not feeling good

sending you lots of hugs my sister @BlueBay

wish i was there to give you a real hug xxx

Thankyou @Shaz51 I just want to be held so I can cry.

@BlueBay take care. All will be good again

Hi @BlueBay

No one wants to go out and walk in this weather - it's seems a little better today - I do understand though - I want to walk and enjoy it but in this weather it's just not on - I hear you - it's not a good time to start a new programme

And the weather seems to eat us up - Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing and I have it - I really love a dramatic sky but only want to look out the windows at it - not walk

I pay a price in pain too - so I understand the miserable feelings but feel pretty sure it is hitting you worse

Talking to Huffnpuff was hard on you - and I don't know if he has made any comments on the subject - good or bad - maybe you are waiting for some feedback and that might be a long time coming - who knows

But a hug - yes - and a good cry - I get it - but that might not happen and if it did - what then? You are sick and tired of being sick and tired and there is only one way out and that's through it - and it has been going on for a long time

I think your BPD and your depression are different issues - depression is like a dark cloud that rains and follows you around - something only time and self-care and implementing some changes can deal with - your BPD I think is more a way of dealing with different behaviours - I remember somewhere where you wrote that you feel it's late in your life to change behaviours but I can assure you that it's not - habits can become ingrained and hard to shift but it can be done - we all have to change things as we grow older. You have been working on this for a long time and I do understand that it is hard and I guess I cannot really ever know how bad all of this is. I think about it a lot -

You have a lot of good things that you do as well - as hard as everything is you control yourself and your emotions around your family - you go to work - you maintain your home and attend to your finances, it seems you are a great cook - these are all positive things.

But you feel terrible - I really get that - I thought things would never change but they did - it was really bad at the time but things got better one thing at a time

Everything seems really hard for you but you keep going - can you really think about how fantastic that is - really - it's wonderful - I think that about the dark years in my life - I survived and something really incredible rose from it all and it is my honest desire that you reach this stage too and I believe you can

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

thanks for your reply. I just feel thst I’m done there is nothing left in me. I sm so tired of trying and then stuff things up.

Yiu know before I got really angry eith hubby. My d and a and myself have all had the flu shot about a month ago.

I keep telling hubby to get it done. He keeps saying “no I don’t need to I don’t get the flu” I said it’s pretty bad this year you need to get it done. And it’s free at our doctors for everyone. No no snd no. This morning we walked past the clinic and said you should go in now and get your shot. He says “no, I even told my wirk colleagues that you’re forcing me to have a needle like I’m a baby”. I turned around and said “I csnt understand your stupid reasoning”. I was so angry that he tells wirk about it.

He then says “oh I haven’t had the flu for years”. What does he think he’s invincible?

well I don’t care if he gets the flu. He’s so stupid stubborn and childish.

I’m sitting here doing nothing. And I don’t really care anymore.

Yes I think the weather plays a big part in depression.

No hubby hasn’t discussed our conversation further at all.

I’m waiting for him to talk to his wirk about couple counselling. I’ll prob be waiting fir a long time.

I’m sorry to bore you with my stuff. It’s all I seem to do.

Hi @Shaz51 @Meowmy hope your day is better than mine.

Thanks for your support.

Hi @BlueBay

I am not tired of reading your stories - not at all - and I don't wonder at all that you are worn out with it - Huffnpuff might get the flu and when he does I hope you can leave him alone and suffer it because he is behaving like a baby not having the fluvax - I get it every year and have since it was available I think - I remember getting the flu when my kids were young - I seemed to get everything they got - kids' bugs are very virulent

Anyway - you are tired and thoroughly fed up with waiting for Huffnpuff to do the things you ask and my guess is that he has an idea that you are just going to say things and not follow things up because this is what you do and he just turns you off - that's what comes over anyway - if he knew what a dork he seems - he might change but then -

Maybe he won't

So you need to change your behaviour - I can suggest that you threaten to leave and even spend a night at a motel - it wasn't until I told my husband it was over that he realised it was - and I had been telling him for years - marriage is a partnership and both people need to work at it.

Your kids are adults but I don't think that thinking about a temporary separation is something to talk over with them - it's not really their business until it takes place - it's really damning your health though - and so hard to put up with esp as you have just told him somethings he needs to do

Stop putting your down - he wasn't even aware that he had

Help you with your health issues - I remember he has put you down needing to go to hospital with migraine and that is necessary sometimes - hospital I mean

Getting a flu shot - basic adult behaviour - he might get the flu - who would risk it? - he is being sooky about it

It always has to be your decision and even spending a night in a motel is scary for you but how long can you really take with his constant put downs? It has to be really hard for you and it comes across to me strongly that it is the really big deal - your MI issues pale beside it - really

But you need to make some choices to act alone - whatever works - and you are not stuffing things up - as I said - it takes both partners

I care so much - I have been through it - different story true - but love dies when it's not nurtured - care heaps

Dec

@BlueBay Hope you feel better soon. Dinner time is usually happy time. The kitchen smells good with nice foods.Family gather to eat a meal together. Have a good evening.

Hi @Owlunar @Meowmy @Shaz51 @Razzle @Ali11 @Former-Member

and others following 😊

well today is a different day to yesterday. My d and her partner invited us to go out fir breakfast. And they even paid for us which was nice

Hubby and I then did an 8km walk on a boardwalk along a bird estuary. It was cold but nice. I’m sore now so resting this afternoon.

My d snd partner are taking A to a animal farm not far from home. I’m sure she will love it.

It amazes me how my mood can change from one day to another.

The sun is out which always makes me feel good even though it’s only 9 deg.

Hope you are all having a nice Sunday. ❤️❤️

Today sounds like a great day @BlueBay, happy to hear you've been having fun. The animal farm will be lovely for A, they're always fascinating places to visit. Sitting with a hot chocolate and a book so it's a good sunday here as well. Enjoy your rest this afternoon

@BlueBay Sounds like a good day for you. Hope it continues. Take care.