not feeling good

Yeah I am okay Hon - try to put that out of your mind BB you are in a much better place today than you were earlier in the week and the-red-centaur will be okay if he can sleep and not hear the voices for a while - don't worry Hon it seems like he was getting really tired without taking anything else so that is a good thing.

You can now focus on yourself - chat here with me for a while if it would help - and remember you didn't do that earlier in the week and that is a good thing because we get to talk more now @BlueBay

I think I’ll be ok @Zoe7 i just read received an email from the @moderator to check on me. I’ll be ok. I’m safe. I’m going to watch Sunday night show snd thdn bed. Hope you sleep well tonight lovely. Chat tomorrow ❤️

Ps. Thanks for checking on me. Xxx

No worries at all BB - hope you get a good night's sleep tonight Hon - will chat tomorrow @BlueBay

@Zoe7@outlander@Faith-and-Hope

Im having a panic attack right now. My mum told me this morning g that she wants to come over in a few weeks to spend the day with me. That’s nice I thought. Now the panic set in.

I started thinking what if she asks why don’t I speak to my brother. What do I tell her. That he sexually abused me. That my sister knew all this time. Then she’ll get angry because I didn’t tell her 8 yrs ago when I told her about the other two. I csnt go through another verbal from her. I just csnt.

Im panicking so bad. Then she’ll grab the phone and she’ll have a huge fight with my sister and then she’ll blame me for breaking up the family.

Oh my god I’m subbing so much I csnt breathe.

I don’t know what to think or do.

You are thinking the very worst case scenario @BlueBay - what about if she simply wants to spend time with you to make up for all the time you two have lost over the last 8 years. Try to turn that negativity into something positive - you focus so much on what happened to you but very little time in looking to all the positives - this visit may just be a positive and the abuse may not even enter your mum's mind - she may simply be wanting to spend time with you. Concentrate on all the good things - you have re-connected with your family after so long, your boys are travelling and having a great time, your daughter has her beautiful little Ayla who you absolutely adore -these are the things you need to concentrate on Hon

I have calmed down with a coffee.

@Zoe7 That’s my problem I do go straight to the negative thoughts. Ok maybe she does just want to spend the day with me. Trouble is I know my mum and she always has a hidden agenda. But I’m going to have my daughter and Ayla with me because Mum wants to see Ayla. She said she wants to look around the area because they used to live around here 10 yrs ago.

My problem is fir me is that it’s automatic I go into negative catastrophic thoughts. Something I need to work on with my psychologist. Thankyou @Zoe7 for making me see this. xxx

No worries at all BB - we both know you go directly to catastrophy and often need to talk it out to settle @BlueBay Great that your daughter and Ayla will be with you when your mum visits and that you will be out seeing the area as well - that should fill in the day nicely and should be enjoyable for you all - lots of positives there to look forward to Hon

@Zoe7 I’m so angry with hubby. I can’t even speak or write. I will come back soon.

I just should go away. Grr I’m angry.

Don't go away Hon - here listening when you can write @BlueBay

So I saw my Chiro after work because I had a feeling my back ribs and neck were out. As soon as he saw me and did a few checks he couldn’t believe how bad I was. He said this feel has affected your immune system and you prob have very low iron. He said I look sick and very white. He adjusted me snd said I need to go to bed and rest. I started to cry and told him I feel so sick with no energy and am so lethargic. He wants to see me next week.

So I come home and tell hubby. His response “so who’s he a doctor ? Whst does he know” I said he’s a doctor in Chiro he knows what he’s talking about. So he kept talking stupid snd I walked off. Now he’s not talking yo me.

Im so over it. He thinks I need to be at work now. Where I need to be is bed. If I breakdown or collapse because I’m so weak what would he say then - go to work. He doesn’t even ask how I am.

I could go on but I better not. I’m angry feel hurt