not feeling good

That's so rough for you @Razzle and really weird

My guess is that your son's partner's mother is a bit too controlling - or a lot too controlling and it's not reasonable that your son can't talk to you in private

He's very young though - I guess the woman is able to control him because of that - and they are scared of something though I can't imagine what

I am sorry this is happening - it must be terribly hard

Dec

Haven't read last few pages. But I hope your Easter was lovely with your kids and granddaughter. @BlueBay

@Meowmy @BlueBay @Owlunar @Shaz51

Feeling pretty hollow today. My husband wants to phone my sons partners mother and have a chat to her. I don’t want this, she will only lie and cause more trouble. This woman is the

main cause for everything that is happeneing. She is a control freak and a pot stirrer. She causes trouble then steps back and watches it all go to shit, none of it coming back on her. I learnt this a few years ago, and have been very wary of her since.

I don’t know why my son can’t talk privately with us l, why they have to listen in on all his phone calls. I understand that he’s in a terrible position, he can’t afford to rock the boat because they will just throw him out and then he loses contact with his precious child. I know they were listening to me when I rang him Saturday afternoon, so I told him we were going to come and see him ALONE so that his partner and her mother couldn’t put words in his mouth. I told him I am sick of their lies (knowing they could hear me) and that from now on I want him to tell me the truth. God, I am so sick of the lies, every time they open their mouths it’s a bloody lie.

My husband and I actually agreed about 3 weeks ago that between us we would not discuss the partner or her mother because he refuses to see anything is wrong, he is always looking for the best in everyone. It just ends up in an argument between us. This has come up a lot in our marriage counselling sessions, he never supports me, never has my back. Yesterday morning out of the blue he said he now sees what I had been saying all along - he sees how much trouble that family is. Now he’s scrambling trying to work out how to fix it.

@Razzle sorry to hear your family troubles. I come from a very dysfunctional family which resulted in me being alone. May be your daughter in law has issues herself with her mother being so controlling. It is not good that mother interferes so much in daughter’s married life.

I really hope you and your husband will work out strategies to keep your son’s marriage and family healthy and happy.

Hope you feel better soon and enjoy Easter Monday.

Thanks @Meowmy @for your support.

My son and his partner are not

married. She is 18, he is 19 - they are both very young. They are living with her parents, but her mother is exceptionally controlling. They live 4hrs from us so it’s difficult to be

in hand to help them. I am extremely worried about my son and the baby and at the moment there is nothing we can do about it.

@Razzle May be at 18 years old, a lot of girls still controlled by their mothers. May be try to be friendly with daughter in law’s mother at a distance,so that at least there is openings of conversations with them, the baby’s grandmother. With time and years, when your son get older and baby grows a bit older, there could be better ways to resolve these issues. Hope you will feel better soon and enjoy other things this afternoon.

Things will work out with time.

@Razzle

the children are still very young

Iagree with @Meowmy -- May be try to be friendly with daughter in law’s mother at a distance,

I did this my friend , going through my daughter in law mother made a difference , it took time and when my S1 started to grow up and to find his feet as a father and a partner

keep the door open my friend xoxo

@Shaz51 I’ve tried to be friends with her mother. It’s mainly her that is causing the trouble. Everything she says to me is a lie, and all she does is start trouble and drama and then sits back and watches it all explode in everyone else’s faces while she comes up smelling roses. She has crippled her own children to the point that they rely on her for everything. Now that my son has been forced to live under her roof she is trying to control him too.

I can’t be friends with her any more, I can’t even pretend to be. Being her friend just buys into the drama and attention she craves at everyone else’s expense. Right now she’d be loving that we have been left in turmoil and are so hurt over the baby and parents packing up and heading home so much earlier than planned. It makes my skin crawl even thinking about being anywhere near her.

@Razzle I think the daughter would have lots of issues as she grows older. My mum is very controlling. When I was about eighteen, I wished there was some older lady to support me. I turned to my aunt but she didn’t want to because she was jealous that I went to Uni and her Children didn’t . I think if you can pay attention to the daughter in law, over time, it will work out. Although it is very difficult to come out of control of a mother, more so than a father. I am still dealing with it in my fifties. The daughter in law will have a strong bond to the mother, more so than normal mother as she is very controlling. May be be gentle,kind to daughter in law, over time, she will realize and work out.

Oh @Razzle i feel so very sad for you. 😢

i can sense the sadness and anger in your writing.

Its the most difficult situation to be in.

Controlling and manipulative mums create a terrible hard future fir their children. I know I was one of them.

Just try to be open with your son. Communicate with him and just him whenever you can. I know it’s hstd as he lives so far away as well. Thst doesn’t help.

I sm glad your hubby can see it finally. And now he can understand what you were telling him all those times.

I wish there was an easy answer.

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗

tske care ❤️❤️