not feeling good

Hi @BlueBay always good to hear from you. Hope your work day goes better than you are expecting. Thanks too for your well wishes.

Sherry

Hi @BlueBay

It has just started pouring with rain here - I guess you have some of the same - not the best day to go back to work - and the questions - yes I can imagine - people asking trivia about which bandaides, which vitamines - whatever - and you feel as if you have to know all the answers - but if you don't - it's up to the pharmacist -

Perhaps with rain people might stay home - and it can be an easy ride for you

You have so much to deal with right now - so let's see how it looks in point form

You have the past with your mother

And your abuse

And your mother let it happen at the time - I ask myself - where was she? I would be really angry about that one

But you can't do anything about these now - you need to let go of your anger - I understand this is not easy but it's something to work out with your therapist so put that aside until you see her if you can

I often wonder if your husband is rather like my ex - he could not pick up the slack either and I did a lot of yelling. I think while you continue to stay and pick up the slack to help yourself he is not going to look at how this is playing out for you - after all - you are not well mentally or physically and yet he expects you to work to make up the difference.

Wow - I worked and I resented my wages being picked out to pay things I thought it necessary for my husband to pay - I had two jobs and I paid my own expenses and everything for my daughter and anything extra around the house and we never could match up on what needed doing first when it came to larger issues - I was actually saving to leave the marriage and eventually did and my husband couldn't or wouldn't understand why though all the time I had been telling him -

I know you want the marriage to work and I understand but does Huffnpuff - he does help sometimes as you say but he doesn't support you yet wants you to hold his hand when he visits his mother and this costs you a lot. I can't imagine.

It's not at all wrong to put yourself first - in fact - until we learn that we are not doing ourselves a good service - we need to be strong and rested and this doesn't help when the other partner rants about trivia and ignores the financial state - I reckon your boys know this

I can hear how this is dragging you down. While you put up with it nothing happens except you get miserable and I really get that - been there - a married couple need to pull the wagon together - and it seems to me that you are doing most of the work - and Huffnpuff expects you to work when you are really not well and I can't help but wonder - as I have said before - why he doesn't get a part time job himself - it would cost him a lot more if you left him and went onto disability -

I can't make any choices for you - and I know it's hard for you to make decisions - but you are making one every day you let this imbalance continue

It must be really depressing to wake up each day to the same old same old - it would be troublesome and awkward to walk out and it is hard to start a life alone but this tension needs to stop for you own good.

Somehow you have to let him know that you have had enough and put your cards on the table about it - this doesn't mean the end of your marriage - it might be the only way of letting Huffnpuff know how rough this is for you

I know - I know - it is really hard - but how much more of this can you take?

Dec - sending hugs

hugs are healing

how did you go today my wonderful sister @BlueBay

Hi sis @Shaz51 today was ok. Work went very quickly. Lots to do. So that Was good. I got home snd babysat Ayla for a little. We played together. Then she watched play school.

I have tomorrow off which is nice. I’ve got an appt with my psychologist then going to visit my son. My d and Ayla are coming too.

Hiw are you and tiur hubby and mum?

Is your mum still in hospital?

Hi @Owlunar @Former-Member @Razzle @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @Owlunar

had a session with the new psychologist from local hospital. We talked about communication. I told her I struggle so much with talking to hubby about how I am snd feeling.

We talked about passive assertive and passive aggressive. I told her I sm passive. And then talked about hubby and what he says and does. She said he’s most likely passive as well. She has suggested he come into a session and she will bring up communication.

I agreed and said it would be good. So in a few weeks time we will have joint session.

I’m feeling a bit destructive. I don’t know why. Snd self destructive agsin. That needs to stop.

Hi @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Razzle @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @BlueBay Sounds like you had a good session with your psychologist. I hope your hubby does go with you to the couples session.

I had a session with my councillor yesterday (in his home town so a 540km round trip). We spent most of the session talking about my son and his partner and the expected new arrival. Something happened last week which has sent me into a bit of a spiral.

Long story short, I feel like everything

is going to end badly for my son. And until the point when it happens we wont

have much contact with either him or the baby. I actually went to bed last Wednesday night feeling like I had lost another son, even though he is very much alive, I feel like he is gone.

My sons partner has a very controlling mother and at the moment they are living under her roof. We have tried to get them a rental, but now she has put the brakes on and won’t move out. We’ve never been made to feel welcome at that home so we won’t be able to visit them there. We live about 400kms away and I seriously doubt they will travel home that much.

