not feeling good

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@BlueBay wrote:

I’m so angry because hubby is home. And it really affects my routine. He is just sitting around hugging and puffing.

Some bills came today and they were overdue. So he’s complaining that they are overdue. But if we don’t hsve the money to pay them there’s not much I can do.

Sometimes I wish I was on my own.

No one telling me what to do or complaining or whinging.

Im sorry you have so much on your plate and I’m carrying on.

I should just go.

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Hi @BlueBay

I haven't been writing for a few days - I have a bit of a cold and this is rare for me - and I have been tired and not feeling at all useful - but I have just read how bad you feel with Huffnpuff huffing and puffing and what the %$*##* he thinks will happen with him ranting at you. It's not your fault that bills are unpaid - ah - I would walk out and have a good cry somewhere - you have the right to do that - it's a pity you felt the need to sh - it would have been better to have a cry or to let Huffnpuff know how it bothers you that he rants about these bills - I hear you - I have lived through times of financial contraint too and had a lazy husband disappearing into a morose silence for reasons I never heard anything about.

Actually - I am glad to hear you say you wish you were on your own with no one telling you what to do or complaining or whinging. You seem to understand the financial situation - it seems to me you are in control of your household expenses and things are stretched about as far as they can go - and Huffnpuff isn't pulling his weight about it - and doesn't want to - so I think I would be saying I didn't want to hear about it until he started to be part of the solution and not just whining - whining - and getting angry cause you are doing your best and no one can do more than their best

I know it's hard for you to make decisions but you have made some recently and learning it's worth it - but having Huffnpuff gripe at your about his decisions is not something you need to deal with - after all - if he picks a pair of shoes he will either like them or not and if they are not a good purchase he can't blame you -

It's so easy to be on the outside of someone else's problems and make suggestions but I will because it gives you an idea - you do have choices - and putting up with the situation is a choice too and it must be hard having so many people in the house. I grew up in a crowded house - totally understand the pressure

Problems are complicated but solutions are not - Dr Phil just said that today - it's finding the solution I guess

Care heaps - take time for yourself and do the best to maintain your routines - and that is easier said than done

Dec

sheesh - it's so busy here there is no room left to complain

Thanks @Owlunar i just saw your reply. Never got a notification. Bit strange.

I’m sorry you’re not well. I actually thought I was coming down with a cold but it didn’t eventuate. Take it easy. Rest as much as possible.

I’ve been tired and light headed today. I called into the clinic and the nurse checked my bp which was good.

Hoping to get results soon from blood test reg tingling arm and fingers.

Its cold and rsining now can’t do much.

I’ve just started to knit A a grey beanie. This keeps me busy no time to think.

You know @Owlunar im not going to worry about finances for now. Can only do what I can only do. Im working as much as I can and If he wants more money well he’ll have to wirk extra. We are really watching our money.

My D is still here eith A. You know I was thinking the other day. We’ve never been on our own since before we had kids. We had his mum with us fir such a long time and now our D is with us.

It seems like there’s always extras with us.

We are going to Bright for our anniversary in a few weeks time. Staying 2 nights. We saved up fir this fir a while. Never been to Bright. Looking forward to it. It will be a nice break just the two of us. Hope I can survive the weekend.

Take care @Owlunar

some nice chicken soup is what you need ❤️❤️

@BlueBay glad you are going away with hubby for a break. Enjoy.

@Meowmy @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Former-Member @oceangirl @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

I’ve just woken up from a horrible horrible night. I had a nightmare of being sexually abused by my brother again. But this time as an adult. And I didn’t do anything. I did nothing. I didn’t scream stop nothing.

Im so nit good this mirning

I need to run away I need to hide away

I can’t deak with this

it’s hirruble

I’m crying and shaking

I want it all to go away

I want it to STOP

its horrible

@Former-Member I am not good

I need to run away from this

Hello @BlueBay

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. I have just sent you an email to check in.

Kindest Regards

Buddy13

@BlueBay I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this right now.

Now .. you know that none of what happened to you was your fault .. dont you? What you described is the third element in the flight / fight response. Freeze is a very real and very common response to fear.. It does not mean you were a willing participant.

It looks like you are in good hands now with @Buddy13 . Please take care and check back in when you can.

Sherry 💖

Just spoken to lifeline @Former-Member

this is just too hard

I sometimes think why couldn’t I just tell my mum when I was a child what happened to me

why?

and now if she asks how to I tell her. What do I tell her.

I sometimes feel it’s sll my fault.

This nightmare has triggered a lot of stressors tiday

I can’t deal with this

I'm glad you have spoken to Lifeline @BlueBay . I hope that has been helpful to you.

I cannot answer your question as to why you never told your Mum. Who knows how the mind of a frightened and highly traumatised child works? But one thing is certain ... none of it was ever your fault.

You can deal with this BlueBay, you have been doing so most of your life. And you will again. With the support you need, it will all become easier, and therapy helps us to better manage our emotions, our fears and our reactions to them.

You will be okay. Please take care.

Sherry 💕👍

@BlueBay, I agree with @Former-Member , you can do this and you have for years my sister xoxo

@BlueBay the same thing happened to me with my brother when i was little but did not know until a couple of years ago when he tried to do something in his room, when my son and i was holidaying at mum's, and i said what the hell is wrong with you and I froze and had to get out of there, my mind just couldn't accept it, but then he said, it's ok we did things when we were little and then that through me, I couldn't grasp what he was saying and everything around me just stopped, it was like everything was frozen, I had no idea what to do, I have no idea how I got out of that room, I only remember being outside at the backyard.

I always have a battle going on whether I should tell my mother, but i haven't, I think that it must of been partly my fault even though I still have no memory of it when i was little. and no idea how I could tell her anyway as she is in her 70's now, I'm afraid it could hurt her or worse not believe me and his wife we use to get along fine, but since it happened I haven't spoken to her

Most of the time i don't even remember it now, its only when i ring mum as she lives in Sydney and I can hear him in the background, he has a wife and 2 kids that live with mum and I have told my mum that I can never go see her there ever again cause my brother can be abusive mentally and I'm scared of him.I have never told my adult kids either.

I never remember my dreams and was told a long time ago it's my mind protecting traumatic events in my life.

I'm glad you called Life line, i do that quite often, when sometimes traumatic events come to the surface and have also found Beyond Blue has helped as well.

I'm going to doctors on Monday to get a health plan done so i can see a psychologist and hopefully they will help and I will keep you in my prayers