlunar

Thankyou ❤️❤️ I know you understand.

I just feel worn out. I’m trying to not think too far ahead but I can’t hrlp it I sm.

I guess I worry too much about the present and the future. I remember my old psychologist told me that I’m so scared of the future and the present that I’m not enjoying the present moment. Maybe he’s right.

Yesh if I give hubby precise directions of what to do he will gladly do it. It’s when I don’t say anything he stresses.

Thanks for being here for me. I thought you might get sick if me snd leave. To be honest I would crumble if you left

But that’s bad bevsuse that means I rely on people. And I need to do things on my own.

Why can’t I see positives on my own. Why do I need people to tell me. Why can’t I see any improvement like my doctor keeps telling me.

Hugs @Owlunar I hope you’re ok. ❤️❤️

I thought you might get sick if me snd leave.---- never my sister @BlueBay

this is why i call @Owlunar my second mum , she is wonderful xoxo

and yes @Owlunar has a big week this week and am sending her love and hugs

Love and hugs to you my beautiful sis @Shaz51 ❤️❤️

too you to my sister @BlueBay

I want those three guys that sexually abused me to rot in hell. I want them to suffer 100 times more than what I’m going through.

I HATE them all. ALL of them.

I want them to know that I HATE THEIR GUTS. they are not people humans. They are creeps who took advantage of me as a 9 yr old.

I HATE THEM 😢😢😢😢😢