Of course, my husband who can’t stand the thought of anyone not liking him and who will avoid conflict at any cost went straight in and defended the mother when I fell to pieces on Wednesday night and shared my fears with him. So straight away I shut down and retreated. For someone who is having such a hard time connecting the appropriate emotion to a situation, I’m now back to being the empty shell.

The panic attacks and anxiety are once again off the charts. The only emotion I feel at the moment is sadness, when I think of my son I can’t stop crying, I feel like I am grieving him. Yet, when I think of the baby I feel absolutely nothing, I’m completely empty.

Needless to say, my councillor was pretty livid with my husbands total lack of support, so much so that he spoke to my husband over the phone today.

At my session yesterday we also spoke about the George Pell verdict. The day of my last session was the day he was found guilty, and then yesterday he was sentenced. I have been extremely triggered by the whole thing, but after talking with my councillor he has reassured me. I’m not catholic and I’m not one of his victims, but I have been pretty messed up since it became the hot topic in the media. I’ve tried to avoid any media about him, but it’s almost impossible to avoid it completley.

My whole fear is that he would get no jail time, that he would walk, I still think he will win the appeal and walk anyway - interestingly my councillor feels the same. Pell used to be a priest in parishes around my part of the world, and I heard whispers about him around 20 years ago, my councillor heard them around 30years ago. He said even if he wins the appeal he will never see the light of day, there are a lot of men waiting to see the outcome and if he gets off they are ready to go to the authorities.

Anyway, I’m glad I had my session yesterday. It’s been a rough few weeks, and I feel better that I could unload on him, and get some support that I’m not getting here.

I had better go, I feel like I’m going to cry again, and I refuse to cry in front of my husband, so I think I will take myself off to the shower.

I hope you are well @BlueBay , sorry for the novel, once I started I couldn’t stop. ❤️❤️

Don’t be sorry @Razzle fir your long post. I enjoy reading what you’ve been up to. You certainly have had a few hard weeks. I’m sorry hubby hasn’t been supportive.

I really hope your son snd his partner can move away from her mum. It will be difficult fir them when baby arrives.

I’m sorry you’re so stressed hurt and grieving for your son. It must be so difficult for you ❤️

Keep writing here. I’m more than happy to read what you write. Always listening

hugs and love ❤️

Hope you can get some sleep tonight

Hi @BlueBay I hope you have had a good day.

I had an argument with my husband at lunch time today. I left the house, intending on going for a VERY long drive. Went into town and picked up my mum instead and went for a coffee. My daughter joined us after a while so it was good to get out of my head for a while. My mum usually stays at my

place on the weekends so after the coffee we headed to the supermarket.

We were near the meat section looking for something for tea when someone came up and started chatting to mum. I didn’t take much notice to begin with but when I went to put the meat in the trolley I noticed it was one of the members of the group. He then started to talk to me like a long lost best friend. It was excruciating to have to stand there like nothing was wrong. My head is all over the place now. How can it be so easy for them to carry on as normal, like nothing ever happened, but for me I die a little more every time I see one of them.

My stomach is still in knots, I can’t stand this feeling of anxiety all the time, it just bubbles away all damn day and night. I resorted to a bottle of red tonight - just a single serve bottle, not a big bottle - hoping for some kind of relief. It didn’t help much, maybe I should have cracked the top off a regular bottle.

I hope you have a restful weekend, I don’t think I’ll be doing much, I really just want to hide away. I hope you can get out of the house and enjoy this beautiful weather too, especially with your little treasure Ayla ❤️❤️

Hi @Razzle,

It sounds like you have had an incredibly stressful day today, conflict can be so hard and distressing especially. I'm really sorry to hear you haven't had much relief from this anxiety and that a glass of wine didn't help so much. Are there other strategies to cope with this anxiety and overwhelm you could use tonight?

Take care

Tortoiseshell

Sorry for butting in @Razzle but I’m wondering if the group know of the affect it’s had on you. I’m just thinking of the age of #metoo it might send a shiver up their spine and they would hopefully keep their distance if that is what you want. I’m sorry that you get caught out by them more frequently than it should. Im wondering if a carefully worded letter delivered to them might scare the crap out of them to a give a reality check.

I could be talking complete BS. I’ve not been in that position and don’t know enough. I think deep down I was just thinking how unfair it is that they still have the power and how you could turn that. I know it might be a bad idea too, it was just a random thought. Take care of you 💜🤗