not feeling good

Hi @Zoe7@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope and others reading this:

I don't know how to put this but I'll give it a go. Hope it makes sense to everyone.

I have a lot of trouble with black and white thinking, good bad, etc

And it got me thinking last night that I have a lot of trouble coping with this.

I am scared, worried, anxious to say to people that I feel good, or I am coping because then if i am not coping the next day or week later, how does that look. In my head if i say to someone that i am good then that means i should be good all the time. i then can't be bad or not good. And then in my head people will say to me "oh that's strange you told me you were good, so how can you be not good now" (Is this making any sense??)

It's like in my head i can't be good and not good at the same time.

And i think this is why i am struggling so much becasue of this type of thinking. I know it is a BPD thinking.

It's all or nothing, black and white. Can't have any grey in between in my thoughts.

I know this is bad and negative thinking but i can't get my head around changing the thought. It sort of doesn't go with how i been thinking all my life.

I really hope you all understand wht i am trying to say.

Completely understand @BlueBay - that all makes perfect sense.

There are two points you raise that I can see are bothering you...

1. You think in black or whit and that affects how you see yourself also

2. There is an expectation from others that just because you are ok one day it must mean that you have 'recovered'

Firstly - the trick with black and white thinking is to not go from one extreme to the other but to see (or work out) the steps in between that have actually gotten you to that place. For exampe - just like a walk along the beach ...you can't get from one end to the other without walking on the sand to begin with - there are steps in between and for you to be able to work out why you go from one extreme to the other you need help to work out those steps.

Secondly - everyone has 'good' and 'bad' days but when dealing with someone with a MI it can be presumed that if someone says they are 'good' or coping ok one day doesn't mean that they are miraculously 'cured'. Each day, each hour, each minute there can be fluctuations in how we feel - sometimes we are coping and do feel okay but that can change quickly - especially if we are triggered - that is something that a lot of people do not get. It is hard to walk in someone else's shoes if they have not had the same/similar experiences. In saying all that - it is ok to say you are ok. We can get so stuck in not being ok that we ourselves have that as our default setting and when things get on top of us we instantly think negatively or catastrophise. Does that resonate with you Hon. I suppose before you get to that stage that is what the support around you is for - and the trick for you is to try to reach out before you get to that stage. That I know is very difficukt for you and that goes back to that black or white thinking - it is either ok or it is all shite - there is no inbetween. The challenge I see for you is to try to stop yourself hen you know you are doing this - reach out for support and be able to talk it out before it gets to that stage of no return.

YES!!! you get it @Zoe7

that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's like if I say i am good then people around me will think i have recovered. I do understand what you have written.

Yes i will work on this with my psychologist but in the mean time i will reach out for support and try to work it out.

It's a difficult one becasue all my life that's all i have known.

yes i do see myself in black and white, so much.

I wasn't sure if you or anybody would understand what i wrote 🙂

thank you for being so honest with your reply. i appreciate it 🙂

it's been bugging me for a long time and just recently i realised that i needed to put it out there.

Thank you @Zoe7

You are most welcome @BlueBay I am more than happy to work through things like this with you Hon. I do wish it was different for you but there are ways to work around it too - takes a lot of practice though. I so wish you could do DBT - it really would help you enormously - stupid system!!!!

Some good news @Zoe7@Shaz51@frog@Faith-and-Hope

when I told my psychologist that I’m struggling financially she emailed me yo contact a mental health organisation. I did and they referred me to another company who will see if I’m eligible for free psychology sessions. I hold a health care card which makes me eligible to apply. So now my own psychologist has to make the referral with a history of me and then I’ll be contacted. I can use this service from now till end of year. And I can see them weekly. Then next year I can get the mental health plan again.

Lets hope it all goes through. 🙏

Everything crossed for you @BlueBay I hope this works out - you deserve a break Hon

hugs sister @BlueBay

X

I need to chat @Former-Member

I’m not able to close my eyes to sleep because each time i do all I can see is my childhood abuse. I want it to STOP!!

I’m crying and shaking while holding my head

i dont know what to do

Hoping for the best @BlueBay